Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 28 January 2016

A NUGGET OF WISDOM #4: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU COMMIT

We are surrounded by a lot of time wasters. Some of them are in for fun, others are looking for serious relationships which might not be the type of relationships we are looking for.

If you are not specific as to who or what you want in a relationship, you may always end up in a relationship in order to decide whether you like it or not. This, I need not tell you, might be costly, as your character and morality would eventually be called into question even though you may not necessarily be an immoral person. The question would always be, ‘So how come you can’t stay in any relationship?’

Entering a relationship in order to test it to decide whether you want it or not, can also cost you your future as you could get tied down by someone who would not want you to go. They can impregnate you, or get pregnant and force you to marry them [And refusing to marry them might not be a simply matter for you to decide]. Others can manipulate you into marrying them. It is happening all the time. People are settling in marriages they genuinely wish they are not in because of pressures from quarters they cannot just shake off.

Again, It has an opportunity cost. Every single day you spend with someone, is another person you cannot spend that time with. What it means is that while you are with one person TRYING to SEE whether it would work out or not, the person with whom it could have actually worked perfectly, would probably just walk by, get taken before you are free to pursue them. They say if it is meant to be, it would be; I say don’t bank your hopes on that. Some opportunities are but once, don’t be at the wrong place when they show up.

If you know what you want in the market of love, you won’t spend time asking about the prices of non-essentials. If you want to fry pan cake, what business do you have asking for prices of beef and Cocoyam? But you are asking for prices of Beef and Cocoyam because you are not sure what you want. Know what you want before you show up in the market of love. It makes selection easier and less stressful.

Again, once you are specifically sure of the kind of person you want and the kind or relationship you want to have, it aids you in searching for them at the right place. You do not hang around cheap pubs in the run down parts of town and have male friends who are predominantly musicians if you intend to marry a Lawyer or a Medical doctor. You don’t spend all your free time in the club, smoking and drinking and expecting, in the end, to find a God fearing virgin woman there. Look for the kind of love you are looking for from the right places.

You do not need to dive into a pool of water just to test the temperature; just dip your finger in it. That is how you test it. Be sure before you commit emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually and psychologically. Be sure. Before someone can put their claim over you as a boyfriend or a girlfriend, be sure this is exactly what you want. Observe, study, ask probing questions, do background checks before you commit. And if that is too much for them to handle, direct them to the exit at the left corner. No one got a good marriage by simply trusting and walking in ignorance; they got it by being circumspective.

PG Sebastian
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