How can you relax in your marriage at this crucial time when the family is under attack on every front? Have you suffered years of dating and the first few years of your marriage for nothing? Instead of throwing your hands up in the air, feeling frustrated in the face of this paralyzing drama, why don't you find meaningful and innovative ways of making it work? Every generation faces a form of unsettling attack on the family, but they pull through. What are you doing to pull through?
Complaining, abuse, bitterness, infidelity and ultimately divorce are the fast lanes and short cuts out of most of the challenges that confront the family. Some, even go beyond the cliff and take their own lives or get shoved out of their minds... literally...with the worries and lack of progress. Have you tried something deeper and personal? Something engaging and challenging? Have you tried something that shows you really want this to work? In fact, have you carried out an Audit of the problem and with a clear head, relegating your emotions to the background, trying your best to be objective in your assessment. Emotions never solves anything.
Everyone can get up and leave.... and leave with a story so nicely told, they sound plausible and become a must-buy-into story. Who goes to the cross for a bad marriage you may say. True... but why is single parenthood a big issue? Why does society accepts that it's never easy on those who are caught up in it? Have you considered the kids?
While the hammer is hanging over your head, ready to mash your head to pulp anytime without warning, and storming out of home may appear as the best option.... Have you considered what life is like out there? I do not dispute that some worse scenarios have been avoided after couples went their individual ways, but has it always been the case?
It may sound like everywhere out there is better than in here; you see the careless giggles and unbridled freedom that follow those who once upon a time decided to walk out. I guess you have not been told the complete story of what is out there. Of course they won't tell you; not many will. They don't want you to know the pain they polish over....No, they don't want you to know about the emptiness and the brokenness neatly waxed over with 1.85 inches of L'Oréal primer to pressed powder. For some, it is the regrets of not listening when they were told to give it a little more time. So they polish it up and make you see the outside as a must-be place.
But there is a stock of people who tell themselves, they will stay and make it work. They understand it is not easy to work with humans...so they wear themselves out to be true to their words.... their words before God, before men and before the law. How hard have you tried beyond the ruffling of your whims and caprices? Those who try and refuse to let go are mostly those who celebrate their 25 wedding Anniversary...and then their 50th.... up until Dead Really do them part. Marriage is never easy anywhere; it is a relationship of two people who look beyond the now to really create their own paradise in the midst of the chaos within and without.
If we decide this is it (making sure that the choice of Partner is right to begin with, instead of making sub-optimal choice ) then we will surely figure out how to get this thing working. Prayer works.... but that is after you have done what you have to do, what your counselor has soundly advised you to do, what sound literature, like the bible, has instructed you to do. When all of that fail, then you can go on your knees. All the fasting in the world cannot fix a problem that humility, fidelity, respect, genuine love, time and attention, care and compassion, dedication, discipline, personal involvement and honor among others can fix.
Marriage is never easy; it has never been easy...but then... working hard to get to the top in your career has never been handed over to anyone on a silver platter under a mango tree. With the right frame of mind we can achieve everything we want...including a marriage that works