Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 30 July 2015


I understand that in this current dispensation, not all men will be the financial heads of their families. Call it the restoration of the long awaited equilibrium. That, however, is no cause for men to panic and try to subjugate their women as they break free financially and flourish. It is a major challenge in Africa and among most African men, to the extent that some men do not find it comfortable dating successful women.

As a man, you need to handle this as any business man will. A Scientist/Entrepreneur with an idea will need money to push it through. That is where a financier comes in. If the Scientist/Entrepreneur goes about their business in the most prudent way possible, most often they have no problems with the financier. Without the money, the Scientist/Entrepreneur is stuck with all the nice ideas and nothing to push them. 

It is a difficult situation for men to be in, especially coming from the Patriarchal nature of our social structure and its attending Egocentricity of the men in it. But well I think there is the brighter side to look at this from. If, as men, we will be smart, we will find out that there are many areas in the family and in the marriage setting that can't be monetarily measured. 

What is the average well educated and successful woman looking for in a man? A decent, committed and authentic companionship. She can get it from any man, but that any man is not her man. And she understands that any attempt to secure that with her money will make her miserable in the end. Can you offer that authentic and decent companionsip she is looking for in a man? 

No successful woman wants to hang out with a dimwit guy - sorry, that did not come out well. She is quite excited about the intellectual prowess of a man. Football and fashion may hold but not for long. Find something more intellectually stimulating, especially in her field and in your own field. Prove to her you are not just a sex tool. You may not be an encyclopaedia on wheels; but what is your general impression and interpretation of the world around you and how do you look at them at the Micro and the macro levels?  

Every woman is looking for someone she can come home to; a decent, responsible and honest man. Someone who is fair but firm. Can you be that person? Can you balance your life so well that you can have time for your private gigs without compromising your involvement with the family? Can you correct, advice and guide her without sounding judgmental,  critical and unnecessarily controlling? Can you pick up the pieces in love after you know your words or actions have shattered her and draw her to yourself? 

Every once in a while, a woman comes by who needs an enhanced covering, be it emotional or spiritual. Remember she may be willing to pay to be prayed for, or give good gifts to those who pray with and for her, when she feels the weight is too much for her shoulders alone. You know if you simply knew how to go before God on behalf of the family most of her anxieties would be sorted? How emotionally mature are you? Because her money cannot buy that. And in this present age of Drama, a good woman would want very minimal of it. Grab a hold of your emotions and be a man who is mature in that department. 

Sex is important and I tell you a good one is worth dying for. So I suggest you read around a little and be on top of your game; whether in the initiation or the journey through it. Now tell me how a bank full of cash can give a sister that kind of satisfaction. Eeerrmmm I mean sex in case you are thinking I just gave a green light.

A woman needs a man she can take home. Not all the money in the world can get her a good man. That man has to have a connection with her family - the old, the young, the healthy, the infirmed, the rich, the poor, the pretty and the ugly. That man has to try his best to reach out to all her circles of friends. His doors must be opened to her and her own. You know she can't fix that with her money. A good personality is priceless. 

All the education and money in the world cannot replace the need for a male figure in the lives of her children. Uncle Rhys is good to them, but he has his own family commitments. Can you be that Father she can totally cast her kids on and not worry what will happen to them because she knows they are safe? 

Every successful woman is surrounded by other successful people, so instead of getting intimidated by the kind of people she surrounds herself with, you may want to develop yourself, build self-confidence and have an unshakable assurance in the fact that she is yours. Develop yourself so you can blend into her social circles instead sitting back and fuming, hurting and roasting on a grill of insecurity. She cannot take you out if you act funny around her friends and she will not join you out if you still insist on dabbling in your low cost past.  Upgrade yourself the same way if you picked up a girl off the street, you wouldn’t want her following you about in trashy clothes and dripping with ill manners.  

There is absolutely nothing wrong when a man lends a hand at home. When she was alone, her burden was light, which meant that she was free to give her time and energy to her dreams, the success of which you see now. You are not suggesting that she stops all that to put food on the table for you because you and the kids came along, are you? And how do you think all the luxury around you would be paid for? You think the tomcard that fuels the 4.7Ltr Engine you drive fills itself up? Just offer a helping hand so she is not much burdened. A happy woman makes a happy home. Solomon will tell you that. 

There are many things a man can do in the life of a woman who is successful. Many things that will make the woman forget she is financially a notch higher and realise that with all the money she is pumping in, you are yet indispensable. You are the brains behind the invention and the innovation. You are the architect without which a mess of a building would be created. 

Just find the right spot to hold my brother and harness it. There is a lot you can do to make your woman or that woman you have targeted be 'Steady' on her show of opulence. You need to get to the point where, like a professor, your woman realizes that you cannot be measured financially and that you are worth more than gold. The Scientists, Entrepreneurs and the inventors are not usually the wealthy folks around, but tell me how far the world has come just on the wheels of money without the contribution of these brains. Be that person, who without much financially is still valuable than someone with everything.

And while you are getting there, don't push her down, allow her to fly. Make her feel good about herself and see what she will do for you. Make her feel a part of it and see what happens in the home. You will not be broke forever[ sorry I did not mean it like that] but you don’t want to look back one day and pinch yourself for all the successful ladies you let go in favour of not-so-successful ladies because you were scared to man up. You will look back and see how your current success would have doubled or tripled if you had caught the wind in her wings then. 

There is no glory in being broke and proud. Everyone needs someone. Karl Marx calls it the conflictual relationship between the haves and the have-nots. You have someone she needs, she has something you need. Do not be scared of what she has because she is not scared of what you have. 

Man up and go get her! Be a man and take charge. You are too paranoid and fixated with the financial inequality, all you see is her financial dominance. Your paranoia is making you lose touch with all the things you can do to make her love you. That is boring bro. Marriage is not about you and me; it is about getting the best out of that union. If her only asset is her financial success, well why not fill the rest up? 

Things will never change, women are going to keep getting richer and more powerful so I suggest you do something about yourself so you can match up. Feeling intimidated is lame...I think...

PG Sebastian 
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