Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Tuesday, 7 July 2015


This morning, from what I read on most of the pages I am on on WhatsApp, I saw a couple of people greet, 'GM', others, 'Gudmorn' and the lot that are being churned out on daily basis. This is not the first time I have seen these greetings and abbreviations . Personally I have made it a point not to respond to GM. We even say BHG to mean By His Grace. We write IJN to mean In Jesus name. No big deal; blame it on Social media.

I am wondering, where are we in a rush to? Some say GM and that's it. I am asking, where are we in a rush to so much so that we can't take time to write in full, 'Good morning?' To me, getting it fully written down shows thought, deliberateness, importance and attachment.

I could be wrong, but don't we think our society is fast becoming a society of shorthand, fast food, quick money and quick fixes? And that can explain why so many marriages are struggling. My thought is not on the GM and the BHG at all.... It is more about the 'quickies' we are all getting addicted to.

As a relationship coach, I see the pain on faces of people when I ask them to undertake certain actions and steps to bring their relationships and marriages back on track. It feels so arduous and demanding. Can't we just wave our hands and get this stuff sorted out? Why must I suffer to get this marriage working? Yes my darling, some things don't have the shortcut button, so if you need them work, then you have to work it out the hard way.

In your chat with me, you can respond to my, 'How are you?'  query with a cute, 'BHG.' But when your husband comes from work and he asks for food, you can't point to the direction of the kitchen and assume he gets the idea, especially when you have been home most of the day. When your wife is pregnant and feeling all hormonal, you can't point to the car keys and a doctor's complementary card and think it is sorted. An Ambulance, called in from Lister to pick her up to the hospital, is still not enough if that is all you are willing to do.  

You can't entrench yourself in the thought that this is the man's responsibility and this is the woman's responsibility and therefore avoid lending a hand of support to each other when their hands grow tired with the load. Your children do not need cable TV and the Internet as a gag to their existential demand for a bit of real life. What they need is real attention and relationship with you, not Hannah Montana and North West and her parents and Aunties... Oh and Bruceline.... sorry I mean Caitlyn (if I got the spelling right)

Sex cannot always be quickies and 100 meters. What happened to Slow moving Marathons, where everyone gets their fill and collapse under the weight of inexpressible touch with our basal desires? You cannot equate success at home with quantitative materialism and you definitely cannot snap your fingers and get Djinies popping out and granting wishes.

Marriage is nothing like you see in Hollywood make - believes,  nothing like social media will depict it; indeed it is not even within the fringes of the thought of ease. Marriage is work; full sentences,  proper punctuation, heck, the right diction and voice inflection. A slight deviation can score you a big fat zero.

Give it time and make it work. It is for the dedicated,  the diligent and those who commit wholeheartedly.


PG Sebastian
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