Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 30 July 2015

I'M A GUY AND I'M SCARED OF SUCCESSFUL WOMEN


I understand that in this current dispensation, not all men will be the financial heads of their families. Call it the restoration of the long awaited equilibrium. That, however, is no cause for men to panic and try to subjugate their women as they break free financially and flourish. It is a major challenge in Africa and among most African men, to the extent that some men do not find it comfortable dating successful women.

As a man, you need to handle this as any business man will. A Scientist/Entrepreneur with an idea will need money to push it through. That is where a financier comes in. If the Scientist/Entrepreneur goes about their business in the most prudent way possible, most often they have no problems with the financier. Without the money, the Scientist/Entrepreneur is stuck with all the nice ideas and nothing to push them. 

It is a difficult situation for men to be in, especially coming from the Patriarchal nature of our social structure and its attending Egocentricity of the men in it. But well I think there is the brighter side to look at this from. If, as men, we will be smart, we will find out that there are many areas in the family and in the marriage setting that can't be monetarily measured. 

What is the average well educated and successful woman looking for in a man? A decent, committed and authentic companionship. She can get it from any man, but that any man is not her man. And she understands that any attempt to secure that with her money will make her miserable in the end. Can you offer that authentic and decent companionsip she is looking for in a man? 

No successful woman wants to hang out with a dimwit guy - sorry, that did not come out well. She is quite excited about the intellectual prowess of a man. Football and fashion may hold but not for long. Find something more intellectually stimulating, especially in her field and in your own field. Prove to her you are not just a sex tool. You may not be an encyclopaedia on wheels; but what is your general impression and interpretation of the world around you and how do you look at them at the Micro and the macro levels?  

Every woman is looking for someone she can come home to; a decent, responsible and honest man. Someone who is fair but firm. Can you be that person? Can you balance your life so well that you can have time for your private gigs without compromising your involvement with the family? Can you correct, advice and guide her without sounding judgmental,  critical and unnecessarily controlling? Can you pick up the pieces in love after you know your words or actions have shattered her and draw her to yourself? 

Every once in a while, a woman comes by who needs an enhanced covering, be it emotional or spiritual. Remember she may be willing to pay to be prayed for, or give good gifts to those who pray with and for her, when she feels the weight is too much for her shoulders alone. You know if you simply knew how to go before God on behalf of the family most of her anxieties would be sorted? How emotionally mature are you? Because her money cannot buy that. And in this present age of Drama, a good woman would want very minimal of it. Grab a hold of your emotions and be a man who is mature in that department. 

Sex is important and I tell you a good one is worth dying for. So I suggest you read around a little and be on top of your game; whether in the initiation or the journey through it. Now tell me how a bank full of cash can give a sister that kind of satisfaction. Eeerrmmm I mean sex in marriage...in case you are thinking I just gave a green light.

A woman needs a man she can take home. Not all the money in the world can get her a good man. That man has to have a connection with her family - the old, the young, the healthy, the infirmed, the rich, the poor, the pretty and the ugly. That man has to try his best to reach out to all her circles of friends. His doors must be opened to her and her own. You know she can't fix that with her money. A good personality is priceless. 

All the education and money in the world cannot replace the need for a male figure in the lives of her children. Uncle Rhys is good to them, but he has his own family commitments. Can you be that Father she can totally cast her kids on and not worry what will happen to them because she knows they are safe? 

Every successful woman is surrounded by other successful people, so instead of getting intimidated by the kind of people she surrounds herself with, you may want to develop yourself, build self-confidence and have an unshakable assurance in the fact that she is yours. Develop yourself so you can blend into her social circles instead sitting back and fuming, hurting and roasting on a grill of insecurity. She cannot take you out if you act funny around her friends and she will not join you out if you still insist on dabbling in your low cost past.  Upgrade yourself the same way if you picked up a girl off the street, you wouldn’t want her following you about in trashy clothes and dripping with ill manners.  



There is absolutely nothing wrong when a man lends a hand at home. When she was alone, her burden was light, which meant that she was free to give her time and energy to her dreams, the success of which you see now. You are not suggesting that she stops all that to put food on the table for you because you and the kids came along, are you? And how do you think all the luxury around you would be paid for? You think the tomcard that fuels the 4.7Ltr Engine you drive fills itself up? Just offer a helping hand so she is not much burdened. A happy woman makes a happy home. Solomon will tell you that. 

There are many things a man can do in the life of a woman who is successful. Many things that will make the woman forget she is financially a notch higher and realise that with all the money she is pumping in, you are yet indispensable. You are the brains behind the invention and the innovation. You are the architect without which a mess of a building would be created. 

Just find the right spot to hold my brother and harness it. There is a lot you can do to make your woman or that woman you have targeted be 'Steady' on her show of opulence. You need to get to the point where, like a professor, your woman realizes that you cannot be measured financially and that you are worth more than gold. The Scientists, Entrepreneurs and the inventors are not usually the wealthy folks around, but tell me how far the world has come just on the wheels of money without the contribution of these brains. Be that person, who without much financially is still valuable than someone with everything.

And while you are getting there, don't push her down, allow her to fly. Make her feel good about herself and see what she will do for you. Make her feel a part of it and see what happens in the home. You will not be broke forever[ sorry I did not mean it like that] but you don’t want to look back one day and pinch yourself for all the successful ladies you let go in favour of not-so-successful ladies because you were scared to man up. You will look back and see how your current success would have doubled or tripled if you had caught the wind in her wings then. 

There is no glory in being broke and proud. Everyone needs someone. Karl Marx calls it the conflictual relationship between the haves and the have-nots. You have someone she needs, she has something you need. Do not be scared of what she has because she is not scared of what you have. 

Man up and go get her! Be a man and take charge. You are too paranoid and fixated with the financial inequality, all you see is her financial dominance. Your paranoia is making you lose touch with all the things you can do to make her love you. That is boring bro. Marriage is not about you and me; it is about getting the best out of that union. If her only asset is her financial success, well why not fill the rest up? 

Things will never change, women are going to keep getting richer and more powerful so I suggest you do something about yourself so you can match up. Feeling intimidated is lame...I think...



PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015


Tuesday, 28 July 2015

IN HIS OMNISCIENCE

Now let's hear the end of the matter:

Not all will marry. Not all will have children. Not all will enjoy the blessings of Marriage or of having children. For some, Children will be their biggest curse and for some their marriage will be their biggest trap and regret. In all things, thank God, If He loves you, He denies you some things that will, in the future, hurt you.

You will not understand while you walk in the dark, yes and it is the hardest part. Sometimes you wish God would be upfront with you. Whatever your lot, my sister...my brother, the Scripture has taught us to say, it is well with our soul.

Do not fret. God knows what is best for you. Don't push Him, or He may stand aside and watch you run temporarily to your pleasure, and tip off into the precipice to your hurt.

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW

I posted this article on Facebook on the 10th Of June 2015. The lessons are still much potent, I have decided to post it here as well. 


Today I asked a staff in the office to take a picture of me with a new phone I got. I felt sad at myself because for a long time, I had not posted pictures of me online as and when I wanted. I realized my mind has been preoccupied with many things picture taking has not been one of them.
Na Marriage do am. My dad used to tell me, Son, do all you can do as a single man before you marry. Achieve some heights before you marry, otherwise things will be a bit slowed after that. And it is a natural consequence if you are a responsible husband.
I am thinking he was more than right. I mean, now I don't think in single dimension.... I think in 3D. I try to see everything from multiple facets. Before you act, before you move, before you speak...you ask yourself is it in the interest of the family. You do not have that random-up-and-just-do-it liberty again. You always need to consult. 
The last time I went to Takoradi, it took me more 4 hours. That was when I knew I had expired. 4 long hours from Tema to Takoradi? What happened to the Formula 1 driver??? This is like 3hour business with all the traffic added.
I met a couple of friends last Saturday at Osu - Social Media brought to life kinda. One guy asked why I don't write a lot lately. I said work and family and the demands thereof. I think I have posted only a single blog post or so this year.
In the end, there are many things we all want to do. If you want to give your best to them, do it now young man; do it now Young woman. Go to church and serve well and hard because after marriage your spouse will need attention and God and nature require that you give it to them. Go to school and get that qualification because after marriage, hating spouses, demanding kids and thinned out cash flow can slow you down. With the right education you attract the right kind of man or woman or the right kind of social circle. It's not the other way round.
Build that career you want; as an African, childbearing in marriage for healthy couples cannot be discounted neither can you discount the pressure attached to not having kids. Marriage, childbearing and child rearing MAY slow you down. And if you want to wait a while after marriage so you can attend to other things, then pray and hope your spouse will understand you. Attend to those things now.
Hang out all you can and make all the right friends and connections; stay out long if it gives you satisfaction as long as they do not become times spent in regrettable follies that will haunt you tomorrow. When you marry you may need permission to stay out with the boys after 9pm or pick a call from that unsaved number after 10pm.
There are some things you don't find out until you are married. And some find them out in marriage and find it difficult to accept them. But here I am, PG, sharing it for free. Grab, learn and live.

PG Sebastian.
Copyrights 2015

SEX IN MARRIAGE - FAMILIES TOGETHER TV



The Issue of Sex has been a thorny one in the modern marriage. The manifestation cuts across, from new marriages to marriages that can be considered as old marriages ( 10 years or more). The attached video is a discussion I had on Families Together TV aired on Etv Gh. Click on the link and join this discussion. 

Click On this link to watch the video on Sex In Marriage Pt1

 Be kind to leave your own thoughts behind. Gracias.

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015 

SEX IN MARRIAGE 2 - FAMILIES TOGETHER TV





The Issue of Sex has been a thorny one in the modern marriage. The manifestation cuts across, from new marriages to marriages that can be considered as old marriages ( 10 years or more). The attached video is a discussion I had on Families Together TV aired on Etv Gh. Click on the link and join this discussion.  


Kindly Share your thoughts after watching this video. Thank you

PG Sebastian
Copy Rights 2015

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

ABBREVIATIONS, SHORTHAND AND THE FOLLY OF MARITAL SHORTCUTS

This morning, from what I read on most of the pages I am on on WhatsApp, I saw a couple of people greet, 'GM', others, 'Gudmorn' and the lot that are being churned out on daily basis. This is not the first time I have seen these greetings and abbreviations . Personally I have made it a point not to respond to GM. We even say BHG to mean By His Grace. We write IJN to mean In Jesus name. No big deal; blame it on Social media.

I am wondering, where are we in a rush to? Some say GM and that's it. I am asking, where are we in a rush to so much so that we can't take time to write in full, 'Good morning?' To me, getting it fully written down shows thought, deliberateness, importance and attachment.

I could be wrong, but don't we think our society is fast becoming a society of shorthand, fast food, quick money and quick fixes? And that can explain why so many marriages are struggling. My thought is not on the GM and the BHG at all.... It is more about the 'quickies' we are all getting addicted to.

As a relationship coach, I see the pain on faces of people when I ask them to undertake certain actions and steps to bring their relationships and marriages back on track. It feels so arduous and demanding. Can't we just wave our hands and get this stuff sorted out? Why must I suffer to get this marriage working? Yes my darling, some things don't have the shortcut button, so if you need them work, then you have to work it out the hard way.

In your chat with me, you can respond to my, 'How are you?'  query with a cute, 'BHG.' But when your husband comes from work and he asks for food, you can't point to the direction of the kitchen and assume he gets the idea, especially when you have been home most of the day. When your wife is pregnant and feeling all hormonal, you can't point to the car keys and a doctor's complementary card and think it is sorted. An Ambulance, called in from Lister to pick her up to the hospital, is still not enough if that is all you are willing to do.  

You can't entrench yourself in the thought that this is the man's responsibility and this is the woman's responsibility and therefore avoid lending a hand of support to each other when their hands grow tired with the load. Your children do not need cable TV and the Internet as a gag to their existential demand for a bit of real life. What they need is real attention and relationship with you, not Hannah Montana and North West and her parents and Aunties... Oh and Bruceline.... sorry I mean Caitlyn (if I got the spelling right)

Sex cannot always be quickies and 100 meters. What happened to Slow moving Marathons, where everyone gets their fill and collapse under the weight of inexpressible touch with our basal desires? You cannot equate success at home with quantitative materialism and you definitely cannot snap your fingers and get Djinies popping out and granting wishes.

Marriage is nothing like you see in Hollywood make - believes,  nothing like social media will depict it; indeed it is not even within the fringes of the thought of ease. Marriage is work; full sentences,  proper punctuation, heck, the right diction and voice inflection. A slight deviation can score you a big fat zero.

Give it time and make it work. It is for the dedicated,  the diligent and those who commit wholeheartedly.


#Random

PG Sebastian
2015 Copyrights