Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Tuesday, 8 December 2015


Name them
Tag them
Let us Know them
We want to Know
We need to Know
We should Know
Who is paying for it?
Who is the Sponsor?

We know you were In Dubai; you posted it online...On Facebook
That was 3 months after the SA trip...Which you also posted on Facebook
We know you flew Business Class
And we know even Economy class is above your pay grade
So who is the Sponsor?
Tag Your Sponsor
Tag the Sponsor

Breakfast in Bed at the plush 5 Star hotel...eeeeiiii Madam Ne!
Wu muodzen! Life dey be give you
But you and I know this is more than your three years Annual gross
We beg, Gossip Alliance (GA) want to know
Who is the unfortunate one?
We are curious
Whose bank Account is suffering?
Charlie Charlie Charlie! Are telling us the room service guy took the shot? In your panties?
Heeeerrrrrr? Ka no kor3!

No don't get us wrong, it is not like we will die if we do not get to know
Just that we know cameras don't hang around and take pictures of you while you walk around
The pouted lips blowing the kisses
The padded backside you want us to see
The contours and the landforms you want us to admire....
The pictures were taken by someone naaah?
Don't difficult the whole issues... abeg who take am?

We know it was not your girls girls...because we have seen your other pictures
We have seen you hugging each other
Wild selfies and sensual poses....
Sometimes we even wonder about your straightness level...if you get our drift
And we know if it were to be you and your girls they would rep in the pic
These pics are girls-less....
Who took them?
Tag photoo la

Eiiishhh Charlie this Michael Kors di3.... duty free... Asuw333
The Fendi and Gucci
Along side some Galaxy S6 Edge
We all make weak for wanna legs inside ooh... heeerrrr you get form.
Madam you have arrived
But we know some hands carried you
This no bi prophetic hands neither is it D'bee hands
It is not salary hands... you don't even have a salary...
Oya, make una confide in us
Which hands?

You know you are a lady
You know you will marry
You know you will marry a man
Another of the same kind who is denying his wife the joy of pampering
So he can shower it all on you
As far as his wife is concerned, there was no annual bonus
Yet this Christmas, annyaaaa 15k di3 eno go faa you
But the kids will wear old dresses....
Hanging and tight clothes
As for the wife di3...she is on her own...abi she dey work...she would be told
Yet it would be the third time in the year you would have changed your wardrobe

We know
You and Us
We are aware
So tag am make we know am
Let this itch stop la
Staaaaaapppppp iiiiiiiitttttttt
Tag the sponsor
Let's congratulate him for pimping you up.
The Ride dey be.
Where you dey stay too fine too much
Tag Anonymous sponsor la
Tell him it is time to come out from the closet
It is time to show his face in the Dubai Pictures since we know those shots were not taken by a sheikh
Tell him it is time we saw him serving you the break fast in bed...

Look boys make wild
Charlie you for tag am
Why? What dey wrong you?
Madam! Tag adi3 no na gyae rough no
Tag am!
If you don't and you turn 36 years we will not escort you to prayer meetings for prophetic directions ooh
No, we are serious.
If we do not know Mr Otua paa....forgelt
You will go and pray and beg and role and fast and bind and tie...
We will also pray that God makes you single till you tag am
Charlie adwen fi come inside
Tag am!!!!!!

It is about time
Anonymous Sponsor.... It is about time....

PG Sebastian
For and On Behalf Of Gossip Anonymous
2015 All Rights Reserved.

Monday, 2 November 2015


How can you relax in your marriage at this crucial time when the family is under attack on every front? Have you suffered years of dating and the first few years of your marriage for nothing? Instead of throwing your hands up in the air, feeling frustrated in the face of this paralyzing drama, why don't you find meaningful and innovative ways of making it work? Every generation faces a form of unsettling attack on the family, but they pull through. What are you doing to pull through?

Complaining, abuse, bitterness, infidelity and ultimately divorce  are the fast lanes and short cuts out of most of the challenges that confront the family. Some, even go beyond the cliff and take their own lives or get shoved out of their minds... literally...with the worries and lack of progress. Have you tried something deeper and personal? Something engaging and challenging? Have you tried something that shows you really want this to work? In fact, have you carried out an Audit of the problem and with a clear head, relegating your emotions to the background, trying your best to be objective in your assessment. Emotions never solves anything.

Everyone can get up and leave.... and leave with a story so nicely told, they sound plausible and become a must-buy-into story. Who goes to the cross for a bad marriage you may say. True... but why is single parenthood a big issue? Why does society accepts that it's never easy on those who are caught up in it? Have you considered the kids?
While the hammer is hanging over your head, ready to mash your head to pulp anytime without warning, and storming out of home may appear as the best option.... Have you considered what life is like out there? I do not dispute that some worse scenarios have been avoided after couples went their individual ways, but has it always been the case?  

It may sound like everywhere out there is better than in here; you see the careless giggles and unbridled freedom that follow those who once upon a time decided to walk out. I guess you have not been told the complete story of what is out there. Of course they won't tell you; not many will. They don't want you to know the pain they polish over....No, they don't want you to know about the emptiness and the brokenness neatly waxed over with 1.85 inches of L'Oréal primer to pressed powder. For some, it is the regrets of not listening when they were told to give it a little more time. So they polish it up and make you see the outside as a must-be place. 

But there is a stock of people who tell themselves, they will stay and make it work. They understand it is not easy to work with they wear themselves out to be true to their words.... their words before God, before men and before the law. How hard have you tried beyond the ruffling of your whims and caprices? Those who try and refuse to let go are mostly those who celebrate their 25 wedding Anniversary...and then their 50th.... up until Dead Really do them part. Marriage is never easy anywhere; it is a relationship of two people who look beyond the now to really create their own paradise in the midst of the chaos within and without. 

If we decide this is it (making sure that the choice of Partner is right to begin with, instead of making sub-optimal choice ) then we will surely figure out how to get this thing working. Prayer works.... but that is after you have done what you have to do, what your counselor has soundly advised you to do, what sound literature, like the bible, has instructed you to do. When all of that fail, then you can go on your knees. All the fasting in the world cannot fix a problem that humility,  fidelity, respect, genuine love, time and attention, care and compassion, dedication, discipline, personal involvement and honor among others can fix.

Marriage is never easy; it has never been easy...but then... working hard to get to the top in your career has never been handed over to anyone on a silver platter under a mango tree. With the right frame of mind we can achieve everything we want...including a marriage that works

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015

Monday, 17 August 2015


This morning while on my way to work, an incidence took place just before the Kawukudi traffic light that got me thinking. I was coming from the 37 Military hospital side with my face pointed toward Dzorwulu. I was a few meters away from the traffic light when a Nissan March Liftback did an impressive maneuvering that caught my attention.

The March was behind me at a good speed, which I thought was a bit unnecessary. I was in the inner lane and there was another car to my side in the outer lane. In a very brisk maneuvering, the March changed lanes and went ahead of the car to my side. I was impressed; this was a driver maximising time and space in traffic. Anyone who knows me knows I calculate time in traffic by the rate of acceleration and the gap in between cars. Drivers like the one driving this March, impress me while those like the one the March overtook annoy me. It is a working day; you cannot drive like the world is on a summer break. ‘Let there be some sense of urgency in your driving’, I always feel like yelling at drivers who take their sweet little time to drive around.

In a split second I wanted to change lanes and follow the Nissan March since the other car, having spotted the Red Light, was not in a hurry to close the gap between it and the March. But in that same moment, I looked past the March to the vehicles ahead of it; there was general cartage truck, Trotros, taxis – which the March was one - and some rickety private cars. The cars in my lane ahead of me were all cool and fairly new, predominated by private cars. I chose to stay in my lane.

As soon as the light turned Green and engines revved, firing and flying off, I saw the March trailing behind. Even though the vehicles ahead of it, which I had underestimated, had fired on by a good distance, the March was not running as fast as I thought it would.

I started to wonder what happened. Then I remembered two things; it had a small engine and it was an empty taxi. By virtue of the size of its engine, wisdom told the driver not to attempt a race with the SUVs and the other mid-size sedans. Obviously, however, the driver was not in traffic to race. He was there to get passengers and did not care about anyone else, whether they were driving at a million km/hr or they were taking their sweet little time. He was only trying to be spotted by passengers.

I was thinking wow, I have been fooled. If I had followed this driver, I would have been honking at him, cursing and binding him in the name of the Lord. I misjudged his initial actions and assumed he was on the same page with me. Do you see how easy it is to misjudge people and their intentions and ascribe certain favours and opportunities to them without taking time to know them better? 

We hear of how she swept him off his feet, with her bliss and splendour, her wit and her intellectual prowess. A young woman will tell you how irresistible he was and how his life and dreams were all well laid out and well planned. That is usually before they commit and in a few months of deeper involvement, get to see the real person emerging. Many people have abandoned fledging relationships and marriages for relationships that tickled their fancy and caused the bored butterflies in their tummies to find their wings again without lifting their eyes to see the path to the long term.

I like the way he talks; when he looks at me I can feel that he sees me, I matter to him, I have a place in his bigger plan. I like the way she thinks with me. This is the woman I have been looking for; this is the true lost rib. We heap all sorts of accolades on them because in a lightning moment they have made our legs wobble like jelly.

I was intrigued by the maneuvering of this little car and I nearly changed lanes to be in its lane because I was thinking that if I followed it, I would move faster. However, wisdom and experience has taught me that when you are dealing with humans, do not plan on that single entity itself; plan with all the other variables that make up the collage of their reality. In this instance, it was the other cars in front of it, the fact that it was a taxi and may soon stop suddenly to pick a passenger and the fact that everyone can pull off an impressive maneuvering in a small space in traffic and would suffer in the long haul. Wisdom told me to look at the lane I was in and what it promised me. I was satisfied with where I was.

I know that feeling that smacks you hard across the face when that young man shows up and it feels like you are wasting your life with this rather antiquated-good-for-the-museum man; detailed, boring, conservative, overly cautious and all the antediluvian demons you won’t even find in a Pandora’s Box. It could be you trying to choose between a fairy of a lady and your drab wife or girlfriend who has lost her glitter to the cares and worries of this life and therefore have nothing exciting to offer. Whatever it is, it is you living with the person and knows the heat in the kitchen. However, you may want to look past the impressive entry of that person who is getting your attention and put pen to paper, head to the pillow and see how sustainable their gimmicks are.

Look at the long term and ask yourself if on their own, in the exigencies surrounding them, they can keep doing this for you forever. Is it because life cut them some slack with a shard of time and a wad of money that they are able to impress you or they are in for the long haul? Look at where you stand and where you are going and ask yourself which lane you want to be in. Is this individual an empty ‘Taxi’ that is not going to any specific place, looking left and right bidding their time to be flagged by a willing passenger? Yes, in the beginning, it looked like this guy knew where he was going, but soon you realise he is not really going anywhere. He has all these grand ideas he peddles around, beautiful story about life that he tells everyone and an engagement ring he has shown to a hundred ladies before you. Then the reality kicked in. 

Some people are able to change lanes and get their lives back on track, other are not able to do so in the thicket of life’s traffic, fearing someone will run into their car or hoping this taxi driver will soon accelerate. Many people are in such slow lanes because without a moment thought, they fell for the façade and are now caught up in the long term delays. Some people are struggling to follow their dreams but there are many things slowing them down; some are poorer because of the cost they are bearing being in a particular relationship or marriage. Some people are emotionally and physically abused, having nowhere to turn to and no one to listen to them.

A wise man said an unexamined life is not worth living; I will add that an unexamined life, is not worth entering. While you are advised to examine a lifestyle before you emulate it, you are also being cautioned to examine carefully the life of the person you are hoping to cast your lot with before you take that step. In my days, people went home with their partners and had proper assessment done before any further commitment was made because we understood the unassailable truth that what an adult sees sitting, a child cannot see even if he climbs a sycamore tree. In this day, people get pregnant before they bother to find out if the guy is an orphan or an alien.

There is so much hurt  and pain going around right now because we have become impulsive, unrestrained and trivial in our thought processes. We fall for the light and the superficial rather than the deep and the veritable and we wonder why there are so many heartbreaks.

There are many taxis in traffic impressing us, and I know you are a helpless romantic for the fast and furious, but please, take time and be circumspective in your choices and your commitment and you will save yourself a lot of heartbreaks.  Be interested in your own life, wellbeing and dignity and take time to know people before you commit to them in relationship and marriage. Some people are as shallow as Matrikew slippers and a 90 day probation would reveal a lot.

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015. All Rights Reserved 

Thursday, 30 July 2015


I understand that in this current dispensation, not all men will be the financial heads of their families. Call it the restoration of the long awaited equilibrium. That, however, is no cause for men to panic and try to subjugate their women as they break free financially and flourish. It is a major challenge in Africa and among most African men, to the extent that some men do not find it comfortable dating successful women.

As a man, you need to handle this as any business man will. A Scientist/Entrepreneur with an idea will need money to push it through. That is where a financier comes in. If the Scientist/Entrepreneur goes about their business in the most prudent way possible, most often they have no problems with the financier. Without the money, the Scientist/Entrepreneur is stuck with all the nice ideas and nothing to push them. 

It is a difficult situation for men to be in, especially coming from the Patriarchal nature of our social structure and its attending Egocentricity of the men in it. But well I think there is the brighter side to look at this from. If, as men, we will be smart, we will find out that there are many areas in the family and in the marriage setting that can't be monetarily measured. 

What is the average well educated and successful woman looking for in a man? A decent, committed and authentic companionship. She can get it from any man, but that any man is not her man. And she understands that any attempt to secure that with her money will make her miserable in the end. Can you offer that authentic and decent companionsip she is looking for in a man? 

No successful woman wants to hang out with a dimwit guy - sorry, that did not come out well. She is quite excited about the intellectual prowess of a man. Football and fashion may hold but not for long. Find something more intellectually stimulating, especially in her field and in your own field. Prove to her you are not just a sex tool. You may not be an encyclopaedia on wheels; but what is your general impression and interpretation of the world around you and how do you look at them at the Micro and the macro levels?  

Every woman is looking for someone she can come home to; a decent, responsible and honest man. Someone who is fair but firm. Can you be that person? Can you balance your life so well that you can have time for your private gigs without compromising your involvement with the family? Can you correct, advice and guide her without sounding judgmental,  critical and unnecessarily controlling? Can you pick up the pieces in love after you know your words or actions have shattered her and draw her to yourself? 

Every once in a while, a woman comes by who needs an enhanced covering, be it emotional or spiritual. Remember she may be willing to pay to be prayed for, or give good gifts to those who pray with and for her, when she feels the weight is too much for her shoulders alone. You know if you simply knew how to go before God on behalf of the family most of her anxieties would be sorted? How emotionally mature are you? Because her money cannot buy that. And in this present age of Drama, a good woman would want very minimal of it. Grab a hold of your emotions and be a man who is mature in that department. 

Sex is important and I tell you a good one is worth dying for. So I suggest you read around a little and be on top of your game; whether in the initiation or the journey through it. Now tell me how a bank full of cash can give a sister that kind of satisfaction. Eeerrmmm I mean sex in case you are thinking I just gave a green light.

A woman needs a man she can take home. Not all the money in the world can get her a good man. That man has to have a connection with her family - the old, the young, the healthy, the infirmed, the rich, the poor, the pretty and the ugly. That man has to try his best to reach out to all her circles of friends. His doors must be opened to her and her own. You know she can't fix that with her money. A good personality is priceless. 

All the education and money in the world cannot replace the need for a male figure in the lives of her children. Uncle Rhys is good to them, but he has his own family commitments. Can you be that Father she can totally cast her kids on and not worry what will happen to them because she knows they are safe? 

Every successful woman is surrounded by other successful people, so instead of getting intimidated by the kind of people she surrounds herself with, you may want to develop yourself, build self-confidence and have an unshakable assurance in the fact that she is yours. Develop yourself so you can blend into her social circles instead sitting back and fuming, hurting and roasting on a grill of insecurity. She cannot take you out if you act funny around her friends and she will not join you out if you still insist on dabbling in your low cost past.  Upgrade yourself the same way if you picked up a girl off the street, you wouldn’t want her following you about in trashy clothes and dripping with ill manners.  

There is absolutely nothing wrong when a man lends a hand at home. When she was alone, her burden was light, which meant that she was free to give her time and energy to her dreams, the success of which you see now. You are not suggesting that she stops all that to put food on the table for you because you and the kids came along, are you? And how do you think all the luxury around you would be paid for? You think the tomcard that fuels the 4.7Ltr Engine you drive fills itself up? Just offer a helping hand so she is not much burdened. A happy woman makes a happy home. Solomon will tell you that. 

There are many things a man can do in the life of a woman who is successful. Many things that will make the woman forget she is financially a notch higher and realise that with all the money she is pumping in, you are yet indispensable. You are the brains behind the invention and the innovation. You are the architect without which a mess of a building would be created. 

Just find the right spot to hold my brother and harness it. There is a lot you can do to make your woman or that woman you have targeted be 'Steady' on her show of opulence. You need to get to the point where, like a professor, your woman realizes that you cannot be measured financially and that you are worth more than gold. The Scientists, Entrepreneurs and the inventors are not usually the wealthy folks around, but tell me how far the world has come just on the wheels of money without the contribution of these brains. Be that person, who without much financially is still valuable than someone with everything.

And while you are getting there, don't push her down, allow her to fly. Make her feel good about herself and see what she will do for you. Make her feel a part of it and see what happens in the home. You will not be broke forever[ sorry I did not mean it like that] but you don’t want to look back one day and pinch yourself for all the successful ladies you let go in favour of not-so-successful ladies because you were scared to man up. You will look back and see how your current success would have doubled or tripled if you had caught the wind in her wings then. 

There is no glory in being broke and proud. Everyone needs someone. Karl Marx calls it the conflictual relationship between the haves and the have-nots. You have someone she needs, she has something you need. Do not be scared of what she has because she is not scared of what you have. 

Man up and go get her! Be a man and take charge. You are too paranoid and fixated with the financial inequality, all you see is her financial dominance. Your paranoia is making you lose touch with all the things you can do to make her love you. That is boring bro. Marriage is not about you and me; it is about getting the best out of that union. If her only asset is her financial success, well why not fill the rest up? 

Things will never change, women are going to keep getting richer and more powerful so I suggest you do something about yourself so you can match up. Feeling intimidated is lame...I think...

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015

Tuesday, 28 July 2015


Now let's hear the end of the matter:

Not all will marry. Not all will have children. Not all will enjoy the blessings of Marriage or of having children. For some, Children will be their biggest curse and for some their marriage will be their biggest trap and regret. In all things, thank God, If He loves you, He denies you some things that will, in the future, hurt you.

You will not understand while you walk in the dark, yes and it is the hardest part. Sometimes you wish God would be upfront with you. Whatever your lot, my brother, the Scripture has taught us to say, it is well with our soul.

Do not fret. God knows what is best for you. Don't push Him, or He may stand aside and watch you run temporarily to your pleasure, and tip off into the precipice to your hurt.


I posted this article on Facebook on the 10th Of June 2015. The lessons are still much potent, I have decided to post it here as well. 

Today I asked a staff in the office to take a picture of me with a new phone I got. I felt sad at myself because for a long time, I had not posted pictures of me online as and when I wanted. I realized my mind has been preoccupied with many things picture taking has not been one of them.
Na Marriage do am. My dad used to tell me, Son, do all you can do as a single man before you marry. Achieve some heights before you marry, otherwise things will be a bit slowed after that. And it is a natural consequence if you are a responsible husband.
I am thinking he was more than right. I mean, now I don't think in single dimension.... I think in 3D. I try to see everything from multiple facets. Before you act, before you move, before you ask yourself is it in the interest of the family. You do not have that random-up-and-just-do-it liberty again. You always need to consult. 
The last time I went to Takoradi, it took me more 4 hours. That was when I knew I had expired. 4 long hours from Tema to Takoradi? What happened to the Formula 1 driver??? This is like 3hour business with all the traffic added.
I met a couple of friends last Saturday at Osu - Social Media brought to life kinda. One guy asked why I don't write a lot lately. I said work and family and the demands thereof. I think I have posted only a single blog post or so this year.
In the end, there are many things we all want to do. If you want to give your best to them, do it now young man; do it now Young woman. Go to church and serve well and hard because after marriage your spouse will need attention and God and nature require that you give it to them. Go to school and get that qualification because after marriage, hating spouses, demanding kids and thinned out cash flow can slow you down. With the right education you attract the right kind of man or woman or the right kind of social circle. It's not the other way round.
Build that career you want; as an African, childbearing in marriage for healthy couples cannot be discounted neither can you discount the pressure attached to not having kids. Marriage, childbearing and child rearing MAY slow you down. And if you want to wait a while after marriage so you can attend to other things, then pray and hope your spouse will understand you. Attend to those things now.
Hang out all you can and make all the right friends and connections; stay out long if it gives you satisfaction as long as they do not become times spent in regrettable follies that will haunt you tomorrow. When you marry you may need permission to stay out with the boys after 9pm or pick a call from that unsaved number after 10pm.
There are some things you don't find out until you are married. And some find them out in marriage and find it difficult to accept them. But here I am, PG, sharing it for free. Grab, learn and live.

PG Sebastian.
Copyrights 2015


The Issue of Sex has been a thorny one in the modern marriage. The manifestation cuts across, from new marriages to marriages that can be considered as old marriages ( 10 years or more). The attached video is a discussion I had on Families Together TV aired on Etv Gh. Click on the link and join this discussion. 

Click On this link to watch the video on Sex In Marriage Pt1

 Be kind to leave your own thoughts behind. Gracias.

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2015 


The Issue of Sex has been a thorny one in the modern marriage. The manifestation cuts across, from new marriages to marriages that can be considered as old marriages ( 10 years or more). The attached video is a discussion I had on Families Together TV aired on Etv Gh. Click on the link and join this discussion.  

Kindly Share your thoughts after watching this video. Thank you

PG Sebastian
Copy Rights 2015

Tuesday, 7 July 2015


This morning, from what I read on most of the pages I am on on WhatsApp, I saw a couple of people greet, 'GM', others, 'Gudmorn' and the lot that are being churned out on daily basis. This is not the first time I have seen these greetings and abbreviations . Personally I have made it a point not to respond to GM. We even say BHG to mean By His Grace. We write IJN to mean In Jesus name. No big deal; blame it on Social media.

I am wondering, where are we in a rush to? Some say GM and that's it. I am asking, where are we in a rush to so much so that we can't take time to write in full, 'Good morning?' To me, getting it fully written down shows thought, deliberateness, importance and attachment.

I could be wrong, but don't we think our society is fast becoming a society of shorthand, fast food, quick money and quick fixes? And that can explain why so many marriages are struggling. My thought is not on the GM and the BHG at all.... It is more about the 'quickies' we are all getting addicted to.

As a relationship coach, I see the pain on faces of people when I ask them to undertake certain actions and steps to bring their relationships and marriages back on track. It feels so arduous and demanding. Can't we just wave our hands and get this stuff sorted out? Why must I suffer to get this marriage working? Yes my darling, some things don't have the shortcut button, so if you need them work, then you have to work it out the hard way.

In your chat with me, you can respond to my, 'How are you?'  query with a cute, 'BHG.' But when your husband comes from work and he asks for food, you can't point to the direction of the kitchen and assume he gets the idea, especially when you have been home most of the day. When your wife is pregnant and feeling all hormonal, you can't point to the car keys and a doctor's complementary card and think it is sorted. An Ambulance, called in from Lister to pick her up to the hospital, is still not enough if that is all you are willing to do.  

You can't entrench yourself in the thought that this is the man's responsibility and this is the woman's responsibility and therefore avoid lending a hand of support to each other when their hands grow tired with the load. Your children do not need cable TV and the Internet as a gag to their existential demand for a bit of real life. What they need is real attention and relationship with you, not Hannah Montana and North West and her parents and Aunties... Oh and Bruceline.... sorry I mean Caitlyn (if I got the spelling right)

Sex cannot always be quickies and 100 meters. What happened to Slow moving Marathons, where everyone gets their fill and collapse under the weight of inexpressible touch with our basal desires? You cannot equate success at home with quantitative materialism and you definitely cannot snap your fingers and get Djinies popping out and granting wishes.

Marriage is nothing like you see in Hollywood make - believes,  nothing like social media will depict it; indeed it is not even within the fringes of the thought of ease. Marriage is work; full sentences,  proper punctuation, heck, the right diction and voice inflection. A slight deviation can score you a big fat zero.

Give it time and make it work. It is for the dedicated,  the diligent and those who commit wholeheartedly.


PG Sebastian
2015 Copyrights 

Thursday, 15 January 2015


I Recently attended to a client who works with one of the security Agencies; a woman in her early 50s by my estimation. When I was done and she was leaving, she left her Car keys behind – keys to An American Brand SUV. I did not realize she had left the keys behind until the next client in line noticed it and drew my attention to it.

My first urge was to call the security man to run after her with the keys. However, before I could carry out that thought, the client, a young man in his late 20s, offered to chase after the woman with the keys. I whisked off the pull to the thought and smiled openly, thanking him as he rushed out with the keys.

Just when the door slammed behind him, I sensed this gulping miasma of apprehension. What if the guy knew the woman’s car and ran past her and drove it away? I quickly decided that if by the count of five he was not back, I was going to get up from my desk and running after him. Luckily he returned as fast as he had left. 

While I attended to him, my mind wafted off to the thought that I entrusted something I needed to keep with all seriousness to a total stranger because he said he wanted to help. A client came to my premises and left her property unintentionally behind. During the period the property was in my care, I was liable for its safe keeping. If I had not seen it and someone had stolen it, then the onus would have been on her to prove that she left it on our premises and on my desk. In the exigency of the situation, I was aware she left it there and therefore the liability was on me to keep it safe for her.

I put myself in a position of bearing serious consequences should the keys have been lost or the car stolen. Then it dawned on me that I did exactly what a lot of people have done in the past, are doing in the present and will potentially do in the future with their love lives, relationships and marriages.

Many of us, when bogged down with the cares of the world, leave certain things behind, undone and uncared for. We forget the sweet compliments we used to give and the little acts of kindness that was characteristic of us. We leave off patience, respect and humility; the very critical things we need in life to go on with our love lives.

In moments like these, we leave our concerned partners in a quagmire. It is not so much of a problem if our partners do not notice these changes. In such instance, you would be left on your own until such a time you realize you have drifted off from them. Unfortunately, like it happened with my client’s keys, the drift get noticed. The concerned partner   notices the changes taking place in their partner. They notice that what keeps them going; what keeps the love life on daily ignition is not with them.

Sometimes it is another person who sees the drift; a friend, a relative, a stranger. And when they draw our attention, in the heat of it all, they add their willingness to want to help. Let me talk to him, let me engage her, they offer. The person may be of the opposite sex or the same sex as your partner. We sometimes give in to their request because we may be momentarily overwhelmed and bereft of any plausible solutions. At other times, it is the flattery we feel that someone wants to take off that responsibility, stress and sweat of fixing the drift. There are other times we fall on the proximity of the helper to our spouses and let them help – he or she goes back in time with your spouse that they are likely to do a better job than you possibly can. They are blood related so there is a better connection, we opine.

I was tied down with a lot of things, the guy's request seemed like the perfect solution to the situation. Again, I felt flattered that I wouldn't have to get up and run after someone with a bunch of keys. There was a young man ready to carry that load and it felt really good. 

But what if it went bad? What if this person you have entrusted your marriage or relationship to wants your man or woman? What if along the line things take a different twist and the one you have entrusted your love life to, gets entangled with our partner and things take a different turn? What if they misrepresent you or in trying to mediate between you they mess things up and leave your relationship worse than before. 

When the guy left I started panicking, asking myself how much it would have cost me in time and effort to go after the client myself. The truth is, it was my duty to do it. That was why I was there. The other client noticed the keys had been left behind; that was where it should have ended.  The rest was for me to pursue. 

It costs little to pursue your love life to ensure it is on track. It cost a bit of effort but little compared to the ultimate price to pay if we let laziness,  pride and acts of convenience get in the way. Many people have borne hefty price for abandoning their love lives on others. From mild complications to total mess they have borne. 

Yes it pays to involve a trusted hand when things get out of your hand. Nonetheless,  the first effort must come from you, and it must stay so until such time when you realize it is beyond you and it is only wise to seek for external help. 

In seeking for that help, seek it from the right quarters. There was a security man at post who could have done that for me. Seek a competent person's help and do not abandon your love life to inexperienced sympathizers. Yes they may sound caring and concerned, but care and sympathy are not enough to fix serious marital problems.

This Marriage is for life, work it and make it work.  

PG Sebastian
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