Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Wednesday, 23 April 2014


Hey! HEEYY!!!! I am talking to you! Why are you so distracted? Why can’t you just focus on what you have and make it work? You are distracted by the people in your phone and your social media circles, you are distracted by your boys and girls. You are distracted by senseless Hollywood clichés, unrealistic expectations and noisy unexplored whispers from people of the opposite sex. You are distracted by a lot of things. 
Can you finish that call with your loved one before you talk to other people? I think it is just rude to keep interrupting them over trivia from friends? Can’t they see you are on the phone? Can you keep interrupting your boss every second or tell them you will call him/her back because you saw someone you want to chitchat over trivia with? So what makes you think it is OK to do same with your partner? Oh but you should understand… me and you are on a different level…we should not make it look like it’s business…Yes, so whatever arrangement you have with your partner should always be to their disadvantage because you are on a different level with them? Like Seriously? Can you concentrate and have a decent personal time with your family or partner? 

 Can’t you tell your friends you cannot make it because you have other family obligations? Can’t you tell them, you need to be home, you need to pick that call, you need to change that topic and end that chat, you need to stop that lifestyle…. Can’t you focus on what you have now? We compromise to make everyone happy, forgetting that those compromises are at the expense of our marriages and relationships. Each time you put a smile on someone’s face, it is probably a frown you are putting on your partner’s face. Learn to say no! Learn to place your woman first. Learn to think about your man before you take that reckless decision. 

Ad3n? Wo koraaa wo y3 nipa b3n?

This guy you are flirting with, for which reason you suddenly find your boyfriend/hubby boring, will, in no time, add you to his collection of cheap ladies who can’t stay faithful to their men. He will go and tell his boys and they will laugh at you. What an insult to your man? Remember, there is bedroom-before-sex talk and after sex talk. This lady who is crazily giving it to you, might have given it to others and is probably still giving it to others as she gives it to you -Yari3 Nkoaa! [Full of Dis-eases]…What? Surprised? Doesn’t she know you are married or attached? All these ladies who are ill advising you and exposing you to things a woman in a monogamous relationship should not bother herself with, are all in to hurt you, consciously or unconsciously. Do not afflict yourself with their greed. Do not follow your boys to mess it up. You are in a serious relationship…what business have you hanging around with singles? You think I am crazy? Look at it from this way…. Singles go to where singles go. Singles do what singles do. They meet girls, hang out and try their luck. So you and your boys go to a pub…three guys meet three ladies… two of the boys are singles so they hook up…. It is left with you and another single girl… How long will it take before you also start indulging her.. .after all, you do not want to be seen as boring…of course boring people do not come to the pub…. In no time you hit a conversation…one thing leads to the other… it gets complicated…. You soon find yourself doing something you did not see yourself doing a month ago… You are not keeping the focus my brother…my sister… 

It’s an issue between you and your partner, how come it has become an issue on a table at a boys –boys sitting? Why are you discussing it with friends who cannot help you? Why is it now a social media update? Relationships are about compromises; why are you capitalizing on it to manipulate your partner? Why are you sticking to your views and not giving in on an issue, sister? 

What you have is all there is for you… Why marry a woman you could not cherish every day for all days? Why marry a man you cannot be excited about for all time? I guess it was the money… it was the peer pressure…the lust…your lack of circumspection… you thought it was business as usual… 

Nothing good comes easily, so I will need you to stand down on the distraction and roll up your sleeves and make this work, soldier! I need you to prioritize your life. Know what comes first, know what is important, know what is key to your future. Oh Please save me the Oh it was an accident and I was bored and I needed an escape and I was in love trash Please…you indulged it, you saw it coming, and you played along…stop playing innocent. Stop it already!

Stop all these interruptions. Please concentrate on your marriage, your relationship. Concentrate on what you have. If you are not satisfied in it, walk out so a better person can come and give your partner heaven. Half and half is not the best, halfhearted effort is as bad as no effort. This distraction is causing you to operate at a minimal capacity. You think your partner nags and you feel they are in your skin…. No they are not…they are watching you and they see your eyes are off the road…you are not concentrating and focusing hence their fear and trepidation. Add meaning to what you have, give the same strength and dedication to this relationship like you give your career and other things that mean the world to you. Look your marriage and relationship should mean the world to you. 

Do not say people change and no one knows tomorrow so you are not going to keep your eggs in one basket. Nonsense! Your eggs can be in one basket and given to a dedicated person and they will get home safe…and your eggs can also be in three different baskets and given to three different dramatic people and none will get home safe. Your eggs can also be in three different baskets given to three dedicated people...they all get home and you don't know who to thank...there is a name for that... CONFUSION...which is where you are now. Think about it. 

Give your best while you are at it. Let it be said you did your best and you put in your maximum but it did not work. Do not let it be said, it failed because you did not give your best.

Let’s play this little game called Keeping The Focus On Your Relationship shall we? You go first!

PG Sebastian  

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