Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Wednesday, 5 March 2014


Justin thought deeply about what Jessica had just said. He monotonously took a gulp of the bottle of water he was holding. He was certain he understood Jessica and her hurt. It was not hard to figure out, even if she herself did not realize how damaged she was. 

“So you see,” Justin said. “At 23years if you are going to pay for someone’s cruelty to you by availing yourself to further misuse, in no time you cannot count the number of men you have been with on just one hand with its five fingers; you might need the other hand and all your toes on your two feet. And the longer the list, the greater the chances are that you will be scaring away every good and decent man who has taken good care of himself and would want  a lady who has done equally the same.”

Most men cannot look you in the eyes and tell you they will not marry you because of your past sexual escapades; they will not. They will be with you as long as they get to have a feel of you and when the ultimate moment comes they will look for a virgin or a lady with manageable past. It is an unspoken reality. We mess ladies up and run. We do not carry our mess along. It takes the grace to have a very successful relationship, free of doubt, mistrust, and total love when you have had “a real experience,” if you know what I mean. It is a matter of Ego and you can curse about it, but it won’t change anything; not even when we make this world a woman's world. Call me a chauvinist, but it is what it is.

When we were in the university a guy had a wedding and decided to drive through campus with his bride who was a final year student. There was this crazy flat mate of mine sitting with his friends who had come to visit him. One of the guys started laughing, turned to the others and they all burst into uncontrollable laughter pointing fingers at each other.  That was after the decorated Mercedes had driven by.

Apparently they had all slept with the bride at different times. After they settled down, my flat mate said philosophically why would this man show off this girl? Why would you spend so much money just to have what we had for free and took the little she had? Hmm seriously, this girl should have married somewhere in Ghana where no one knows her.

Later they explained that she was not ‘a cheap girl’ per se, but she easily got carried away; a lady starved of love and would give anything for true love. So after my flat mate went out with her and dumped her, one of the guys went in to comfort her and ended up sleeping with her and in like manner, till all the four boys were done with her.

Won’t it be sad Jessica that one day you meet the man of your dreams who adores you yet you have to live with the fact that you have wasted your time and the best part of your life on worthless people? Won’t it be an insult to such a man if you two should bump into Winston or any of those guys, and while exchanging pleasantries, all they are thinking about are those moments they had you? And the fact that you were so easy to have?  Won’t it be sad Jessica?

Do not toy with the valuables in your life; there are very few things that make a woman a woman. Money is not one of them neither is fame. They all come and go. It is the value you put on yourself that set you apart from the lots. Do not follow the crowd or you would be missing in it. Move in a different direction so you can be outstanding.

The Book of Proverbs asks, ‘who can find a virtuous woman?’ Then it says, ‘For her price is above rubies.’ If anyone can sleep with you under the pretext of love when there are no sureties that they are going to take you to the end of time then you are not worth that much.

Sexual intimacy is a sacred act that bonds spirits. Anyone who indulge in it pre-maturely opens up the vault of crave and weakness for it that can never be satisfied. You will never forget your first time and you will always be tempted to try something different. My dear, once you pop, you can’t stop.

You cannot say someone or something is good or bad if that is the only experience you have. Once you keep changing men, you start getting basis for comparison, and once you start comparing, your current boyfriend start appearing to be bad in bed compared to your ex. Since you cannot go back to your ex, you then feel compelled to get a better guy and it is likely to continue with you constantly discovering that there is something about your past that you are not finding in your present relationship.

That is how some people end up doing stuff with their ex even after they are married, or go on to be promiscuous when they marry. They comparatively do not find their partners satisfying enough; and satisfaction is a general term applicable to many areas in life not just sex.

Do you think you will be different? Maybe one day you will find true love and all this will stop...maybe, but do not bank your hopes on it; the larger your experience the harder it is for one person to satisfy you.

It is not for nothing that I am single. All my close friends are married. The recent one was Edwin. It is not easy on me but I have not found the right person yet. My standards are not high; it is just that there a lot more ladies who would not do much to meet up some standards; and it is not that they cannot, it is that they find it daunting a task to give it a little effort. 

Sadly enough women start giving their best in their thirties when the pace of life is so fast and each passing day without a man casts a gloomy prospect on their future. That unfortunately is when most guys are not interested in them again.

Jessica made a face, but just then the doorbell rang simultaneously with her phone. It was Kwame.

“Oh Kwame is home, lemme attend to the gate.” But they heard the gate opened; she did not lock it when Justin came in.  Oh my bad, “I did not lock the gate.”

“I will pray with you and hope you find true love. I want to invite you to church this Sunday, how does that sound?” Justin started to wrap up.  
“Perfect! I hope your pastor is fine and single because I think I need a man of God in my life right about now.”
“Hahahah!” Justin laughed out loud, “You will find more than a man of God my dear; you will meet God. And you will be glad you did. At least he will not freak out on your past nor see you in the light of your past. He will love you even if you ‘run’ yourself; he will love you regardless. The truth is he has always had a thing for you. Come let us return to the Lord

“Some vibe you got.” Jessica said brandishing a dazzling smile. “See you on Sunday... and thanks a lot for everything. I really appreciate it. I mean much as it's not the kind of advice I was expecting, it has turned out to be the best advice any girl would really appreciate. I don’t know how the girls’ fraternity worldwide can pay you for this, but am sure we can all decide to marry you so we have a big fat family with you as our King, priest, counsellor and husband, now tell me that does not sound interesting”

They both burst into shoulder heaving laughter.

Kwame entered the hall with a pale face as if he just saw a ghost.
He smile and headed towards the fridge and took a can of energy drink. Jessica smiled politely back at him, gave Justin a quick wave and retired to her room.

She entered her room and started turning it upside down looking for something she did not know what. She found a beautifully bound book in one of her drawers where her ‘undies’ are kept and pulled it out. She opened and was face with a page that has this inscription.

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

She stood staring intently at the scripture in Prov 11:22. She spent the next three days trying to understand it. And when she was done she knew the old chapters were closed.

And her life was never the same. The last sex she had was a week earlier, which was the last she had till her honeymoon... three years later.  After Joe’s drama, their relationship ended and Jessica concentrated on other areas of her life starting a new relationship 2years later that led to marriage. Her husband supported her trying his best not to judge her past no matter how hard it was.

She will never know Winston’s wife found out about their relationship and never forgave him. They divorced the same day she [Jessica] was getting married. Winston will move to Scotland to pursue higher academic excellence and will live single and childless all his life.

In 15 years Joe will become the youngest Minister of state in charge of health. Jessica will make a careless comment about him, when he appears on TV, that would hurt her husband and bring them to the verge of divorce.

Her life would end well at 63years but her past would always be a shadow she would never get rid of.

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2010