Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Tuesday, 22 October 2013


My name is Hetty. I am a graduate from the University of Cape Coast. I work with a Media Consulting Firm Somewhere in Accra, Ghana. I recently got dumped by a guy I was growing to like as I grew to know him. My sin, for which I was dumped, was the same sin for which many others like him, before him, have dumped me and a sin I will continue to commit till His Kingdom Come. 

If saving myself for my future husband is a sin worth being dumped for, then I would rather be a sinner than be righteous. 

I am in my mid-twenties and I have lost quite a good number of guys [I can’t count on one hand] in their twenties who first came with the same old tasteless line: I love you and I want to be with you. I want us to marry. I want us to bond better….Tasteless stupid lines. Aside my first boyfriend I contained for the longest time, the rest of the guys did not last longer than the cycle of the moon [and as a woman you should know the other cycle of moon I am referring to]. It always came down to the same thing; Can we make love? Then they follow it with length-less ‘litany of Gregorian chants of, How can we date and not share our bodies and bond? How can you claim you love me if you cannot share your body with me?’ 

Sometimes I am tempted to ask, how can you claim you love me if you cannot wait for the right time according to MY calendar to get into my panties? But then, I decide against asking; what is the use? The guy is thinking with his pee wee rather than his head; he is a lost course. No need to reason with him; drop him off like a cancerous habit already. Maybe I am too smart for my own good. I will not repeat Eve’s stupidity by arguing with a cunning Viper! I will lose, he will get me to bite the apple and I will join the longest queue of ladies who will give their second best to the man who is decent and honorable enough not to think of his penis [Oopss pardon my Chinese], but think of me as a human being worth respecting and whose family is worth respecting…and take me home and call me his wife. 

And come to think about it; each man I let go for not getting to my most sacred place, from whence men get to take a glimpse of the 7th Heaven in a cataclysmic convulsion of oohhss and aaahhsss and tonnes of Ohh My Gooosshhh, strengthens my resolve not to let the next man get that privilege. Logical isn’t it? Otherwise, the day I decide to let down my guard, I may as well invite all the men I ever loved but denied the sight of the Fabled 7th Heaven to line up and from the first right down to the newest, get them to take me. But that might either kill me or Kill me. Whichever way it happens, I will surely die, if not from physical exhaustion it might probably be emotional or maybe excessive bleeding. Can you imagine, taking about five guys in a single day; the same day I broke my virginity? Woow… that will be Gross-city!

So yes, I have decided to let them starve or curl up and die if they can’t wait. Starving they have, curling up and die? Not sure, though I am sure I have got a lot of pee wees curling up…not dying though. 

So this guy who recently dumped me was a guy I loved so much. I always wanted a man who was older than me; a man I could look up to, a man who was responsible and was going somewhere in life. No one should get me wrong; I have dated my age mates, those two years older, those a year younger… but sadly they all suffered from ESHCS as in Extreme Seventh Heaven Crave Syndrome. 

I was thinking at his age and stature, he wouldn’t mind taking it easy till we were ready to settle down. In his own words, ‘Í have been with enough women to last me a life time’ So I was sure this was the beginning of the many blissful moments to come for me. At last I could breathe. At last I could be with a man and not be haunted by someone suffering from ESHCS.

He wanted to meet my family. He was so ready to marry me. Eiii Me? Na medi3 me y3 hwan? [Me? But who am I?] Gosh, serious guys like that don’t come easily… They are far and apart. 

I spoke with my counselor about it and I was not so amused when he told me to take it easy and let the man work his way and prove his worth. His first advice was, do not open up your legs…you have closed it long and tight enough. One thing that will make Eve take a bite is when there is the prospect of being a custodian of something every human love…for Eve it was knowledge, for today’s woman, in this part of the world, it is marriage. Do not fall for the marriage trick. 

I was confused and not amused by the advice. That was when it occurred to me that much as I have kept other men out for all this while, I might…just might…with a bit of pressure and the prospect of laying hold unto this Gold Ring on my fourth finger, let him see heaven…and not just the one with Angels and Demons…but the Seventh Heaven…filled with Cherubs and all things pearly… 

I did not know I was that close to giving in, until I was told not to give in. That anger and confusion made me realize unconsciously I was slip sliding down the path of chastity… But can you blame me when everyone thinks it is an aberration for a lady not to get done once in a while. 

But my counselor is my counselor. He has done a lot for me, which in no small sense has protected me in the past and therefore I decided to please him. Please him, not me… just an indication of how I suddenly felt there was no need to fight to keep it again. 

Then slowly and surely the man in this Mister came up… And I told him, how sorry I was and how I really wanted him to give me every style in the book and outside of the book…but how sad I was to inform him, I am wearing a highly coded Panties the combination lock code of which was with my Pastor, the City Council and My Parents. I saw him undergo a sudden metamorphosis as he realized he must first go through all these people in a costly process to get the password to enter the glorious City Of The Valleys.

He was not the same man again. But I knew that phase would wear off or that face would wear off. One would surely have to go. Either he will go, or the urge will subside till he walked me down the aisle… and a big wedding it must be. Do you know how expensive it is to starve sexually just so you can give it to the winner? Cinderella had to walk without one shoe from China to Ghana to find her prince Charming… Oh yea, I am suffering…but I knew it would be worth the while. 

So days wore off, weeks followed and I realized maybe he will join the long list of the DGs….Disappointed Guys… 

But before I go on, let me say that I am not your typical hottie, but I have the kind of body that will make any man want to have a taste of me…and to know that I am that fresh, it gets them all mad…how will it be like to be the first to have that coveted flight to the Seventh Heaven. But when I look at myself, I know I am a good person, a decent lady. I come from a good background, seen by my parents and the people around me as a responsible person. So you see… I can’t disappoint people like that…not even myself.

So you will appreciate my utter shock when I learnt, Mister got married three weeks ago, to a lady he told me was his cousin because her name kept showing up on his phone. You would appreciate my complete disgust to know, this man would have tore me apart like a starving dog only for him to run off with his sweaty self and walk another woman down the aisle under a month of our supposed break up. You can imagine if I was a loose girl everyone was sleeping with, he would have come with the marriage trump card, slept with me, come up with a stupid argument and dump me. 

I may not know anyone with a similar story, but I can imagine ladies who thought they were the only Magajias until they heard their men were married weeks earlier…Ladies who have had their ex coming to beg for a comeback, leading them on to abandon their new relationships which were about to take off, only to be slept with and left in the middle of nowhere, stranded, lost and having lost twice. 

They say women have become callous, I say we have become the kind of women the men of today deserve. I will not cheat on a guy to get even for the sins of another guy from my past, but another woman who may have physically lost under similar conditions as mine, would. 

Men will not understand why their women are cruel, cold and corrupt; one word of advice before I go to celebrate my redemption. Whenever you see a cruel lady, look into the mirror, if you do not see your face, look closer, you may see another guy; a friend, a brother, your dad or just another guy…that is the true reflection of that woman. She has become you.  

Written for three lady friends of mine all of whom suffered the same fate from three different guys. 

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2013