Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 26 September 2013

NEW PAIR OF EYES

Yesterday was a very dramatic day for me. From bed to bed I had to deal with one drama or the other all of which took away my peace, joy, flow and equilibrium. The final drama, [after a brief commercial break] was when I got home after a gaping four-hour drive through traffic. I left the office at 5:15pm and got home around 9:15pm.

When I got out of the car, I dropped something which was a part of the very thing that had cost me 4 hours on the road. I needed to find it or I could not be at work today. So I set out to look for it. The light on the premises was not bright enough so I turned on all the lights on the car to see if it could illuminate the premises well enough for me to search for what I dropped. 

The shocking thing was, I saw the 'thing' drop so I had a fair idea where it fell, except I could not find it there. I moved the vehicle off the paved yard, run my feet and hand through the grass but to no avail. I went in to change my clothes and came back to continue the search. Nothing. This went on for 45 minutes. I was exhausted, I had eaten just lunch and yet I was grossly low on appetite. 

I told myself, 'George you know what, calm down and go catch some sleep, tomorrow the light of the day will make the search easier. I had a plan B figured out though. 

So this morning, By 5:45am I was ready to set off for work, my Plan B was ready to implement. The light of the day had also come on. I stepped out of the house into the Yard and I was about starting my search, when my spirit told me, you have not prayed about this search. So I stood still and muttered these few word, 'God give me A NEW PAIR OF EYES to see this thing now. In less than five minutes, I had the thing in my hand. The same place I had looked for it for almost an hour the night before. 

While I was driving to work, I got some insights I want to share with you.

I have learnt that sometimes we need to pray for new pair of eyes when the things we are looking for elude us and the answers we seek seem not to be coming forth. You could be looking for that man who will mean something more than all the six guys you have been with have ever meant to you. It could be a lady who is a break away from the drama you have experienced with other women or witnessed others experience. It could be you looking for that right deal, that right contract, that prestigious job which has eluded you, that opportunity you know has to come to you, but someway somehow, while even standing right in front of it, it manages to bypass you. It could be anything you are looking for, some answers you are seeking, some results you are expecting....It could be anything... Sometimes, all you need is a prayer for a new pair of eyes, to make you find them exactly where they are.

I also learnt that, sometimes, we need to allow the night to pass for the day to come. When we struggle in the night, we grope like fools lost for direction. Sometimes we see some light which we think is bright enough to help us find our way, but most sources of light in the night cast shadows. Maybe we can just allow the night to pass so we can search better with the light of day. You have been wondering what is being kept away from you; she is pretending everything is fine, he makes you think he is being Mr. Good, but you know things don't add up. Sometimes we spend so much time setting spies, snooping, fighting and fussing just to find what we feel is amiss. Yes some things can't wait, but then some things can't also be found if the conditions surrounding their anonymity remains the same. Maybe it is time to take a step back and allow the gloom, the anger and the frustration to pass, let the hatred go down, let a new light of love and peace and calm shine in, and it will make your way clearer and bring to bear all the things that are trying to remain incognito. 

Again, I was also taught to rest. I was tired and I was frustrated; clearly the result of the search was partly influenced by my distorted perception of the reality around me. I was either searching too fast or my eyes were moving in a poorly coordinated way, I was bound to miss the thing. After sleeping and resting, I woke up rejuvenated and invigorated to do a better job. I understand some of you are thinking age is catching up and every Saturday you see your friends being led to the altar like Jesus entering Jerusalem; the joy and excitement that follow them, and you are wondering when it would be your turn. So you are fighting to hold on to the leech that is sucking you, you are aiding the killer to kill you just so you can be seen as TAKEN or a TAKER; the lady who is in a serious relationship or the lady who is married. You want to be seen as the guy who is grinding hard to make his woman proud. Why not take a break from all these? How many men do you want to strip in front of and have something precious taken from you in order to be accepted or to be TAKEN and taken serious? How many heart breaks do you want to suffer in the hands of women before the meet the ultimate one? Aren't you tired of the long day? Don't you think all these years of fighting to hold on, one heartbreak after the other, has gotten to you and distorted your perception of reality? Don't you think maybe a good rest and break might help you gain better perspective of things? Step back please, and get some rest. Tomorrow you will be refreshed enough to see clearly in your search. 

You need to have a plan B. I learnt that sometimes, some things will go and you will not find them again and therefore the need to accept to let go of them emotionally and move on with plan B. Have you done all there is to do to find and keep it? Is it not working out? Maybe you need a plan B. Sometimes you realise the cost of holding on to what you have lost or losing is far more extensive than the cost of acquiring a new thing. It could be time, money and/or emotional cost, and you know if you let go and found a temporary means of getting by, you could replace it at a lesser cost later. Out of this, I want to you to make your own personal applications as the applications thereof is expansive and boundless I cannot begin to plunge in. 

Finally, I learnt to have faith in what I believe will work out. I did not pray hoping it won't work out. So don't pray and yet doubt, do not confess with your mouth and act otherwise. When you ask for new pair of eyes, walk as if you have it. I had faith that the light of the day would help me find what I was looking for, that aided me to stop the search and get some rest. I had faith and it paid off. I had faith that if I rested I would be better tuned up to search for what I was looking for; I did, and I found it. I had faith that the plan B was going to work and I had no doubt in my mind I would find a replacement for whatever I had lost, should I not find it after the morning search. But that plan B was at the bottom of my list. And it was because I had to go to work. And it is because life must go on for you. Because you need to marry and cannot be held captive by what you hope would work out but is not working out. You need to be happy and you need to thrive.



Life comes with many lessons available to you and to me and I think if we so much as open our eyes a tiny little bit, we may be amazed at what God has brought our way through natural occurrences to teach us. 

Be happy and abide, abide and thrive, thrive and endure through all ages.

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013

Friday, 20 September 2013

FIVE THINGS TO DO TO DISPEL DOUBT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Most of the unrest and agitations in diverse spheres of our lives stem from the fact that we sometimes feel kept out of what is going on around us and therefore read our own meanings into the experiences we are undergoing. If the experience is a negative one or something we fear might have a negative impact on us, we get uncomfortable, seek to understand it and find out why things are the way they are. 

The more that understanding eludes us and the ‘why’ is not forth coming, the more aggressive or disturbed we become, starting and fueling a cycle of mistrust and suspicion in the end. 

This is no different when it comes to our relationships. Every now and then, we feel the need to know what is going on with our partners; we wish we could prove that our relationships were in good standing. So if they start deleting text messages right after reading them, or excusing themselves to receive calls, giving inconsistent answers to questions and inquiries, giving evasive answers or even declaring certain areas of their lives as no-go areas, we naturally feel uneasy and suspicious. It is natural to feel that way; in fact you could even be the one who is making your partner feel that way. 

By observation, I have personally concluded that there are certain things we do which spark suspicion, mistrust and possibly unsettle in our partners, and if these negative feelings already exist, things we can do to manage those feelings and deflate the tension. This article takes a look at Five of such breakers or makers.

Declassify your Friends. I advise that you do not keep any of your friends in a classified section of your life. If you have nothing to hide, then let all exclusive friends be acquainted with your partner, especially the ones that stir up uneasiness in your partner for whatever reason. Find appropriate time to let them meet. Keeping them classified only raises suspicion, declassifying them will, to a good extent, reduce the fear, anxiety and tension. If any friend refuses to meet your partner, watch out then; even though unknown to you, they may be harbouring some feelings for you or dislike for your partner. It is dangerous to your relationship.

Reduce the names! Sometimes it gets so annoying when everything has Kofi or Ama mentioned in it. It sometimes sounds like 70 per cent of all the names mentioned and 80 per cent of all your activities in the day revolve around them. ‘I did this with Ama’, ‘Ama said this’, ‘Ama said it was nice’, ‘Oh I got it for you ‘cus Ama said you might like it’. Seriously? Ama, a nice, cool lady who will suddenly become your woman’s enemy without her knowing it. The next thing is you being told not to talk to her again or being accused of having something to do with her. That is when you start thinking your woman is being unreasonably paranoid; no she is not, you are scaring her with your Ama-Mania. Why not call your woman when you need a woman’s opinion? Why not talk to her more often than Ama? 

Why not start seeing yourself as a man in a relationship and begin drawing soft boundaries between you and Ama. After all, you did not decide to date Efua for the records and live your life with Ama. If Ama is stuck on your tongue, then let her stay in your heart and life or you better put Efua in your heart and on your tongue. She is the woman, your woman. It may not be easy at first, especially when you have had this Ama friendship thingy going on for the longest time, but when you make that conscious effort you can reduce the involvement of Ama in your life and thereby reduce her slot and consequently how much she features in your conversations the collage of your life.


Be open. Let your partner know of all new friends you have made which you suspect will be staying for a long time and make a lot of impact in your life. Let them know from day one. We all tend to be uncomfortable with new friends [of our partners] who are all of a sudden all over them, than old friends who are all over them. Let your partner know you met this guy or lady today; they are exciting, they are smart and all that. If they are in for the long haul, then it is worth letting them meet your partner. Honestly, we are not even sure of ourselves and what we can do the next moment, so it is totally na├»ve to hold brief for any person you just. Married people still chase, dating people still chase, so do not think this person or that person will not do it – they can pretend to be innocent until they start hitting on you when you are at your most vulnerable. Once they meet your partner, most people tend to respect your relationship and drop or manage their expectation of you in the friendship they are starting with you.
Sometimes your partner might end up being so close to this friend that it even solidifies your friendship with them, than it would have been if you kept them in the dark. At other times your partner may naturally reject that friendship. But at least it is better to know these people are not welcomed at the early stage than to build a good friendship to a point where you can’t just kill it, only to be told to kill it. We all have that nagging fear that our partners may reject SOME of our new friends, so we sometimes keep them off the radar. I think it is not always true. What is true is that, we all wonder how come an individual became your partner’s friend overnight and now they are like their hero and you have no clue how that happened. 


Let me talk about gifts. Do not lie about gifts from friends of the opposite sex if you know your partner will not like it. We all have our prides, and it is easily hurt when your partner receives gifts you can’t give them or you haven't thought of giving them. Let them know who gave it to you.  If you can, discuss it with your partner first before your receive it even if it was meant to be a surprise. Let us be honest with ourselves for once, Which individual of the opposite sex, with no interest whatsoever in you [be it romantic, or business], knowing you are married or dating, and is not a friend to your partner will buy you a car or flat screen TV or a house or a round trip ticket worth $2,500.00 as a string-free gift? People may be generous and kind but unless they sleep on a goldmine, take such goodies with a pinch of salt. My advice is that, if we can, let us reject these gifts. If it is a gift for a reason, say, in appreciation of something good you did for them, that is different. DO NOT OPEN A CAN OF WORMS; WE CAN ALL START RECEIVING GIFTS. IF YOU THINK YOUR MALE FRIENDS ARE SUPER RICH AND GENEROUS, WAIT TILL HE OPENS THE FLOOD GATES FOR PRISCILLA, NATASHA AND BECKY AND SEE IF YOU CAN LAST IN THIS GIFT GAME. 

Maybe you think that a gift of an iPhone 5S is nothing and your woman should not make a big fuss out of it; wait till she gets a round ticket to Dubai plus bundles of fresh crispy Benjamins for shopping, or a complete makeover of her apartment by a male colleague. That is when you realise maybe you could have refused the iPhone when she said you should. What is good for the goose is good for the gander; only you cannot put the gifts side by side. A gift is a gift whether it is a $140,000.00 house or a $2.00 call credit. So be careful when you start indulging in the little ones, you do not know what your partner can start receiving.

Answer you calls when you are with your partner. If you are with your partner answer you calls especially from people you really want to cut off. Instead of not picking the call, pick it and go like, ‘Hey whatsup? (wait for an answer. They may ask how you are doing, tell you how they are thinking about you or how you have ‘dawged’ them.) Your response could be, ‘well, I am fine nothing, or really? Thinking about me? Nice of you or Oh how can I ‘dawg’ you? Then nicely add, ‘anyway can we talk like later? I am with my boyfriend or girlfriend right now. Please let’s talk later'. Never promise to call them back or ask them to call you back. It tells your partner you are not holding on to the other conversation for a time-alone moment and you are not going to encourage the caller to call you back. Again, you never tell someone on the phone you are in the middle of something or give them any other excuse when you are with your partner. They are not ‘something’. How would you feel when you do not know who the caller is, and you are referred to as ‘middle of something’ or ‘in a meeting’ or ‘home doing nothing’? 

Your partner feels validated that you mentioned their presence to someone. They may want to pry, and you can give them a highlight of that friendship. They may also choose to keep quiet and keep their thoughts to themselves. 

Do not keep friends you cannot talk about with your partner because of your own relationship with them; It is dangerous. Do not keep friends you cannot talk to in the presence of your partner. When you allow calls to go unanswered you raise suspicion, when you pick a call and you go like, ‘oh lemme call you back’ without listening to the caller or saying anything else, you raise suspicion. When you pick a call and you lie about where you are or what you are doing, regardless of who you are with, you raise suspicion and doubt. You and your partner may find that lie at that moment appropriate until they also call you and you tell them something too good to be true….and then your lies start playing in their heads. 

Save names of regular callers. We know some numbers off head and most of us pick calls from numbers that are not in our contacts. So it becomes suspicious when specific unregistered numbers call and we just don’t want to pick them up. If it is a client whose calls you do not want to pick at certain times, save their names and probably with their company or the specific relationship you have with them. eg Adjoa – Insurance Lady. In that case when she calls a million times, your partner won’t get worried why you are not picking it. 

There are many things we tell our partners and they keep quiet and pretend they are ok but they are not. Sometimes they keep quiet so they do not rock the boat or make you feel they do not trust you; but in their minds they have serious questions. I bet you know that feeling when you are being told something but you know the story is not straight but you just let it go. 

We can blow up or defuse tension in relationship by our actions. Sometimes we feel it is our right and that we should be free to do what we want without having to throw it all out to our partners…except these are the very things they do and we start doubting them and accusing them of being shady.

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013   

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

EMOTIONS, EMOTICONS AND CYBERLOVERS

Young lovers of the 21st Century will never know:

1. Calling your crush on a landline and the petrifying fear of not knowing if their parents would pick up (you now simply dial their cell numbers)


2. Writing a carefully worded letter with half of all the words in a dictionary, puffing a few of your mum's perfume in it or pressing a flower and adding it up. (Now there is forwarded Whatsapp messages and song lyrics)
3. Banging the phone on your lover after an argument (now it's a just a lame red button you press to cut a call)
4. Having to go for days without seeing or hearing from them (thanks to twitter, Facebook and Instagram, you know what is going on with them up to the second)
5. Having to actually take them out for a stroll (Seriously, lets Skype and watch pirated movies....or let's do KFC.)

Technology has taken up everything! My neighbor walks to my house, calls me on the phone and tells me, 'George I am standing behind your door.' Seriously? I didn't know Judge Atu.... had placed an embargo on knocking! My other friend tells me, she can be in her room and chat with her brother who is in his room via Whatsapp instead of coming out to sit and chat at the living room. She thinks it is weird; guess what I think too... Soo freakish true!

Couples, would rather get to work before they pick phones to discuss issues they could have discussed face-to-face. The only time they are at the apex of their humor is only when they hide behind the keypads of cellphones. What happened to US? What happened to meaningful human interactions? What happened to guts and courage. What happened to the days when a young man could look boldly into the eyes of a woman and tell her, 'I love you. I want to be with you.'

There are more I-love-yous flying on social media to last us a life time yet we are starved of their real manifestation. Young people can organize wild parties and sexual rendezvous  through chats, they meet and do it and sheepishly walk away. There is more pride and joy placed in what people say to us and about us on social media portals than when it is to our face.

Behind a computer or cellphone, people can create so much hype about love you feel absolutely hungry for it and a never ending thirst to be immersed in it. Yet you meet them in reality and they can't even look you in the face. The man who is all bold and naughty in the chat-house is suddenly stammering and shaking on legs wobbling like jelly. 

We have people who insist that their partners show open love to them on their social media portals either by displaying their pictures, adding the partner's name to their names or having pictures of the two of them. Yet these two know just as much about themselves in reality as that lady in the blue dress knows about what is under the hood of her car.

Love is real. Love is action. Love is daily kept burning. The human and personal touch to it gives it a lot of meaning. Much us mobile technology makes it more engaging and exciting, there is the real human touch, that creates real butterflies in our tummies... you cannot show this kind of real love in cyberpace for all the emoticons in the cyberworld!

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013




BUILT TO LAST

 
This marriage is forever. If anything and anyone shall break it, it shall be Satan; do not give him chance.

He will come in the form of fine and reasonable arguments, beautiful face and body of the other woman, suave and enticing facade of the other man, work demands, child bearing issues, sexual demands, broken communication, lack of compromised grounds, financial demands among others. Do not give him chance and a foothold.

This marriage is forever. Hold fast to the vows you made before men and God and to yourselves. Let it have meaning to you and walk daily with it.

PG Sebastian

BAIL! NOW!!!

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The smaller 'mess-ups' in relationships go on to become bigger 'mess-ups' in marriages. I have seen enough terrible marriages to encourage young people to stay in terrible relationships. "Agoro b3 so aa efiri anopa" is an apt adage.

People change; a good person can become a bad person in marriage and a bad person can become a good person in marriage. If you have to choose, which one would you go for as a rational human being? A bad person and hope for an angel later? I don't think so. I have not been in this world for centuries [and I need not be],but I can tell you that it's easier for people to go bad than turn good. So chances are that that rot of a relationship might get worse than better. In other words a bad person is likely to stay bad.

Again if a man or woman who is hoping to settle with you (having not been given the green light yet) can abuse you, lie to you, take you for granted and prey on you [when this is rather the time for them to impress you with their best] then I will need you to be careful.

Marriage is for life. Even when your partner has not offended you, there are times you feel you are tired of them. So you can imagine living with someone who is always in your skin and hair for all the wrong reasons.

Divorces are not caused by termites; majority of people who are divorced will tell you the signs were there even before marriage, they were only believing that marrying the person would change things. You do not gamble with the legal, social and spiritual aspects of marriage. It is a risk indeed, but just as an insurance company will not do business with you when they are certain you will make a claim, so you must be selective and a little bit risk averse when it comes to relationships and people you allow into your life.

People say, 'but when you start being choosy, you might not get anyone ooh, there is no perfect person'. If this argument was sound, why don't people who sing it into marriage sing it and stay married? There is no perfect person, there is no perfect person...... so they get married. A year down the road they are out with all kinds of stories and reasons. If they knew there was no perfect person for which reason they settled for an imperfect person, why did they not stay with the person's imperfections? Where are they going now? To find a perfect person or to get another imperfect person? "Well I know people are not perfect but I was not expecting that kind of imperfection" What kind of imperfection were you expecting? Now you are the arbiter of imperfections? Foolish and ill-thought out cliches destroying life in a vicious cycle of deception!

How many people have had 'PEOPLE' supporting them through a divorce in the truest sense of the word 'support' beyond, 'ooh I am sorry, it will be well'? Yet we follow what PEOPLE say or what we fear (perceive) they might say when we set our no-nonsense standards, and all these fears get us entangled in needless drama.


As for the group called PEOPLE, let me tell you something about them; they are always bored, drama seekers and peddlers of ill-explored opinions. If you harken to their opinions and 'fans', you will jump off a cliff only to hear, before you crash dead in the abyss below, a resounding 'ooooohhhhh....too bad!'

If it stinks, step out; it does not get better. It is a character putrefaction and soon it will frustrate everything in its path. Marriage is for life, if you see signs that it may be otherwise, bail!

Receive grace and strength to throw in the towel. Not all burdens are meant for your back.

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013. 

Friday, 6 September 2013

GIRL TALK


Recently I put up an article called ‘Guy Talk’ and I was told to put up one for ladies.. Well I really don’t know what to say [with a shy face] but I think there are a few things I have noticed with my girls that I think I can touch on.  

A natural lady is always preferred; it says you are in rhythm with nature and have nothing to hide. However, I appreciate that not everyone gets excited with what they see when they look into the mirror, and sometimes feel a tweak here and an alteration there will fix things up. In insurance, when you alter the original content of a Contract, we call it Endorsement. You may want to endorse your appearance to turn a few heads when you pass; great! But please be moderate! It is just a nail extension not talons, Please note. The make ups and the weave on must be moderate. This is reality; do not confuse it with Showbiz and the runways of Rome. 

Not every lady can afford a Brazilian Hair or an artistic make up; that does not mean allow yourself to waste away. Tidy up your hair. When you are busy in the kitchen, do not let it hang loose all over, pull it back and hold it together in a neat ponytail. Keep a regular hair maintenance regime. You may not have the cash or time to be visiting a hair dresser every now and then, which is why Do-It-Yourself is important. My mum had her own hair dryer and rollers and she washed her hair and styled it sometimes at home. That was in the 80s and I still remember it was a Moulinex Hair Dryer. You can try something like that. Please keep your hair neat! Maybe you might also want to keep it Natural and Afro! Cool!

In getting your make-ups, look at your skin tone and get a matching color. How come everyone sees the discontinuity in the color of your face and the rest of your body but you don’t? Is it that you don’t care and you don’t know you look ridiculous? 

Talking about body colors; every skin is beautiful to someone. But again some of you ladies want to pass endorsements on your skin too. You might want to tone the skin a wee bit to even it up, it’s always better than bleaching if you feel your skin does not feel right on you.  A lightly toned skin does not leave nasty dark patches on the knuckles, the ankles and the elbows. Yea I see you looking…. Nasty eh! I need not tell you though that over 'Chemicalizing' the skin in the long term can lead to skin cancer.

Know your skin type and what works for it: if you have overly dry skin, find a remedy for it, if you have the oily skin type, deal with it. If you sweat a lot under the arm, please use Anti-perspirant deo-stick. The Oil content in your skin can influence the choice of body lotion and perfume; find a beautician or a skin specialist to help you. [Click here to read more on skin types]. 

Some of you have chapped lips; it can be remedied, an ordinary lip balm can help. Do not lick it because as the saliva evaporates, it dehydrates the lips further [Click here to see how to care for chapped lips] 

A lady must keep her eyebrows well trimmed. I did not say crop it all off and live a thin line there. Keep it neat and attractive. I know some of you do not like to touch the eyebrow. It is ok if you want it to have its natural line. I hope though that it is not bushy and masculine.
    
The way you dress as a lady, says a lot about you. We know you want everyone to see the solid well chiseled out legs. But please do not extend it to levels way up the thighs…sometimes up to the very doors of the buttocks! Ah what is that? The Eeeewww-ish part is those who do not care they have stretch marks all over! I mean, it is your body and you can display is as you want, but it’s people’s eyes, do not sore them! Don’t tell me they should not look! They were not looking; you just show up in front of them!!!! [hahahaha] But seriously, cover it up! The cleavage, all these bulging frontage! Your low waist Jeans should come with a blouse long enough to cover your back when you bend over. Some dresses are too revealing. Find undies that do not draw lines when you wear your tight skirts! There is a reason for the expression ‘Private Parts’! Keep it Private! Be decent in your apparel.

Dress to impress your man, not the world. Some of you don’t care how you look when your man comes to visit you, but you spend hours looking for what to wear cus some other dude is coming around. If you can’t give him your best, do not expect it from him. 

There is always a nice way to say what you want to say. Learn it. Know how to get your point across without the drama. You are too frank, too blunt, too straight forward; it is not always the best. As-for-me-I-say-it-as-it-is. Delilah shows us a very deep lesson on getting a man to do your bidding without lifting a finger; entreaties and soft “emotional touches”. Do not repeat your mum’s 1960s mistakes. If you don’t like something he did, you can choose to yell at him, grow cold at him for ages [in both cases he gets upset] or you can swallow your pain, wait for the right moment when the mood is right, and as we say, like joke like joke, tell him how you feel about something he did… he cannot switch off instantly… He will simple listen and like joke like joke make the change; you are not his mum, don’t NAG! Yes he may not keep to his time and his word, but that should not be the first thing to say when he shows up! But even if that is what you want to say so badly, be innovative with it and take charge of your emotions, “Eiii so this my man koraa what should I do with you!? Don’t you feel sorry for your poor wife having to wait for you for an hour before you show up? If we miss this show eeh, hmmm I will wear your boxers with you” It's like a joke, but you would have protested, but I don’t see how a guy will just get upset for saying that. He will be more willing to explain why he is late and apologize than when just growing cold or get angry at him.

Learn to answer your calls by saying, ‘I am with my boyfriend, I will call you back’ rather than ‘I am in the middle of something, let me call you back’. Is your man the ‘Something’?

An intelligent lady is a great companion; she is easy to reason with and she has better reasons for doing the things she does. An intelligent lady easily rises above petty emotions to take up issues with a measure of objectivity.  Open up your heart and mind and learn if you want to go far. What cheap men fear is a well educated and scholastic woman! 

Do not sleep with a man as a preamble to starting a new relationship. Your value automatically drops. The value goes off completely when you are with another man. Do not use sex as a tool for trapping a man. That is how cheap things are sold,” Here, try it, if you like it pay for it” Cheap stuff. An expensive thing sells itself by the brand and the trust it has built. Pay for it and take it away, our promise is that you will not regret the purchase. That is how quality things are sold. Learn. 

Learn to keep your relationships private. Your girlfriend is not your boyfriend’s best friend. Keep an eye on him and your friends. It is easier for him to do damage to you with them than with a total stranger.

A bubbly lady is great to have around and one with a good sense of humor, how priceless. You may not be the sanguine type, but please learn to laugh at a good joke or soon you will see someone laughing at his jokes! 

About the cash; oh yea which lady does not like a guy who spends on her. But which guy will throw out a lady who shows him how to save and invest his money? All men are babies at heart; a good woman simply learns how to train her baby without making him feel like a baby! Teach him how to live and he will be yours for keeps even when he feels like walking away. 

A well grounded woman is a keeper. It could be in the area of spirituality, emotions, finance or intellect; a dumb and simple woman is trouble on two legs! 

I can go on forever, but I think we can work with these in the meantime and we are likely to see some good changes in the sisterhood! 

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013
  

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

YOU AND THIS YOUR EX! HMMM SMH


 Keep your ex at a good distance. There is a reason why they are not in your present life. Concentrate on the future you are building in the present and do not be entangled in the dramas of yesterday.

If you are still hooked on to your ex, then you are not fit to be in the relationship or marriage you find yourself in now and you are a traitor to your current partner. It does not matter what led to the break up; a break up is a break up and it is cute to know there is absolutely nothing your butterflied tummy can do about it. Deal with it and let the man or woman go. Cut the umbilical cord; cut them loose or both of you will plunge into the abyss below. You are going nowhere with this sentimental nonsense...Seriously.

A responsible person takes a decision and lives with the consequences. It is only a fool who does not change their mind...true...but this is one heck of an exception you need to make to that rule....remember to every rule there is an exception... aaahhh there... I know you are smart.

What do you mean by you and your ex are good friends? Really? Like good friends do not get upset and walk away over trivia, they do not get cranky and leave you 'cus of distance, they do not abuse and lie to you, they do not have other best friends behind you....best friends who most often seem important than you. They do not come to you with hit-and-run-come-and-hit-more-and-run-faster attitude! Name the drama category and I can tell you good friends don't give it! I do not mean you and your ex should be in a hostile cat-and-mouse, I just don't like one of you treating the other like a sweet cute pussycat! If that is what you wanted you should have overlooked your differences and stuck together. There is is nothing impossible, only a bunch of people scared to pay the ultimate price! What right do you have, after they have moved on, poking your spiky self into the life they are starting with someone else? You know what, we are tired of your face! Abracadabra, touch a leaf and poof into thin air!

I don't mind if you want to keep your ex as a trophy, only do not complain when your partner also keeps theirs as a trophy too. Maybe you and your ex are really cool and there is no cause for alarm; I hope you can say the same about her ex boyfriend who owns three hotels and drives a Range Rover and is making it explicitly clear to you if he gets the chance he will hit it again! I hope you won't mind him always being on the phone with his 'Megan Good' Ex....if not then stay off and let them also stay off. What is good for the geese is clearly good for the gander! 

Keep calm and show your ex the red card; they must miss the rest of the tournament. That is the rule applicable to those who do not play by the rules.

Yes, I know it is easier said than done and the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak... God can empower you to do this if you really are bent on doing it. Pray for strength and grace to look left when they show up at the right side...not to press the green button to pick their calls or call them.... to restrain your fingers from delving into any tempting chats... to look them in the eyes and decline the date, offers and companionship.

An ex is one major anchor that keeps many lives from moving on! Watch it! 

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013

LOYALTY!

Loyalty and disloyalty. Every decision or choice you are making now proves your loyalty or disloyalty to someone: your man or your woman, your job, your kids, your family, your God. Someone somewhere is in the balance as you make your life choices. So let your choices and decisions prove your loyalty to those you have pledged your allegiance to. Nothing is on its own and and limited to you. Every action or inaction will directly or indirectly, presently or in the future affect someone, whether they will find out or not.

When loyalty is called into play, it will not be what we find out that matters...it will be what you did.

From this moment, let us learn to tell the other lady, the guy in the background, we are sorry; the flirting must stop, the suggestive jokes and the demeaning comments about our partners cannot continue. You have made your choice and you will be loyal to it. Break up all disloyal relationships.

Be loyal to your employers by utilizing your official working time. And to your family be loyal by coming home early enough instead wasting time at work bantering and gossiping after work and telling your spouse you have some over time to kill when you could have done all that before 5pm.

Be loyal to your God when you have to make choices that bring His word in collision course with what you really want to do.

Be loyal to yourself and love yourself far above and beyond the abuse, deception and toxicity of the relationship you are in. You are too young and fresh to be withered prematurely. Stay away from the heat; there is a shade right behind you.

Be loyal. In the face of temptation choose loyalty. It is not easy; Peter proved and David too, but it can be done as Joseph and  Jesus proved it. You can be loyal too.

Choose loyalty.
 PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2013