Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Saturday, 24 August 2013

HEALTH CHECK 1,2...1,2....

Today, just like most saturdays, a lot of people will seal their love in Matrimony. I wonder if any of these couples-to-be have done any intensive health checks and have fully disclosed their health status to their partners. I am not referring to HIV status; If he or she has it, the other partner may have it by now considering the sad fact that sexual abstinence has now been consigned to the Museum. 

I am referring to a more general Health status: 
  • Does the man know, beyond his gargantuan erections, whether he is potent or not?
  • Can the woman conceive and hold a baby?
  • Is there a history of previous abortions that needs to come out? In Africa where abortion is not a particularly pleasant topic, hence people hide to do it, you may want to check whether the quark doctor left something in there after all the scraping with his horrendously crude instruments.
  • All you see is a man who is always at his best whenever you steal time for your illeg-intimates encounters; is he on Viagra or some other sexually enhancing drugs? Because as a married couple you cannot depend on these to crank the engine.... you can't jump start your car every morning. Young man, are you on something? Disclose!
  • Have you checked your sickling?
  • Is any of you undergoing any therapy and what are the health implications of the therapy especially on your reproductive health
  • Does any of you have any history of a fatal injury that may have some debilitating effect on you in the near future? 
  • Has any of you had to deal with any STD/UTI and how did it go? How long was the battle, did it lead to some deeper complications, did the doctors talk of any future repercussions etc
  • Have you been on any birth control programme? When? How Long? What was the nature?

  • is any of you on any health time bomb.... Because for some of the conditions or ailments make every day in your life and that of your partner a miracle.
  • Does your partner's general state of health, make them prone to certain crises under certain environmental conditions - eg are they asthmatic, are they susceptible to various allergic reactions, do they have sickle cell anaemia etc. This means they cannot do certain chores, as they may trigger these crises
  • Can being pregnant endanger the woman's health?

All these and many more are questions you need to ask. For some people, love covers everything; it is true, but to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Marriage is not for the faint hearted and you are better off knowing exactly what you are getting into before you go in to discover them.

 Unbelievably, [And I do not mind if you disagree with this reality] some people love certain aspect of marriage rather than the complete marriage itself, and they [go on to] see that singular thing as the major thing that defines the entire marriage. For some people, that singular thing that gives meaning to the whole institution of marriage is the bliss of having a BIOLOGICAL baby. If it is the woman who has such a view, and she is not getting it because her husband only fires rubber bullets, then she does not mind going behind him [DNA tests notwithstanding, putting the man in a terrible dilemma: do I divorce her for the world to know I am impotent or stay and be insulted by the presence of an illegitimate child]. Some men do not hesitate getting a child from somewhere and keeping it hidden until he is 10 years and suddenly shows up like a concealed shameful habit. Much as there are many modern ways of solving childbearing related issues, the question is how many people worldwide can access them, in terms of availability and affordability. Therefore, the problem of infidelity/Divorce/spousal abuse arising out of childbearing related problems is very real in most part of the world.

For some people, what defines their marriage is the joy is sexual gratification. To have a man who cannot sustain a journey to Tarkwa and land a sister safely there, is not a plan she wants to work with. B3ma gyina wo nanso di asa ma y3 mma wo mopia na di3n ni?  Much as men really care more about getting to that point and erupting like an active volcano, they still prefer women who are active participants in the heating process than women who is just lay flat like a thick frozen coal tar. Yaa ki ka wo ho kakra na wo koraa wo y3 nipa b3n...b)teee saa 3di3n nkoaa? 

Some people just want to know so they stay on their guard. They attempt to seek early solutions prior to and after the marriage and excuses in case family and friends get nosy. It makes them take the shock of such revelations better. Do not forget people reason clearer when they do not fear they do not have options. When there is the fear of being trapped in a dead-end marriage, some people can go berserk before they calm down, by which time they would have done the unthinkable. Panic. 

Some People also want to know so they do not go into their marital homes with illusions and wishful expectations. Once that knowledge is available to them, they put in the needed financial, emotional, psychological and social efforts to be able to cope and manage such a partner. 

For some people, it is a simple, 'Lemme know so I see if I can stay or leave cus there is no way I want to spend my life with a man or a woman with this condition.' It may be a painful thing to hear from the lips of someone who professes to love you; but at least it would save you the inevitable heartache that will follow if you continue to marry them.

I accept that it is easier said, and I know of people's fear of the all-too-certain consequence of divulging such personal health information; the fear of losing the person they have grown to like. The codicil of such a loss might be the person going away with such sensitive information and potentially sharing it with someone. 

I appreciate the consternation of anyone who might find him or herself in such a situation; nonetheless you must let someone love you in utmost good faith. Let the person love you for who you truly are. Some people divorce their partners or switch off not because their partners have certain health conditions or might have put themselves in some health situations; they do that because they kept such information away from them, knowing such information might have changed a lot. Well it is still your loss and the person might still walk away with that same information. So the ultimate question is, ‘which one do you like; To be heartbroken and have him/her walk away with that personal info, or to be divorced or cheated on...and the person still walking away with that info? Remember the fact that they walked away does not mean they are going to tell people. I think most people are reasonable.

Let us love and let us do it wholeheartedly. Let us date mature people we can trust with our lives. What are you doing planning to marry a person you cannot trust with your life and the stories therein?

This article is just to set the ball rolling; the rest is for you to do. For starters, consult a qualified Medical Practitioner [someone actively engaged in reproductive health and family planning would be a plus] and ask them all the questions you can think of and let them tell you all there is to know...just so you know. 

 PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2013

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