Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 11 July 2013


In an ultimate sense, there is a price tag stuck on every family you marry from. There is a price to pay when you marry from a poor home, a rich home, a prominent family, broken home, family of academics and religious people, a family from a culture/race/ethnicity different from yours. 

It is important you know what the price is or likely to be so you enter with that in mind. For some, it is the price of money you must be willing to pay just to crank the engine, before we even talk of going about (the V8 families ;) my word). For some it is the price of being intellectually up there, being firebrand hot spiritually, being able to cope with different customs including food, traditions, values, language, skin colour stereotypes and general way of life. For some the price is being able to blend into certain class and being able to flow with certain conversation, way of thinking and manners. For some it is the price of fear because everything from that family was earned through the hard way; that no little expenditure is little, and everything that seems average is seen as too much waste. 

The knowledge of this is not to scare you off; it is to help you decide if you have what it takes to pay that price and if you are willing and able to pay that price. Sometimes it helps you simply walk away. 

Black Africans men sometimes marry whites Ladies, but due to cultural differences and individual perception of their worlds around them, marry other African woman in secrecy. People from 'ok' backgrounds [usually men] marry rich people [especially ladies from rich homes] and they complain of the crazy demands, expectations and lifestyles. People from families where both parents are living together marry from broken homes and live in terror of women who do not trust them and men who rain abuse on them. 

I do not know what you want to do with this eye opener, but sit back and look at the family you are going into; look at the price you will pay for becoming a part of the family. Try and see this outside of the spectacles of love and all the emotional stuff and look at the reality of it; are you willing to and can you pay the price? Regardless of how you feel and the faith you carry, remember no one ever went into a marriage with the view to breaking it after a few years; it only broke up, most often, after the things they feared from the onset sprang up to life. 

People are not just as they are; we are a collage of all the experiences we have had and they all influence us. Do not forget it. Some backgrounds and upbringings do not just go away with marriage, advise, fights, prayers etc, so look before you jump.

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2013