Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Monday, 8 July 2013


This is an unedited chat. Everything in it is as it is with all its errors and typos. It is a conversation between a Pastor and an unknown entity and how the pastor died. 

[10:15]Unknown: Hi
[10:15]Rev. Hello
[10:15]Unknown: So quick to answer. Expecting someone?
[10:17]Rev: Who is this?
[10:17]Unknown: Question not answered J
[10:21]Rev: May I please know who I am chatting with?
[10:21]Unknown: Ok let me say you are waiting for her eh? You know who I am referring to don’tcha?
[10:22]Rev: No I don’t
[10:22]Unknown: Oh come on, don’t bullshit me Reverend! Cut the games….
[10:22]Rev: [typing…]
10:22]Unknown: I was looking at you while you passed by her desk…ooppss it was empty. Gosh you shouldda seen you face, Black people don’t turn red…they turn grey…you turned grey
[10:23]Rev: Is this some kind of joke? Who the devil is this? And how did you get my number?
[10:23]Unknown: Ok lemme answer all the three questions shall I? Good.
[10:23]Unknown: Nope I wish it were but it is not a joke. You are having a serious conversation with me
[10:24]Rev: then let’s get serioys
[10:24]Rev: [typing…]
[10:24]Unknown: I am not used to being interrupted Reverend. You want answers or not?
[10:24]Unknown: Good I knew you wanted it.
[10:24]Unknown: Now to your second question
[10:25]Unknown: Who the devil is this? Please you flatter me; I personally do not see myself as being there
[10:25]Unknown: Well I will get there someday ;)
[10:25]Unknown but for now suffice it is to say I am just a mare Demon…no rank, no qualification, bla bla
[10:27]Rev: The Lord Rebuke you!
[10:27]Unknown: We will get to that pretty shortly
[10:27]Unknown: Oh dear, there you go… between the two of us you are to be rebuked
[10:27]Rev: You are mad
[10:28]Unknown: Yes so it would seem.
[10:28]Unknown: And a mad demon is a very very nasty spectre to have I can tell you that for sure
[10:32]Rev: I said the lord rebuke you! What do you want froom mr?
[10:32]Unknown: Will shut your vulgar mouth up!!!!
[10:32]Unknown: Pheww sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect you; looking at how you greatly esteem yourself… the lord’s battle axe, ready to cut the Fallen One down in halves!
[10:32]Unknown: Bravo!
[10:32]Unknown: And the answer to your last question. How did I get your phone number.
[10:32]Unknown: Easy, this is the Czech Republic, to be more specific, this is part of the former Bohemian Empire, everything is possible
[10:35]Rev: this is some internet fraud or 419, I am sorry you are not getting a dime from me
[10:37]Rev: That I can I assure you
[10:37]Unknown: heheehehe
[10:37]Unknown: Don’t be silly Reverend
[10:37]Unknown: Do you think so little of me? 419? Really?
[10:37]Unknown: But I like your confidence
[10:40]Rev: Yes that is what people like you are noted for, fraud
[10:40]Unknown: you make chatting with you very boring you know that?
[10:40]Unknown, you always introduce a new dimension to the issue when the old one is on the table, not very wise.
[10:40]Unknown: And you have no idea what I am, so please, let us be courteous and economical with our choice of words
[10:40]Unknown: So like I was saying this is Bohemia, and old city with a lot of history, some pleasant, some…well not soo soooo pleasant… the vampire, werewolf, Dracula and all that…
[10:41]]Unknown: But let us say they are all Hollywood stories and let’s kill that.
[10:41]Unknown: But we cannot sweep such a mighty perception under the carpet can we? Nope…
[10:41]Unknown: If I have you number then it means I have it. Somehow some way some form… I have it
[10:42]Unknown: And I had it the same way I had your wife’s picture, a recording of you screwing the receptionist for which reason you looked at her desk and you got upset that she was not there
[10:42]Unknown: Reverend are you there? Rev? Rev?
[10:42]Unknown: Oh come on. This is two men talking. I appreciate the embarrassment  and all, I would have felt the same way if I was the one caught pants down. Unfortunately it was you…ding ding ding…
[10:45]Rev: You are mad!
[10:45]Unknown: I am tempted to think that you have this morbid fixation on this expression, ‘You are mad’
[10:50]Rev: Isn’t it what you are? You show up on my phone and start raving and ranting gibberish and you expect me to think of antting betrer of yoi?
[10:50]Unknown: I will pretend I did not see all that you typed, even though I cannot help but comment on the wanton errors a sign of your fear and panic, which is very normal.
[10:50]Unknown: Are you serious? You are sweating? Please Samsung Galaxy Grand warranty does not cover water water damage if you care to know…. And sweat can cause water damage.
[10:50]Unknown: Please turn to the left side of the Television your discoloured face towel is there
[10:50]Unknown: Omg! I didn’t mean to spook you. Please please! I am not in the room. That I can assure you…I am not
[10:50]Unknown: at least I have not gotten there yet…
[10:51]Unknown: We were talking about the ‘Mad’ expression; and if my little psychology will do any good to me, I will say you have still not gotten over your relative who got mad 11 years ago, three years after you married.
[10:51]Rev: Jesus!!!!
[10:52]Unknown… Thou shall not take the name of the lord in vain… remember?
[10:52]Unknown: Please I do not intend to spook you. I am only trying to say it is normal to be a man
[10:52]Unknown: And I must congratulate you for your fortitude. 7 years after the incarceration of your wife for criminal insanity you stayed without sex! Man! Who could do? Wooow!
[10:52]Unknown: Rev, don’t be a boring we are having a convo hear not me typing off. Please let’s talk
[10:52]Unknown: But I must say, your choice of women is lately becoming unbecoming as they say; leaves much to be desired.
[10:52]Unknown: First you screwed your associate pastor’s wife and her sister…which to me was ok
[10:53]Unknown:Damnit concentrate on the phone and stop looking left and right in your room. I am talking to you and I need your stupid eyes on the bloody phone. Do we have the ground rule set? Cus I don’t want to repeat my bloody self again
[10:55]Unknown: Rev, you make me disrespect you. See what you have done reverend, see what you have done?!!!
[10:55]Unknown: Ok so we were talking about your taste in women. I must admit that Minister’s wife was a good slam dung! Damnit! He has been doing university girls thinking his wife is for him alone… little does he know…right?
[10:58]Rev: What do you want?
[10:58]Unknown: Huh? Me? Want? Nothing. Just a bored all demon looking to have a chat about God, morality, Prayer and the soul…. And you just walked to me. A standing ovation for you
[10:59]Unknown: But before we get there, I like the foreplay; and that is exactly what we are having.
[10:59]Unknown: and your current choice of women is the agendum. They don’t use that English anymore do they? Bloody 21st Century!
[11:00]Unknown: So as time went on, you started wading in the bog, like the pigs, doing anything in Skirt! I wonder why?
[11:00]Unknown: I mean you were doing well with your one off high class…ah…what is the word… well for lack of a better word…high class pinkies…
[11:01]Unknown: Then you started doing sluts and whores and anything that could engineer an orgasm in you!
[11:01]Unknown: Bloody filthy damned soul!!!! And you have the stupid guts to tell the lord to rebuke me? You are twisted!!!!
[11:02]Unknown: But, well [what] am I to judge, I have learnt long time ago to let people please themselves; I do not judge.
[[11:03]Unknown: I love homosexuals, I love… I love armed robber and other violent criminals, I love, adulterers, I love paedophiles, I love ‘em all. The lord said he came for the sick not the healthy; why must I be any different? I am showing love to the sick!!!!!
[11:04] Unknown: Armed Robbers* Typos J
[11:07]Rev: Burn in hell!!! The blood of the Almighty come upon you!
[11:07]Unknown! Oh please cut the sentimental bullshit! Since when did the almighty have blood? You are getting it wrong….
[11:07]Unknown: And from where I stand, you must rather burn in hell. The girl at the counter; the one you slept with….
[11:10]Rev: I did not do anything!
[11:10]Unknown: Thou shall not lie. Is it part of the 10? Not sure? Me neither… hehheehhe
[11:11]Unknown: So I don’t judge you
[11:11]Unknown: Kindly turn to the TV Behind you please, it will turn on immediately you face it. You will see graphic images of you and all the women you have ever slept with. From the latest: the whore at the reception, which is not a whore at all but me. My spirit you know… kindda…
[11:12]Unknown: which, topic, we would come to pretty shortly
[11:13]Unknown: to be followed by the daily sex you have with your secretary, the last of which was a day before you flew in here, right down to the one you had with the wife of the Minister for Interior of your country.
[11:12]Unknown: Then we shall preview all the masturbations you have had for the years your wife went bonkers and was Zapped away for good.
[11:12]Unknown: Everything.
[11:12]Unknown: The phone sex with your choir members all of that.
[11:13]Unknown: All of that. Yep.
[11:13]Unknown: But
[11:13]Unknown: We can spare you all that if you choose not to see the TV. The trick is that once the TV turns on, it will automatically upload everything to…what do you call it?
[11:14]Unknown:  Youtube?
[11:14]Unknown: Yea.
[11:14]Unknown: And who the hell named it that?
[11:14]Unknown: Stupid Americans.
[11:14]Unknown:  And my favourite part is for the next 24 hours, every search Engine would be jammed with these videos. Even if the person types a ‘Comma’, your videos will pop up and automatically start showing.
[11:15]Unknown: I must say the Mossad has not got that technology yet. Every single word you have spoken in your life has been put online in text format, and comma is one of them, because when you speak, you pause, and that is effectively translated into the symbol ‘comma’, which makes it searchable by just writing it down.  
[11:16]Unknown: Crazy Technology I tell you.
[11:16]Unknown: Demons are also hitech innit? We need to keep up with time….and in this case…we seem to have out-walked your time.  
[11:16]Unknown: So reverend, it’s your call. But if you choose to turn and see the TV, I will avenge CAINE in you; you will be the most haunted man to live but no one will kill you!!!!!
[11:20]Unknown: I knew you would let it pass because you know I am correct.
[11:22]Unknown: wait, where are you going Rev?
[11:23]Rev: I am going out for fresh air!
[11:23]Unknown: No rev. I am sorry but you cannot go. The door is locked, you are strapped to your chair
[11:24]Unknown: Really? Rev. it is just a strap. Stop screaming.
[11:24]Unknown: hehehehe aawww reverend you are soo cute screaming
[11:24]Unknown: Omg! You peed on yourself? bloody awesome! Omgish! So you fear something?
[11:25]Unknown: Ok let get on with it.
[11:25]Unknown: In five seconds time someone will knock at your door. Please do not respond, do not open the door and not scream.
[11:26]Unknown: What the Hell? What did I tell you? Oh noooo! You wanted to expose me? Well you heard the knock, you opened and voila! No one was there
[11:30]Unknown: Now whatever it was is in. Please get a candle, because your light will go off. We have come to a very important part of the meeting. Where I sit next to you at the space next to you. Oh please stop being a bitch and get a candle. Kindda romantic…what do you think?
[11:32]Rev: Please.
[11:32]Unknown: What? Why please? you opened the door for me when I told you not to. Do you know how long I have wanted to enter this room?
[11:32]Rev: No
[11:32]Unknown: Yea. I thought as much, you have no clue. But I hate clueless life
[11:32]Unknown, so I will give you a clue: 157 years exactly today. Oh yea
[11:33]Rev: WhAT?
[11:33]Unknown: Yea, long family history. Why did you choose this place?
[11:33]Unknown: Hold on, lemme guess, historical? Yes and history you will get.
[11:34]Unknown: Kindly bend to your right
[11:34]Unknown: and please take care because the strap is sharp at that end, you can cut your arm
[11:35]Unknown: OoWW! What the b….
[11:35]Unknown: I told you to be bloody careful, now the lights are blinking, Please, light the candle in front of you; Sorry I forgot you were tied up. In the exigency of the situation I decided to get one for you… the match is behind the stand. There.
[11:36]Unknown: Please stop sobbing!!!!! Be a man for once! You cry when you are in between a woman’s thighs and you cry when you are tied? Seriously? Please!
[11:36]Unknown: Ok look behind the drawer there is a blackberry phone with the light illuminating….
[11:37]Unknown: HAHHAHAHAHAHA oh my!!! You shouldda seen your face, you looked like you just saw a ghost!!! OMG. It is me chatting with you from the black berry. No big deal!
[11:37]Unknown: IKR? ghosts, demons and bodiless chats
[11:37]Unknown: heheheh spooky…
[11:37]Unknown: Now the lights will go off
[11:37]Unknown: 3
[11:38]Unknown: There!!!! Cozy isn’t? Good. I am rubbing my hands together cus it is sooo warm….
[11:39]Unknown: Chinese I know, Arabic I know, Ewe I know – Bloody guys speak it in Africa – What you are speaking is no language…. Saaawwwrrryyyy…
[11:40] Unknown: Will you stop praying in tongues? Please Yours is fake… that I can tell you.
[11:40]Unknown: Surprise surprise…
[11:41]Unknown: Let me tell you a little family story…
[11:42]Rev: Please don’t hurt me, I am sorry for my sins
[11:42]Unknown: Please I am not God, I don’t hurt people for their sins, I told you. I am a big fan of sinners
[11:43]Unknown: And stop whining, you horny dog!
[11:43]Unknown: Please the room temperature is making the AC feel like switched off. I know the temperature where I am coming from is pretty hot… my bad. But I guess we can manage.
[11:44]Unknown: that is if you can
[11:44]Unknown: SOOOO yea…we were going to talk about my family story.
[11:44]Unknown: Gosh I love family stories! Pretty pretty aristocratic!
[11:45]Unknown: you will love it too, I assure you.
[11:45]Unknown: So I come from the a very rich and powerful family that dates back to [11:46]Constantinople. Long long  long years back. This town was owned in part by my ancestors; we were the Lords. Many a times did the serfs revolt, but we crushed them, generations down to my time.
[11:47]Unknown: I always loved them, I had a heart for them and I wanted to help them.
[11:47]Unknown: Oh yea I did: shorter working hours, improved conditions, ability to own lands and marry and be free after a specified years of servitude. Bla bla bla
[11:47]Unknown: Long story short, a slave will always be a slave
[11:47]Unknown: They hated me, hated me so bad.
[11:47]Unknown but I did not know this. Will you please stop looking on the blackberry and concentrate on your Samsung? Everything I am typing on my phone is appearing on yours. Helloooo!
[11:48]Unknown: So one day the murderous villagers led by one Clemenscu sneaked into this fortress, which because of my activities had been abandoned by my family since the end of the 1st World war, until some rich city guy came to buy it and turn it into a hotel, and murdered me in cold blood.
[11:49]Unknown: I was lying exactly where you have been lying since you came in here…. I always stand at the windows looking at you and wondering how I could come to you…come in maybe…. Just for a second….just to lie down in my bed and have a moment rest from all the wandering and suffering
[11:50]Unknown: Rev, do you know why they gave you this room?
[11:50]Unknown: I mean you don’t have to type, I am here, just speak….
[11:50]Unknown: I cannot afford to speak; indeed you are unworthy of hearing my voice….
[11:50]Unknown: I always try to speak, but it is the scream of my dying agony that comes out
[11:50]Unknown: And you die after hearing it.  Sorry
[11:50]Unknown: They gave you this room for the only reason that you are the only person who can sleep here, like all reverend ministers before you who travelled this route. That is why it is called the Minister’s Crib. For the period that you are here, there is a protection over the whole place.
[11:51]Unknown: When the room is vacant, they sprinkle frankincense and keep holy water at all the potential entrance points . Bloody bastard, tryna keep me away from my own room. Can you imagine?
[11:51]Unknown: Then you came by
[11:51]Unknown: All nice and holy
[11:51]Unknown: I was waiting, like I have been waiting all my dead life in case you can cut me a shard of time and space to sneak in. 
[11:51]Unknown: Don’t cry Rev, we are about ending.
[11:52]Unknown: the end is the juiciest part. You will see very soon
[11:52]Unknown: I watched you pray the first night. That I must say really infuriated me. The storm that night was my fury over Prague and my blood which is upon her hands. And I wondered why He still loved you despite your sins… lemme give you a clue why…you always acknowledge you are a sinner and even while you were in between a woman’s thigh, your guilt kept you praying… your spirit was willing but your flesh was weak. Which is why very soon, I will burn your flesh in Hell. You remember what He said about going to heaven deformed than going to Hell in whole? We will experiment it tonight…. If time permits
[11:53]Unknown: But it was not your prayer that saved you.
[11:53]Unknown: you read a Particular scripture, which common sense is trying to prevent me from revealing
[11:53]Unknown: That, even Satan is scared of.
[11:53]Unknown: So I did a background check and voila! I found what I needed
[11:53]Unknown: For lack of a better word, pardon my Spanish, PINKY!!!
[11:54]Unknown: So I kindda got the receptionist to run off with some stupid American rock freak for a weak while I made my hard butts available to you. I knew you couldn’t tell the difference. Good disguise huh?
[11:55]Unknown: And well, you took it as much as you could…and each night I made sure you got tired, sank deeper and well to cut a long story short, the protection you have been enjoying ended.
[11:55]Unknown: Oppss…. Naky Naked!!!!!!  Ding ding ding!
Unknown! Poooowwww! HAHAHHA see, I am a funKY Ghost if you get to know me better. I know whatsup
[11:55]Unknown: But I odnt know if you have that luxry of acquaintance. I am so excited I am making mistakes typing. Hehehhehe
[11:55]Unknown: You remember the scripture that says watch and pray?
[11:55]Unknown: I bet you forgot it! Well your
[11:55]Unknown: hehehehe
[11:56]Unknown: Oh come on REV. Iit is just a small death!
[11:56]Unknown: Everybody dies? Hahahahah lolrotflollola
[11:56]Unknown: Some stupid death; Don’t worry; it will be over before you knoqw I have started it.
[11:56]Unknown: Shut the gadammn hell up!!!!! Reverend! You brought this upon your miserable life!!!!
[11:57]Unknown: You conscience told you to leave the skirts alone, but you wont listen; seen? Your fault reverend, not mine!
[11:57]Unknown: Your Conscience*

[My God will save me] The Reverend said

[11:58]Unknown: Seriously? I thought you lost your voice. Well About the salvation part…well let say if you can repent quickly enough before I take over your body and soul; which I must tell you will be very fast!
[11:58]Unknown: Oh don’t cry…. Die like a man. Die like I died! I died in my sleep…. You can try that…less pain, no struggles….you wake up dead…and you look down on your lifeless body and wonder wth?
[11:58]Unknown: COOOLLLLLL! I am soo excited.

[11:58]Unknown: Ok let’s get to it I cant wait to lie on this bed. Lemme tell you a few things before we commence on the procedure shall we?
[11:58]Unknown: you will feel your temperature rise very high and fast, you will feel giddy and weak. Your face will feel like tearing apart; and if you had the luxury of a mirror, you will see yourself assuming a face other than yours.
[11:59]Unknown: you will fell yourself speaking a new language, thinking differently seeing differently behaving differently… all will happen in a swift lightning manner you wont even have the time to analyse….

[To what end are you doing this?] The Minister asked the void in front of him

[11:59]Unknown: To live and to walk the length and breadth of the earth and enjoy the things you enjoy
[11:59]Unknown: Oh I lied about why I was killed, I slept with Clemenscu’s wife…. Stupid poor aristocrat married to a powerful woman. She knew it was a mistake but she was married. So Clemenscu kept the ring I kept the pinky. Division of labour I called it.
[11:59]Unknown: And when I saw you, I knew we were connected. We loved the same thing….Pinky

[11:59]Unknown: Please lemme round it up with an advice before me and you become one. Whenever you go to any place; hotel, new house, and space you will rest, pray before you settle there…. You do not know what lived there, what lives there and has been down there….

We simply hover around…looking for vessels… if we find it….we settle in… you let down your guard… I got my death-lifelong desire.
[11:59]Unknown: I know that word is silly. My own coining….see I told you I could be funky…

[11:59]Unknown: Shall we? Oh you can scream all loud…it will be your last and afterwards I will buy this hotel and get my room back. Then I get to paaaarrrrrrtttttteeeyyyyyy

[00:00] Unknown: hmmm Ready????

We do not wrestle against Flesh and Blood, but spiritual wickedness in high places. Therefore watch and pray; your adversary is running back and forth the face of the earth looking for whom he may devour. He comes to steal, to kill and to destroy, but do not give him a place in your life. 

PG Sebastian
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