Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 18 July 2013


Most often, we find ourselves being hotly pursued by people who want to be a part of our lives. Sometimes we say everything to get these people off our back and we seem to fail. Many of us tend to use our relationships as an excuse and a reason to ward off these people. This is fundamentally wrong. 

Never use your relationship as an excuse to stave off anyone who is pursuing or pestering you. What that conveys to the person is, but for your relationship, you would have given in. If you should meet an importunate person, he or she will then find a reason and a cause to attack your relationship. 

Again, If you tell any man or woman you cannot be with them because of your relationship, what you are invariably telling them is that you agree with them in viewing your relationship as a stumbling block to your joy and happiness; a barrier which is now hindering your drive for true happiness. 

Let anyone who is pestering you appreciate the fact that your decision to be with them or not to be with them is based on the appropriateness or inappropriateness of it, your readiness or otherwise of being in such a relationship and not something based on any Third Party relationship.

Much as this is difficult to conceive, as most people tend to meet people who sweep them off their feet, the truth is, an honest person cannot love two people in an emotional and intimate sense at the same time; you will love one more and the other less. 

If you meet someone you love so much that the only thing that is preventing you from being with them is your relationship, then your perception of your relationship is that of a barrier to your freedom and true joy. It also means it is no more something you willfully want to be in but something you are kept in to prevent you from being with someone else. In that view, it means you love your current partner less. 

If you find yourself in this situation, cut the the new person off or leave your relationship to be with this new person;  you cannot be in between. 

The following tips can help you deal with anyone who is pestering you for a relationship:

  • Do not indulge these people by visiting them and encouraging them to visit you and don't spend time with them.
  • Avoid receiving favours from them; something that makes you morally obliged to show them appreciation or be more receptive to them.
  • Avoid introducing them to your family members and close friends as this gives them legitimacy and a stepping stone to further strengthen their claim to you. How do you feel when someone you want to be with refuses to introduce you to people close to them? You feel unwanted and left out? Sometimes you take it as a sign to forget them? Well that works. 
  • Avoid finding yourself alone with them in public places and at social gatherings. People talk and questions and comments can put ideas into your head, weaken your resolve and strengthen theirs.
  • Do not discuss your relationship with them, especially when you are going through difficult times; that is a recipe for a rapid take over. 
  • Try your best to paint only positive picture about your partner.  
  • Smear your partner on their faces like a warm butter. Give them the, "my boyfriend that and my boyfriend this. My girlfriend said this and she did that and I love that..."stuff; Nothing upsets anyone more than someone you love always talking about their partners.   
  • If any conversation or IM Chat veers off and they start talking about the same old same you are not giving in to, send them a cute BRB with a winking smiley and end the conversation. If it is a phone conversation, tell them there is a call coming through, you will call them back - and remember not to to call them back. Most importantly try not to pick all their calls. If it is a face to face talk, tell them you need to go once the topic changes. But do all these things after you have told them first that they do not stand a chance. Do not run away from them until you have said your NO first.
  • Colleagues are difficult to deal with since you are always with them, which is why you need friends who like to chat on IM. if you find yourself with this pest at lunch or in the same car, bury yourself in your phone. You can even tell your friends to call you so you waste time on some trivia. 

There are no laid down rules on how to get someone off your back and some people can really make life unbearable for you; but if you have to, you must marshal all your resources at getting them off your back. Remember, there are emotions involved here; an innocent person in your life who expects you to love them and be faithful to them, your own emotions and conscience and the people around you who expect you to know better and act right. You may throw caution out of the window and give in to this person, but know you will not be respected and trusted. Who takes you for permanence when anyone who comes around can make you sway in their favour? 

PG Sebastian 
Copyrights 2013