Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

BUILT FOR MARRIAGE

If anyone seeks fellowship in marriage, he or she seeks a good thing. Marriage is a beautiful thing; but it is also a lot of hard work. It is a lot of work which requires maturity to be able to do it and do it right. 

Anyone who is making preparations to take that step must show maturity enough to:
Know that playing games are over
know that loose ends must first be tied before the Altar not after the Altar.
Know that it is not like any other commercial contract where you can choose to keep to yourself anything your partner has not asked you about, but rather, in utmost good faith, make known all that is material to the marriage
Know that It calls for unconditional love from the man and unconditional submission from the woman; and that any of the two is not contingent on the manifestation of the other - as the bible expects of us.
Know that you cannot put your hand to the Plough and look back at another man or woman
Know that you do not know it all and therefore the need to find a counselor you can flow with, yet trust and confide in, from whom you can seek directions from time to time; someone your partner will also accept
Know that some doors must be closed, some numbers must be deleted, sometimes, if necessary and possible, your phone number, location, job, friends and companions must change
Know that you will need some divine intervention every now and then to go through some period steadfastly, wisely and sanely
Know that your partner suddenly becomes your father, mother, brother, sister, pastor, priest, counselor, friend and lover and many more and a first point of call in any situation and in most cases the last point of call as well.
Know that because of the immediately preceding point, you cannot settle on any man or woman who will make it hard for you to accept them in that capacity
Know that your partner is human flawed and frail and that in times of extreme, anger love, care and kindness must influence all the actions you will take. Some actions which may seem plausible at the time of taking them may leave bitter taste in your mouth later on. Cook your words and actions well as you may want them to be served you so that when you are called upon to eat them back, you can.

God bless you and keep you. May He keep the destroyer far from your family and relationship with his mighty hand and his fiery countenance which cannot look upon sin with comfort. May he make you wise not to confuse the things that are subject of prayer and things that are subject of hard word, discipline and a sense of responsibility.

I love you all


~PG Sebastian~
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All Rights Reserved 

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

AND ON THE 8TH DAY THE LORD CREATED THE FAMILY



Much as I wish I could come up with some nice preamble to introduce this very sticky issue I am as passionate about as many people are, I will not, indeed I cannot find it in me to be all cozy and sweet-talking about it.  



It is fundamentally wrong for any man or woman to put religious obligations ahead of the family. After God was done creating the earth and man, He felt companionship, intimacy and procreation was utmost and therefore authorized their creation.


I am not saying that after marriage people should neglect their service to God in favour of their spouses; what I am saying that your home must be in order before you run off to church for long progammes back to back. I am saying that you first feed the hungry in your house and clothe the destitute at home before you go giving fat offerings. Don't quote the prophet who had to eat the poor widow's food as a defense, because there was also the young man who ate sacred food in the temple so he does not die....and Jesus who healed on the Sabbath. There is a reason why your tithe is 10% of your income and not 80% and the Sabbath is just a Day not five days in a week. I am saying that feed your husband, make sure your wife is safe and warm before you go lifting up hypocritical hands before God. Settle your conflicts at home before you go out all smiles. 


God did not impose the family on you; you went to a man's house and pledged your willingness and ability to take care of his son or daughter in a reasonable and acceptable way after the likeness of a normal family. That was your decision. If you want to go all out for God fine, do it alone or get a man or woman who will walk step for step shoulder to shoulder with you. But then there are the kids; do you remember how Eli, who was the judge of Israel and the priest of God, raised deviant kids who dragged his name in the mud because of his neglect? 



The body of Christ is a lifestyle and service to Christ is not confined to the church building. Our primary service to God, our reasonable and acceptable service, is to and through mankind.... starting from our home and extending it to the community around us. Every now and then we come together to worship and break bread and share His word; but what defines us is the lives we lead thereafter, in the view of the world. 


Keep your eyes on the family young man and young woman. No matter how spiritual you become, you or your family won't be immune from the consequences of your neglect.


~PG Sebastian~ 
Copyrights 2013
All Rights Reserved 
x


Wednesday, 5 June 2013

CLIMB ON!

The Higher you go, the lonelier it gets, the colder you feel and fewer your crowd becomes. The space up there is small so you cannot afford a lot of people around. You must cut some off and some will go off themselves. You will be left with those who see through your eyes and those who face the same direction as you. When you wake up one day and your friends are few and you feel all alone and cold; Be glad because you are up there.

It is not everyone who must sit with you in your glory. Every tree that bears not a fruit is cut off. In your hour of elevation some people will lose their ability to give taste to your life, cut them off. Do not live in the lie that old friends are the best. Are they? What about the old friends you used to steal with; Chase skirts with; Drink with; Nag with; 'Aimless' and 'lose' with; crawl with; fail with, break homes with, sugar daddy with? 

What happened when you told them you wanted to change your life and do something better with it? Did they follow you? Did they encourage you? So why let them suddenly show up with a litany of good times you had together and be a baggage now that you have broken through? Some of these friends you might have even planned your steps to a breakthrough with, but they laughed behind you and ridiculed you. Now that you have broken through they are all creeping around, not to ask you to teach them how you did it, but are now asking to be made part heirs to your throne. Do you remember the guy who left you because you wanted to put a stop to the sex, the morning after pill and the wanton abortion? So why is he creeping back now that your life is together and looking set for the highest place?

In your hour of glory, you cannot afford lose talkers, little minds and shortsighted people. You cannot pat pessimists at the back and hug draw-backers! Where I sit, if you are not pushing me up or coming along in the things that are precious to me, then we are at a T-junction...find your way out! ...That should be your new greeting to your friends! 

When you decide to marry, some friends must go; those who fundamentally think marriage is a waste of time, those who think any man or woman is a potential bed-mate, any man or woman who feel they cannot love or submit, any man or woman who feels marriage is nothing but any other contract. These people must go because they are everything that can guarantee you a ‘What-A-Shock’ or ‘Gone-Too-Soon’ Marriage.

When you decide to turn to God and serve him with all your heart, some friends must go. You cannot be in the midst of crawling ants and remove those that are crawling up your body. It is only wise that you first run to safety, stamping your feet violently till they drop off, then you remove those that are still holding on to your body with your hands. Sometimes the need for change, especially spiritual renewal, must make us feel like our very lives are on the line. How do intend to grow and become spiritually strong when you are still with people who did things that made you spiritually dead? Some people say they want to help their friends to change, noble as it may be, you first need learn to walk before you attempt to help someone. If you and your friends are moving together, that is fine, but if your friends are not willing to change then you cannot hang out with them. How do you do that? You meet them before or after prayer meetings? You meet them to drink, watch porn, talk about girls or boys, gossip, idle around and do all sorts of things, then you go for bible studies? And they will not even visit your church or allow you even to share a WORD with them. No. Cut them off.  

In the CEO office every seat is important, if you are of less worth you cannot be in there; sit with the secretary downstairs. Up there is for serious business. Three extra seats for people of his/her class. I don’t think you want the CEO of another company to sit outside with the secretary so you can have all the time in there with the CEO talking about nothing. If they decide to come down to you while you wait for them outside, he will; but don't think it is your right! 

At the top people play, golf, at the bottom you play wayside soccer! How many people did you say play golf? What about street soccer? You see even the games are well defining enough.

Don't waste your time. Salvation, breakthrough, family, health, success among others are individual affairs. Blessed are you if you have a crowd who move with you...if you do not, leave your lot behind and move on!


From now on, you need to deal with the excess baggage, God is sending you somewhere, let go off the past; those who want to come along have legs; let them run up and catch up. Shut your ears and don't pay attention to all the comments being passed; People who want to please everyone never get to focus on anything important and never achieve any goal set...you can ask the politicians.... People will slow you down till you miss your time and all they can say is ‘oooh it was not meant for you.’ But it’s a lie; thy made you miss it.

Sunday, 2 June 2013

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE A PART OF THE STATISTICS OF LIFE

Most of us live our lives as part of the world statistics. We are part of the nameless faceless numbers that make up the various issues the world is discussing. We are basely described in numbers and figures, graphs and charts. But I strongly feel with are born and exist for something greater; something far more glorious and important that we cannot be hidden in the pages nooks and cranes of numbers and the labyrinth of complex charts. 

We have names and we have faces; names and faces that must fill the corridors of our world with awe and reverence. 

Your name must not be part of the names; you should not be one of the thousands of tertiary educated graduates - employed or unemployed, belong to one of the families succumbing to social evolution, just a Christian; just a woman or man; a sick person or a healthy person. Today tell yourself that your days in the various queues of life are over and your life as part of life's statistics is ended.

No one should mention a name on a list in one breath, and in the next breath, mention yours and then move on. Your name must always make people pause a moment.

Today tell yourself, with utmost faith and strong conviction, that if a thousand graduates are applying for a single job position, you will be taken regardless of what others put on their CV. The bible says in the year of famine, Isaac planted and reaped a hundred fold [Gen 26:1-14]. 

Today if you are employed and promotion to the top seem like a mirage, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that NEW POSITIONS would have to be created so you can occupy them; Someone ahead of you must resign or get another job offer elsewhere so their seats can be vacant for you.(don't pray for someone's dismissal though - smile)

Regardless of where you are hidden; whether in a Jail, like Joseph; or in the field, like David; or in wine-press, like Gideon; tell yourself when your crown is forged, it must only fit your head and no other head. When the prophet comes to anoint a king they must remember to call you regardless of how long they have forgotten about you. When a difficult task comes up they must remember the young man or woman who is the only one with the solution - YOU

No matter your family, Educational or Financial background [Judges 11 & 12 – the Story of Jephthah the son of a harlot and a Mighty man of valour who Judged Israel], tell yourself you cannot die UNCELEBRATED. You must be positively celebrated; you must be the first amongst the best.

When they are mentioning names and they get to yours they must pause. Regardless of which register your name appears in, it must be treated with respect, reverence and awe. Someone’s heart must miss a beat by the fact that they are privileged to mention your name and meet you.

In the midst of social decadent look upon your sleeping children and make positive declarations on their lives and tell yourself that even if the whole world goes blind your children will be the one-eyed kings.

In the midst of marital tumult tell yourself your marriage will work; your relationship will stand. God will always bring your man or woman home. No matter the temptation, no matter their weakness, no matter where you are failing, God will intervene for His name sake and save that which is heavy for your arms.

In the midst of strange incurable diseases; diseases that we don’t even know how they spread, your life would be spared; you and your loved ones.

When Car accidents are a common place you would be kept safe because God has got a legion of Angels specifically assigned to keep you in all your ways.

When strange weapons of the enemy are fashioned against you; thru people you suspect, those you don’t, forces from your family, your workplace, your house; forces physical and spiritual; forces named and unnamed; imaginable and unimaginable...Tell yourself God’s Spirit will lift up a standard against them.

Today refuse to be part of the statistics of life: (Please note the stats provided below are made up figures for the purpose of the write up)

75.4% of University Graduates  are unemployed...[you are in it]
Chances are that 90% of staff won’t be promoted within the next two years [you are in it]
60% of Ghanaians live under the poverty line [you are in it]
2,000 approx. people die in road accidents annually [ you are likely to be in it]
36% of all marriages contracted in 2009 did not last a year [you are in it]
Teenage vices and other socially deviant behaviours have shot up by 53% within the past  decade [your kids are in it]

NO WAY

75.4% of people are unemployed...[you are sending your CV this week and next week you are starting work]
Chances are that 90% of staff won’t be promoted within the next two years [We need to do something About (Put your name there) because we cannot afford to go a year further without promoting him/her – Management talking]
60% of Ghanaians live under the poverty line [you are not part of it]
2,000 approx. people die in road accidents annually [ You are going to stay outside that number for all times even though you all travel the same road]
36% of all marriages contracted in 2009 did not last a year [yours will last till death do you part]
Teenage vices and other socially deviant behaviours have shot up by 53% within the past  decade [ Your kids still listen, do not disrespectfully talk back at you, do not go picking fights,  are not into substance abuse nor pregnant at teenage....

Today see yourself uniquely, that is the only way your story will be unique. We have the breath of God in us therefore we exhibit  His nature. We have the power to declare things for them to stand, to plant or uproot what we so desire. Let us take a stand and say we are different. Let us say the laws of this world may apply to us but will not determine our ultimate fate.

This month, hmmm Ego bee k3k3

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God Bless Us

PG Sebastian
Copyrights 2010
All Rights Reserved 

BONDING 101

 Take interest in the things that interest your partner. It is the surest way to create a stronger bond, have a lot more things in common, meet most of their friends, gain their allegiance somehow and control some of the excesses they are likely to get entangled in if they did things alone, without you having to overtly attempt to do it. 

Taking interest in what interests your partner is like being in the same political party or supporting the same football team; you get to have a lot more things to talk about, a lot less issues to disagree on and a lot more mutual friends to hang out with. The more you hang out together the more you eliminate the petty things that generate fights. For instance, when my wife and I go out to the movies, she does not complain that I stayed out for long; I do not complain that I had to eat late. We are both part of the issue, we talk all the way home, eat whatever we can find and sleep with smiles. 

Your lack of interest in the things that interest your partner will not make them stop doing them; it will only make them find other people who share the same interests with them, spend more of their thoughts, feelings, desires, hopes and dreams with them. Most of the infidelity and snatchings we see occuring, occur between colleagues, social club members, 'area friends' and people who share distinctive interests like professions. 

[Consider two people with the same religious beliefs but of different spiritual intensity – one is a regular, the other is high-pitched spiritual. Even though both are religious, they are likely to fight over issues like all nights, praying out loud, speaking in tongues, using of anointing oil among others. Assuming they were both  either typical Anglicans or Fire brand Charismatic.]

You cannot stop your work and go work with your wife for sure, but maybe when she comes home and she is raving and ranting about her work, no matter how complicated the subject is, find it in your own interest to be engaging and ask questions that will make you learn. Do not engage in facial gimmicks and wave her out in your head, because sooner than you know, she will realize you are just pretending to be interested. She may then choose to be quiet on her job issues when she is home and talk to someone else who understands her. Sometimes my wife can talk for over 20 minutes about her work; All I do is listen and try not to forget. It is not an easy task, but I have decided to do it because when I also start raving and ranting...I expect her world to stop and revolve around mine...so let me do it for her. You cannot suddenly become a politician or a football fan, but these are the things He talks about and goes out for. Why not be interested so you can tag along when he is going out? That will make him share or talk to you when he is looking for someone to share a thought with or seek support from, it would be you and not some other die hard NPP lady or Man U supporter. 
 
I cannot give you all the different scenarios, but you and I know that most often than not, we do not show so much interest in what our partners do or what interests them. We turn on deaf ears when it comes to their interests. I am not talking about the mutual interests you may naturally have, I am talking about the things they are passionate about but we are not. The degree of ‘into-ness’ will to a good extent determine whether you two will be happy together or not, whether you will last or not, whether someone else will come in between you two or not. 

Your relationship or marriage is in serious trouble if the only time you actually laugh and have hearty chats with your partner is in the company of a Third Party.

You do not need to go shopping or to the salon with her, but if you have to do it once every month, go with her. See all the 'lungulungus and the corner-corner route to the place somewhere at Dansoman where the killer braids are done for her, it is no big deal. It makes her feel appreciated; you get to meet some of her friends who may never come visit her at home. You get to hear their stories; soon you become the other party in the complex ladies’ intrigue. “Oh George, you remember Aileen don’t you? That tall lady we met at the salon? Yea, her best friend said this and I said that and we met at this place and there was this lady….ok the next time we go the salon I will show you….” Soon you are part of their little chit chats….big family growing. 

I do not expect that you go golfing with him or even go to the gym with him, but if he is a sport or exercise freak, then you should know that with time, your body will be a source of tension at home. And if you have the kind of body my mum refers to as ‘a ball with hands and legs’, then sooner than you know, there could be that fit and firm bodied woman getting a lift/ride, and …as harmless as it may start…it can becomes something else. If you can make time to go with him, you will be the lady in the front seat. 

These are just a few of the many examples I could give or you can even come up with. They may not be true or applicable in your experience; but the reality exists that if you have a lot more of mutual interests, you bond better and feel a lot happier and friendlier with each other, reducing tension and fights as you equilibrate towards healthy friendship beyond your love relationship. 

Please our world is becoming cruel and things that distract us are a lot. Let us seek our own first. Keep that which is yours. A bird in hand is worth two in the forest. Treat your relationship as if it is the best thing that happened to you. 
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 Be happy
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
PG Sebastian
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All Rights Reserved