Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Friday, 10 May 2013


In the D-Day Allied Forces’ invasion of Normandy (1944 during WWII) it is believed that the average life span of an Allied Soldier on the Beaches of Normandy was less than one minute – meaning an Allied soldier was  likely to be killed in seconds of landing at the beach by German fire.   

 In one of the many battlefront stories, it is said that as the Allied forces fought their way through barrage of German artillery fire, aerial bombardment and landmines, they came to a small post manned by Germans…or probably just one German soldier. It was a very small post. And no matter what the group of Allied soldiers did, they could not dislodge the soldier or overran the post.  So a senior officer came around and asked them what the problem was. And they told him they were struggling to take the post.

The Officer was shocked! You guys have crossed the sea from all over the free Europe and the US to  take France and then the rest of Europe and you cannot take a simple post? He handpicked a few soldiers and took a couple of ammunition and stormed the building and took it down!

You see, the soldiers had been taught to fight in the open, taught how to charge and surge forward. They had been taught about many battle maneuvers, but they were not knowledgeable in Street, alley and house to house combat. They had ideas, but they did not have the hands-on experience or strategies to deal with fluid events as they unfolded before them. They had the general impression of taking France, but not the fine details that would make such a big picture complete.

The thought that hit me was this: are we knowledgeable in the big and general things but are lacking in the fine details…the little little things that will make it all count.

A father thinks that providing a house, a car, good education and holidays for the kids should suffice. The woman thinks that being fertile and able to give birth, support the family financially and being called a wedded wife is good enough. Christians think that going to church, giving offerings and working in the church or being part of a fellowship is all that God is looking for.

So one day the man wakes up and the woman who is supposed to be grateful to him for all that he has provided is nagging and complaining or cheating or asking for a divorce. The woman wakes up to an epiphany that despite all she has done for her husband and the kids, her husband is cheating, disrespecting her and trying to run her down with his ego, the size of China. So parents wake up and cannot believe why their kids did not turn out like all the other kids who went to the same school as theirs and had similar upbringings. So a Born-Again Christian cannot believe that in spite of all he does for God, he is still unemployed.  

It is time to realize that it is one thing knowing the bigger picture, doing the general things and going through the routines, and it is another filling in the details, taking heed to every possible scenario, attempting to look at your life in a step by step, holistic way and trying to find ways of dealing with life’s events as they unfold.

 It is time for men to realize that renting or buying a mighty house, carpeted with money and goodies is not enough to make a home; that is a hotel lifestyle. Home is where real human beings live, interacting with each other in real animated time; all senses involved. Home is where love buds and affection blooms and where people float on the sea of mutual respect and support.

It is time for women to realize that being called a mother is not everything; and supporting a man financially or sitting on top of the corporate ladder is not what makes a successful mother. What makes you such a mother or woman is to turn your house into a home, and knit all the lives that dwell therein together into a big synergistic whole. While the man provides the bigger stones to hold it fundamentally together, you bring in the finer grains that fill the holes and makes the whole thing compact and well bonded. How can you neglect your man and consign him to the care of another woman in the house or office? How can you get so tired with work that he must starve sexually for weeks unending? How can your phone be buzzing with calls and emails in the middle of intimate moments and you think it is the nature of the job? How can you make the children miss the touch of this whole business called MAMA business?

Maybe you need to get up and look for a job. Maybe you need to exercise a little bit of faith in your relationship with God. You pray and fast for days and yet at the slightest headache you run for Tylenol. You bind demons and claim you are in charge of the spiritual realm, yet a woman shows her cleavage and we have a bad case of puffing frontage of your trousers as blood race from your head down to unacceptable places in your being. Seriously? Oh you cannot help the juicy gossip, the little lies of convenience, the man who says he loves you so you do not care that he is leaving another woman for you for no reason except that you are prettier.

Alas, we all know the bigger picture… A man has to make his home materially comfortable and a woman has to be up and there…God bless Beijing! Children must get it as soon as they ask for it; it keeps the peace. Last time I checked, juvenile delinquency is as rife among poor kids as with rich kids; it is, however, very minimal among kids with constructive parental intervention in their growth and development. Yes Poor men have wives who leave them for rich men and rich men have wives who leave them still, but good husbands and fathers are far more likely to keep their wives and children; and the same goes for good wives and mothers. And by ‘Good’ I mean those who give their families the same serious attention they give to other areas of their lives (like their careers) if not more. Yes, unbelievers tend to run things and have more money even though they may not  appreciate the concept of tithe paying and organized religion; it is because they are honest in their day to day dealings, they are faithful with things in their care, they mind their own business and do not backbite. They respect boundaries and obey instructions. They give to help worthy causes and they know when to say thank you. Yes they may not go to Heaven, because they are not born again, but right here on this earth, they will be happier than you believers who are everything negative they are not. 
So as you go into the day do not just think of the exciting prospect of liberating France and Europe…the big grand picture. Look at the little little battles the sum total of which will win the war. The little battles you must fight at the very basic and individual level. Not the big things and show offs… but what really matters…the one post you must clear off the way in order to proceed. 

~PG Sebastian~  
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