Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Friday, 31 May 2013

THE HOME, OUR SHARED RESPONSIBILITY


Let not a woman force a man, in the name of modernity, to go to the kitchen and let not a man insist that a woman supports him in paying the bills. If your man decides not to lift a finger to help you out in the kitchen, it is no excuse to starve him or sexually deny him. If your wife decides to spend all her money on herself, well its your duty as a man to still provide for the home and not make a fuss about it. 

However, as a sign of love, support and show of consideration, let a man help his wife in the home keeping duties when she is overwhelmed with same and other pressing needs like the kids and her own work. In the same vain, let the woman be discerning enough to know that the man cannot pay it all and foot it all; let her throw in her dime or pesewa in the family money box. 

Society has a name for a man who is always in the kitchen and woman whose husband is always in the kitchen while she watches Mexican soap. And they have a name for a man whose wife pays all the bills and a woman who pays all the bills while her hubby loiter around. 

The home is a shared and balanced responsibility; there are no airtight compartments and departments.

PG Sebastian

Copyright 2013
All rights Reversed   

MUCH FRETTING ABOUT NOTHING

My dear ladies, be strong and stop falling for the deception that there is some biological clock ticking somewhere in your body. Marriage or being with a man is not just about beating this haunting tic toc-king clock. 

Yes. There might be something like that. But then there is also someone somewhere...a lady who married a big loser who lied about who he truly was and trapped the woman. There is someone who has been married and for years is childless. There is someone who married and walked out overnight. There is someone who has given birth to a child with complicated medical condition. There is someone who will preside over countless miscarriages. A lady is crying because her husband is killing her with his constant nagging threat of divorce because he wants a boy child. There are women who are dying under funny circumstances in childbirth.

Can I continue? I am not glorifying any of these sad situations; but ask any of the ladies going through these if they had an iota of knowledge of the hard times ahead of them. Ask them if they would not have preferred being single than being married. In fact some prove it through divorces. 

Do you remember Sarah and the Hagar saga that put Uncle Abe in the middle? Maybe the course of world history would have been different but for the decision of a fretting woman. 

Relax. Seriously. I know how it feels like to be called another man's own. To carry his name.... aaaahh Mrs Odeneho Sikawofie Winful; To get out of your car, roll your car keys and brandish that ruby studded platinum ring. I know... I have seen the anxiety in the eyes of a 36-year old woman who is praying for a child. I have seen the cost running across the face of the earth looking for someone who can make the magic happen... But then marriage is not the solution. A man is not the solution. No man is a solution. Yes they may be the potential conduit God can use. But there are some good number of married women who are more lonely, destitute and miserable than singles. 

There are no guarantees. Do not push it and do not absorb the pressure. Shake it off. Don't settle for any man because you think he can take your shame away. Get busy while you wait. There is no shame in being single. Keep calm and keep your head screwed on well. Pray and don't lose your focus and objectivity. One day he will pop up and when he does, your age won't matter. 

And you men who are heckling and allowing your family members to do same to your wives, please be men enough to cover up for them. What were you thinking reciting those vows. I bet after a thorough investigation we might even find out you are the problem. 

It is not worth it really. Sometimes the wait can be the best moment of your life. Relish it. Don't fret it off. 

~ PG Sebastian~

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

POUR IN THE OIL AND THE WINE, BIND UP HER WOUNDS.


In the discussion Jesus had with a certain lawyer, about good neighborliness  Jesus picked a vague Character whose identity was shrouded in mystery and therefore referred to as a Certain Man.

This certain man was traveling from one place to another; it could have been for anything. He could have been any man going for something or responding to something; something that drew him to where he was going, or something that pushed him from where he was. Nonetheless, he was going out for a purpose.

It is told that along this journey, he fell among thieves who brutalized him and robbed him of his personal effects leaving him half dead in the middle of nowhere; hoping he would be dead by the time the next human shadow showed up.

As he laid there in the blistering heat, cleaving on to life with gripping tenacity, praying and struggling to hold on to it a little longer, keenly awake to his humiliation, bruises, brokenness  and nothingness, there came to pass a couple of people. As we know it, most did not stop. Not the priest, not the Levite. I am wondering what was going through his mind as these people stuck their noses in the air, set their faces straight and walked on. I am sure he felt more pain in his heart at the betrayal than the wounds he was reeling from.

But can you fault them; the people that walked away. They had their plans; it was nothing personal. They did not hate him; they were just too busy to be slowed down. Every minute they wasted on this man was at a cost to them; a cost they were not ready to incur. They were looking at the avalanche of inconvenience that a moment's pause was going to unleash on them. Who travels with a sick stranger? What if it was a trap? You attempt to help and suddenly people from nowhere spring up and rob you too. What if in your attempt to help, they become a burden; a burden you must take care of even after they are well and ok. It could even be that they were too lost in their own pressing thoughts they did not notice him.

Then, one man, who could have given any of these fair reasons, decided to do the abnormal; He stopped. He actually stopped to look at the injured man and had compassion on him. He got emotionally involved with him. He was aware of the time cost in attempting to cater for the injured man, but he was willing to pay it. It was going to throw him off his schedule because he was not just idling in the wilderness looking for wounded strangers to help. He was about some business of a sort. However, he felt that could wait; this was a pressing matter. He was willing to bear the cost.

He took the man and cleaned his wounds; his wounded pride, his torn emotions, his scarred psyche, his bruised ego. He cleaned him; cleaned him from all the dust of his fall, the pieces of stones that stuck in his flesh…stones that hurt with every turn, stones of abuse, rejection and shame. He cleaned up everything.


Then he poured in the wine….he poured in the wine to prevent the wounds from festering, he attempted to help prevent the degeneration of the wounds; sinking in of the insults and the abuse, acceptance of the fact that he was nothing and could be nothing. He was preventing the wounds from going deeper into his blood and mind and heart and make him see himself as what the robbers wanted him to see himself as; vulnerable, cheap, helpless, waste, incompetent, loser, good for using and dumping, good for nothing but one’s amusement. He was preventing the scars from becoming permanent…permanent fear of the dark, of men, of women, of getting pregnant again, of trusting again, of marriage, of believing in God again… he had to stop it from going further into the skin…these bodily injuries…

After he had washed his wounds with wine, he poured in the oil….he soothed his wounds, told him everything would be fine; hushed him up from crying or complaining. He did not allow him to ask, ‘why me?’. He only bound he wounds with the soothing oil. He made him feel cared for, loved cherished, wanted and alive again. He gave him hope that in the midst of human cruelty and abandonment there could be salvation; that nothing was lost.

At his own cost and trouble, this Samaritan took the afflicted man to an inn. There he had him sheltered until he was fully recovered. He did not see it as a ‘half and half’ effort. No. he took full responsibility of him. ‘Some’ was not enough, ‘everything’ was. The Samaritan wanted to be sure that the next time the injured man saw the sun, he would have forgotten about the pains of yesterday; the hurt, the brokenness, the dissipated dreams and promises, the disappointment and humiliation. He wanted him to wake up and forget his nightmare. He made sure it was done and it was on his account.

Life is full of challenges and tragedies. Everyone is in to get what they want; and for some people it is with force and brutality. They take what is yours by every means possible, leaving you naked, humiliated, shamed, and wounded in spirit and in heart, after which they leave you to die. The shocking part is your pastor may not be that interested in you beyond his tithe and offertory, and your family members may be too busy to be slowed by you and your problems. They don’t hate you, it is nothing personal, they are just going their way and you are also going to lie there and rot.

After life has battered your wife…your husband and left them to die, tell them….your wife…tell your husband...tell them you love them. Help them forget the abuse and humiliation they must suffer and the daily struggles they must go through in order to have and provide for the home. Pour in the wine and stop the festering of the wounds your wife bears…the daily humiliation, abuse and discrimination because she is a woman. Pour in the wine to close the broken flesh of your partner’s servitude, because they do not have all the requisite papers; academic qualifications or work permits, because they do not come from certain backgrounds, tribe or race.

Life can leave us with wounded pride, shattered dreams and crushed aspirations. And as we lie licking our wounds, our secret prayers are that our loved ones will not abandon us, look the other way or become so engrossed in something else that they suddenly do not care.

In the hour of need, when all that is left is anger, pain and bitterness, lost faith and broken confidence, it's up to us to pour in the wine, clean the wounds, prevent them from festering, stop the pain from becoming entrenched. Discourage them from being discouraged; stop them from stopping and giving up. Stop the rapid growth of bitterness, hopelessness and a sense of unworthiness. Then pour in the oil, to calm their fear, sooth their pain, show them a better perspective, comfort their hearts, encourage them, strengthen them, challenge them, reignite them. Pour in the oil and bind their wounds.

And when you are done, provide them with shelter; the shelter of your love, comfort, a sense of security, daily bouts of assurance, trust, support, presence, fidelity, faithfulness, care and charity. Shelter them spiritually, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Shelter them from your family members because she or he is not like your sisters or brothers. Shelter them from the heckling of the crows you call friends and employers. Shelter them.


Make sure that when they step out the following day to take on the battle of life, they would be so healed they would forget the scars of yesterday.

Yes, it would come at a cost to you; it will cost you your time, your money and your energy. Nevertheless, whatever you choose to be, the story talks of two classes of people, those who did not help and those who helped. Someone somehow in some way would help. No one will die where they are not destined to die.

As a man, you can be the Priest to your wife, pretend you do not see what she is going through and pray no Samaritan comes along. As a woman, you can be too busy, leave your husband broken, and hope there are no Samaritans coming his way. Alternatively, you can be that Samaritan man…or woman…and you can be pouring in your oil, binding their wounds, and bringing them to full recovery, at your cost.

It is up to you to choose where you want to stand in this picture. However, your husband is broken, humiliated, tired, robbed, wounded, offended and everything that can kill a man’s spirit has been thrown him. Choose to care for him, let him be your concern because a man who is embittered in one aspect of his life can cause pain to others in other aspects of his life. A man whose wounded pride and dignity is allowed to fester, becomes a bad business to meddle in. Pour in the wine and the oil, bind his wounds and make sure he does not go down under that weight.  Someone is telling your wife her promotion is contingent on getting into bed with her. Someone is making her feel useless because she is a woman, someone is denying her her rightful place because she is a woman and therefore vulnerable. Every day, out there for her, is a constant struggle. When she comes home with all the wounds and the dripping blood, you can look the other way and pretend you have not seen her or that it is a normal thing, and go about your duty; or you can take her in, help her take her mind off it, sooth her fears and nurse her to fullness overnight.

It is not easy on him that he cannot impregnate you; it is not easy on her that she cannot get pregnant. It is killing her; the miscarriages. His inability to provide all the fine things he sees around is killing him. He wished he were your dream man, she wished she were everything your star mum you are doted on was and more. If she could undo the humiliations she has suffered from her past relationships, she would. If he could manage the many betrayals he has suffered in the hands of women, he would. These are his wounds… her bruises….help them heal. Do not abandon them; do not punish them for what they may not have had a hand in. Do not leave them to their fate. Ease the burden on their minds and hearts and tell them it would be all right. Help them forget the pains of yesterday….because if you choose to be their Priest, God will bring their way a Samaritan.

~PG Sebastian~
Copyrights 2013
All Rights Reserved. 

Friday, 10 May 2013

NORMANDY: YOU MUST TAKE DOWN THE POST BEFORE YOU CAN TAKE FRANCE!


In the D-Day Allied Forces’ invasion of Normandy (1944 during WWII) it is believed that the average life span of an Allied Soldier on the Beaches of Normandy was less than one minute – meaning an Allied soldier was  likely to be killed in seconds of landing at the beach by German fire.   

 In one of the many battlefront stories, it is said that as the Allied forces fought their way through barrage of German artillery fire, aerial bombardment and landmines, they came to a small post manned by Germans…or probably just one German soldier. It was a very small post. And no matter what the group of Allied soldiers did, they could not dislodge the soldier or overran the post.  So a senior officer came around and asked them what the problem was. And they told him they were struggling to take the post.

The Officer was shocked! You guys have crossed the sea from all over the free Europe and the US to  take France and then the rest of Europe and you cannot take a simple post? He handpicked a few soldiers and took a couple of ammunition and stormed the building and took it down!

You see, the soldiers had been taught to fight in the open, taught how to charge and surge forward. They had been taught about many battle maneuvers, but they were not knowledgeable in Street, alley and house to house combat. They had ideas, but they did not have the hands-on experience or strategies to deal with fluid events as they unfolded before them. They had the general impression of taking France, but not the fine details that would make such a big picture complete.

The thought that hit me was this: are we knowledgeable in the big and general things but are lacking in the fine details…the little little things that will make it all count.

A father thinks that providing a house, a car, good education and holidays for the kids should suffice. The woman thinks that being fertile and able to give birth, support the family financially and being called a wedded wife is good enough. Christians think that going to church, giving offerings and working in the church or being part of a fellowship is all that God is looking for.

So one day the man wakes up and the woman who is supposed to be grateful to him for all that he has provided is nagging and complaining or cheating or asking for a divorce. The woman wakes up to an epiphany that despite all she has done for her husband and the kids, her husband is cheating, disrespecting her and trying to run her down with his ego, the size of China. So parents wake up and cannot believe why their kids did not turn out like all the other kids who went to the same school as theirs and had similar upbringings. So a Born-Again Christian cannot believe that in spite of all he does for God, he is still unemployed.  

It is time to realize that it is one thing knowing the bigger picture, doing the general things and going through the routines, and it is another filling in the details, taking heed to every possible scenario, attempting to look at your life in a step by step, holistic way and trying to find ways of dealing with life’s events as they unfold.

 It is time for men to realize that renting or buying a mighty house, carpeted with money and goodies is not enough to make a home; that is a hotel lifestyle. Home is where real human beings live, interacting with each other in real animated time; all senses involved. Home is where love buds and affection blooms and where people float on the sea of mutual respect and support.

It is time for women to realize that being called a mother is not everything; and supporting a man financially or sitting on top of the corporate ladder is not what makes a successful mother. What makes you such a mother or woman is to turn your house into a home, and knit all the lives that dwell therein together into a big synergistic whole. While the man provides the bigger stones to hold it fundamentally together, you bring in the finer grains that fill the holes and makes the whole thing compact and well bonded. How can you neglect your man and consign him to the care of another woman in the house or office? How can you get so tired with work that he must starve sexually for weeks unending? How can your phone be buzzing with calls and emails in the middle of intimate moments and you think it is the nature of the job? How can you make the children miss the touch of this whole business called MAMA business?

Maybe you need to get up and look for a job. Maybe you need to exercise a little bit of faith in your relationship with God. You pray and fast for days and yet at the slightest headache you run for Tylenol. You bind demons and claim you are in charge of the spiritual realm, yet a woman shows her cleavage and we have a bad case of puffing frontage of your trousers as blood race from your head down to unacceptable places in your being. Seriously? Oh you cannot help the juicy gossip, the little lies of convenience, the man who says he loves you so you do not care that he is leaving another woman for you for no reason except that you are prettier.

Alas, we all know the bigger picture… A man has to make his home materially comfortable and a woman has to be up and there…God bless Beijing! Children must get it as soon as they ask for it; it keeps the peace. Last time I checked, juvenile delinquency is as rife among poor kids as with rich kids; it is, however, very minimal among kids with constructive parental intervention in their growth and development. Yes Poor men have wives who leave them for rich men and rich men have wives who leave them still, but good husbands and fathers are far more likely to keep their wives and children; and the same goes for good wives and mothers. And by ‘Good’ I mean those who give their families the same serious attention they give to other areas of their lives (like their careers) if not more. Yes, unbelievers tend to run things and have more money even though they may not  appreciate the concept of tithe paying and organized religion; it is because they are honest in their day to day dealings, they are faithful with things in their care, they mind their own business and do not backbite. They respect boundaries and obey instructions. They give to help worthy causes and they know when to say thank you. Yes they may not go to Heaven, because they are not born again, but right here on this earth, they will be happier than you believers who are everything negative they are not. 
   
So as you go into the day do not just think of the exciting prospect of liberating France and Europe…the big grand picture. Look at the little little battles the sum total of which will win the war. The little battles you must fight at the very basic and individual level. Not the big things and show offs… but what really matters…the one post you must clear off the way in order to proceed. 

~PG Sebastian~  
Copyrights 2013
All Rights Reserved 
  

Thursday, 9 May 2013

NORMANDY: ARE WE SHOOTING AT DUMMIES?

  
During the D-Day invasion of Europe, in 1944 (one of the major battle theaters being Normandy in France) The Allied Forces sort to take over Nazi occupied France in a brazen amphibious attack and use it as a basis to take over Nazi Occupied Europe. They realized the German fortifications would be difficult to penetrate without any form of diversion.


One of the diversions they used was dropping dummy storm troopers from planes and making them look like real troopers coming down to attack the German positions. The Germans kept their focus on these dummies, and subjected them to heavy artillery fire, ensuring that they did not land. While they were pulverizing the dummies, the real soldiers were landing in other places, some being killed by mines, German artillery fire, in bogs and all that. But the dummies proves useful in getting the Allied forces the diversion they needed to land in Normandy behind the Well Fortified and disciplined German lines. 

As I thought about this, I asked myself... Are we the Germans? Are Christians the Germans? Are families, the Germans? are we shooting at the dummies while the real enemy sneaks in and do damage to us from behind? Are we fighting the wrong people? Are our eyes and energy focused on the wrong issues? Are you fighting with your man or woman, instead of the friend whose advise is creating the rift in your family and relationship? Are you fighting your children's unruliness when you should be fighting your own work habits and lack of time and commitment to their needs and development? Are you fighting God when you are the one who aught to sit down and do some massive introspection? What dummies are we fighting while the real enemies sneak in? 

I understand that in the battle front, we shoot anything that moves and has the semblance of the enemy. But have you thought about it that the enemy could also be smart and create a diversion? Not all things that you hear about your partner may be true and not all happenings your see when they are around certain people could be intentional; remember, it could be deliberately projected to draw your attention and create a drama so that the real enemy would sneak in and do damage. I have heard of people who cheated or left their relationships/marriages because someone came to tell them their partners were cheating...Guess who they ended up with? The same people who came to gossip. I have seen parents literally cursing and washing their hands off their teenage kids because of their stubbornness, forgetting that these kids were raised by DSTv and Computer Games and Her Ladyship - Hannah Montana. 

Not all you see dropping is the enemy, save your bullets and look for the real enemy; do not panic and think of wiping the enemy out at all cost anytime they pop out... for starters, try and see if they are even real. 

~PG Sebastian~ 

(Inspired by Ravi Zacharias)

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Monday, 6 May 2013

BAE SUBMIT TO YOUR NUBIAN PRINCE.... BAE LOVE HER LIKE THE EMPRESS THAT SHE IS

Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives.

If you cannot submit to him, do not marry him. If you cannot love her do not marry her. It is that simple. There are no middle grounds. There will be a time in every marriage where your husband becomes a pain and very bossy. If you know you cannot take instructions from him over time, (Now that you are dating him) do not take it to the next level. There will be a time where she will provoke you and get into your skin so much so that all you feel, when you see her, is anger. If you cannot love her regardless, then do not marry her. 

Avoid settling down with a man or woman out of convenience or without deeper thought about the future. There are realities that are inevitable over time and some of them are the issues of love and submission. For now it is easier to do these things  because the relationship is still young and you are head over heels. But can you sustain it when the relationship becomes mature and real and the worse of each of you is up and out in the open? Can you keep submitting? Can you keep loving? Find someone who, you can bet, will not make it hard for you to submit as a woman, or someone who will not make it hard for you to love as a man....because somehow someday, you will be called to submit or love in the worse of days.

There are no buts and exceptions. To love or submit is a mental issue; if you tune your mind and keep your heart on the greater good, you can submit and love without seeing it as a burden.

Women, marry men you can submit to. Men, marry women you can always love.


~PG Sebastian~

Copyrights 2013. All Rights Reserved.

Friday, 3 May 2013

WHOOP WHOOP! IT'S 30K VIEWS ALREADY!


Whoop whoop!!! PIGIPEDIA Has reached 30,000 views four years after its first publication. Since then we have published 86 articles. The most viewed article is, That Is Why I am Walking Out On Him - A Conversation At A Restaurant - 2,054 views and 65 published comments. Majority of the readers are from the US – 4,861 unique viewers (in terms of unique computer IPs), followed by Ghana 2,062 and then the UK 555. I have had at least one viewer from North Korea. 

To someone this is nothing. To me it means a lot. This is a small blog which is not into politics or finance or fashion or entertainment. It hasn't won any fancy awards or anything like that. It is basically into love, family, relationships and personal development. With only 86 articles in 4 years, it means, on the average, I publish an article every 16 days. I need not tell you of the woefully long articles I write, some as long as 15 A4 pages, littered with teeth gritting typos and grammos. Yet I get people, like you, who make it a point to read, comment, share and send me personal mails some to thank me, others pointing out grammatical errors and some asking questions. 

I know I could not have come this far but for the loyalty of all of you. I guess if no one read the things I wrote, maybe, I would have stopped writing. 

The article which got me writing was the article on Suarez after he engineered our exit from the world cup in 2010. That article got people flooding my blog, and I thought I could sustain it by writing more…so I did. 

Out of this blog, many wonderful things have come my way including the opportunity to write a column for Ghana Newslink….And bumping into my now personal teacher – An associate of John Maxwell – Wilhelmina Holloway.

It has been wonderful moments owning and writing this blog and I would love to thank all of you for walking with me through this journey. I know it just began. I thank you all for this; God bless you all. My special thanks is to Selina Agyei – a cute little Devilish friend of mine (she is actually tall…my height even though I am 1.83m, she is K-legged, has huge eyes and…well let’s not talk about foreheads) who can concoct a story so plausible you will actually believe it; She introduced me to Blogging in 2009. And I thank God for all the grace He has since poured into me to put up all these articles. 

I will accept that not all my articles have sounded normal to some of you. Some are straight-up crazy in taste, but I know when you are doing something that is beyond you or man, some of the outputs will look and sound Crazy to the ordinary mind. I am grateful to God for finding me and using me and giving me the courage to talk about some of the things many people do not find comfortable talking about. 

Ok enough of the sentimental sweet nothings. We have made some few changes to the site to make your interactions with it and me pretty enjoyable and easier. The name is now twisted a little bit from PIGIPEDIA (which happened to be a name for a site for pigs) to PGPEDIA - PG and PEDIA. PGPEDIA... NO NO NO PGPEDIA... PGPEDIA... Exactly, let the Wikipedia sound come out... PGPEDIA...puuurrffect!  Now you do not have to type www.pidgiepaedia.blogspot.com to access it; long winding name that is hard to remember...and absolutely not cool! . It is now simply www.pgpedia.org . Now that is hot...so hot you can blame it for Global warming! Again you do not have to worry about how you can contact me. There is a simple ‘contact me’ form on the left hand sidebar of the site so all you have to do is to fill it out, which takes less than a min to complete, and let me know how I can be of help to you and I will reach out to you back. If you are using a browser that supports Silverlight, you can chat with me live on Skype and Facebook. The general outlook is now lighter and brighter….:). Again the side bars are now two so you can see  most of the important stuff there without scrolling and scrolling and scrolling…..boy it was so booorrrrrinnnnggg back then. You also get to Rate the site or individual articles.

So enjoy PGPEDIA and have fun. 

Once again I would like to thank you all for making PGPEDIA a blissful experience.

Thank you! Long live PGPedia and Long live you!.    

~PG Sebastian~