Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Tuesday, 23 April 2013


“I say today we go mess you people up!” Kofi said almost poking his finger in Robert's eyes.  “Ah we want team make them score Barca ah you say Chelsea. What you dey talk about”

“Massa abi we all dey here!” Robert responded equally enthusiastic; carrying the spirit of the dimly lit room with him. The pub was buzzing and pulsing; drinks overflowing as groups of young men argued over the ultimate outcome of the match between FC Barcelona and the English Side Chelsea.

“Make we bet! You wan bet?” Kofi said getting off his seat and pulling out an impressively stuffed wallet from his back pocket. “I go put this wallet for top! Ah what you dey talk about? This bi the wallet. Make you bring your own. I say today we go whack Chelsea make you go run off the pitch. Mention proper name make I shiver ah you dey here dey tell me say Lampard! Aahh you no dey shy saf? Why you bi kiddy you take your head wack ground or what? You fool waa!

“But you people who you get for your team inside?” Robert retorted taking the argument personal. “Messi so what?”

“Ah but you know sey Messi alone go fit play your best 11 on the pitch…He alone. Abi you know?” Kofi Teased Robert with Messi’s soccer prowess.

“Kwasia see the nkwaseas3m e dey tell me. You fool k3k3” Robert said mildly annoyed.
“That bi the fact!” Kofi said, enjoying what he was doing.

Wey fact! You know Lampard e experience? Massa make you no waste my time! I say we all dey here. You dey talk like your balls dey your head inside. You fit compare Barca to Chelsea?
“We go see” Kofi said confidently. “Just Chock it small.”

“Abi 15 minutes no far” Robert responded equally confident in his team.

Quaffz Pub was getting full with soccer fans from all over Accra. The noise was so much no one noticed the argument between Kofi and Robert. Everyone was arguing in support of their team.

“Obooo Puni!” Kofi burst out in a torrent of excitement as Paul entered the pub, looking cool and ‘self-aware’ “Obooo Puni! “Obooooooo PUNI! PU PU NI” Kofi pulled his brown and very dirty face towel waving it over Paul, who was also a Barca Supporter.  It was the Champions league semi Finals.

“Yo yo yo!” That’s me, player!" Paul responded enjoying every bit of the attention Kofi’s excitement was giving him. It was, however, more of his perfume, height and suave features which drew attention from the few ladies around to him.

“Oboooo Puni!”

He paused in his steps, looked over his left shoulders and then the right one. “Yup! That’s me right here dawg! Straight up!”

“Poma Puni!!!

“Nooo body like me player! I run things!”

“Kwasia boy! Where you go dey?” That was Robert’s welcome. “Why you switch off your phone?”
“Massa, wo y3 korasini anaa? You no know say then I make busy!”

“Abi then you dey do the girl!” Robert asked, suddenly repulsed by Paul’s compulsive womanizing.
“Which of them?” Paul asked casually.

“You fool waa; commot for there. That bi all you know do. So so women!” Kofi Put soccer aside and chided Paul. 

“Why you figure sey God give me the THING sey make I take play golf or what? It was for do-ment, people, it was to do the do! And I do not intend to disappoint God in the least.” Paul said without a moment consideration. “Oya, Make I think. What you broke asses go suck? It’s on me! Cash no ab3t3 rough!” 
“So who was it this time?” Robert asked genuinely wondering who Paul’s casualty was this time around.
Paul looked at Kofi with a sly smile on his face.

“Idiot, why are you looking at me?” Kofi asked Paul, mildly disgusted by him. “He asked you a question, answer.”

“I was only wondering if he really wants to know” Paul said still smiling.

“Well as long as it is not my girlfriend  or sister.” Robert trying to sound detached.

“You don’t even mind that it could be someone’s girlfriend?” Paul asked rhetorically.

“If you do not see anything wrong with it, why should someone be burdened by it?” Kofi threw it at him. “As if you have been cursed to sleep with people’s girlfriends.”
“What are you saying?” Paul asked giving that notion a deeper thought. “I sleep with people’s girlfriends?”
“Did he have water in his mouth?” Robert retorted.
“I don’t sleep with people’s girlfriends; I sleep with cheap, weak willed, immoral, loose women. That is who I sleep with. As to whether they are people’s girlfriends or not, that is my back case.”
“You can actually describe women you sleep with as cheap, and immoral.” Kofi stated, every bit disappointed that that it could come from a guy who puts himself out to be a gentleman.

“Yea that is what they are. Because clearly if they are morally upright and place any value on themselves, they would not be with people they proclaim they love and deceive the world into believing so, and in the cover of darkness, or in the cloak of distance and anonymity come and spread their legs in my bed or invite me over into theirs.” Paul viciously defended himself.

“It is what you tell them!” Robert cried out. “You lead them on”

“Oh cut the crap Massa. I only seek my interest. Yes I am selfish. I please myself. But I don’t think I threatened any of them…I don’t think I pulled a gun on any of them to give in. They fell for it; my words. And you know... I can give you guys a few tips on WOOING WOMEN 101” Paul said with a voice laced with Sarcasm.

“And are you not supposed to know better? Do you not respect boundaries? These women have boyfriends” Robert Challenged him.

“Boundaries? Maybe their boyfriends and husbands should strengthen their boundaries.”
“Husband?!!!” Kofi caught the word in full force. “Oh my God!”
“What can I say…." Paul said with a Shrug.

“What can you say? You sleep with married women too?” Kofi blurted out.

“Calm down son, it's just sex not a nuclear holocaust. And in any case, that is what you get when we have 25s and 26s getting married without a clue about what they are getting into. That is what you get when these little minded people get married and they think it is only sex and roses, champagnes and tours until they get disillusioned and suddenly start thinking maybe marriage was not a good idea after all” Paul justified himself.

“What are you saying?” Robert asked surprised any man could be that callous. “Are you saying That you take advantage of Married women who are finding their footings in their marriages?”

“Well I won’t describe my benevolence in such demeaning words. No.” Paul explained. “I tell them what their busy husbands are not telling them. I take disillusioned wives, tell them what they want to hear, take them to where they want to go, do for them what they want and try not to do to them what they do not want. And most often, it is very little they want from their men…but well…as you all know… men want to be men…I try to be human. And in my humanity, these helpless ladies I have helped…find very gratifying ways of thanking me…”

“You are disgusting!” Robert said, shaking his head.

“I know…. But at least I am honest about it. I do not pretend to be a good friend with my ex and sleep with her when her boyfriend has accepted me as brother and a good friend.

“That is complicated than you think” Kofi retorted angrily.

“Really? How complicated? You broke up with this girl after you met Joan, so why can’t you let her go? You know she is vulnerable around you yet you deliberately keep in touch. And anytime you have problems with Joan, you ran to her and bed her till she starts thinking there is a future with you. Do you know how that is also impacting on her relationship? Well lemme tell you; anytime she is with you she start acting up on her boyfriend. Can we count the number of times she threatened to break up with the guy? And it is all because of you.”

“Ah what is this guy talking about” Kofi said feebly.

“Massa make I talk” Paul said calculatedly. “You know you do not intend to marry her. This guy is serious about her. Why are you making her sway? Please do not lecture me on morality. If you want real faces to the issues, look at your own face in the mirror!”

“Paul, all you are saying about Kofi could be true.” Robert started in frank voice.

“It is true, not could be true.” Paul stated in correction.

“Yes…granted…but it is just one person not a bunch of countless…

“One girl is a human being…a woman…it does not make her less countable and therefore negligible in the statistics.” Paul countered. "I have lost count, you have got the count; but we are all in skirts that do not belong to us."

“Well, still the point remains that this is getting out of hand. You expose yourself and the women you sleep with to all manner of diseases."

“Well you gotta deal with it Kofi. Like I said, I am not responsible for the actions of a man who cannot show his girlfriend enough love, attention, emotional care and  take a little bit of time out of his busy schedule to check up on her. Am not gonna be a moral tinker on people’s loopholes. If your girlfriend falls for me because I am romantic, caring and sweet, I will bed her over and again as long as she keeps coming for more and stupidly believe she can tie me down. Do I look like I care about any heartbreak? Or I look like the kind of guy who is ready to settle down now. Let us face it, some women can be very stupid to still believe in fantasies and close their eyes where every eye must be wide open.”

“You need help!” Robert said resignedly.

“Robert? Me… When was the last time you had sex? Three weeks ago? How long have you gone out with Becky? one year?” Paul was visibly upset. 

“What has….” Robert attempted to stop Paul fearing what was coming.

No no no listen to me…Make I finish” Paul stopped Robert from interrupting him.

“Yes I am listening”

“I remember you telling us that you guys are going it ‘no sex before marriage’. I am putting it to you; either you are sleeping with her or you are sleeping behind her. And I can bet my last pesewa on it that you are not sleeping with her. So who is this lady? Or ladies?” 

“What are you talking about?” Robert asked visibly dazed after that unexpected spill over from Paul

“Am talking about you hypocrites who pretend to agree to ladies’ proposal of ‘no marriage no sex’ yet go behind them to sleep with other girls, making them believe you understand them and that you are being faithful to them.”

“Oh like you did with Vida?” Kofi attempted to nail Paul.

“Vida? Seriously? Vida was different” Paul said unperturbed.

“How different?” Robert asked

“When Vida said no sex before marriage, I told her I could not handle it. She loved me and begged me to understand. So anytime I wanted sex and she denied me, we argued, fought and broke up. That technically meant we were not together right? That freed me to go and bed some other girl. Simple. And by the time she comes begging, I would have had my full share of this other girl to last me a month or more. I accept her and leave this other girl and come back to her. That is how different mine was. No cheating. Anything I do out of a relationship is not cheating, is it? You see, I am not just a charmer; I am also smart. Medaase!”

“You are evil.” Kofi said.

“Yes I am the devil. I have horns, a cute wiggly tail and red in the face. At least I look it. Not a ravenous wolf in some stupid ass sheep skin!” Paul said dismissing the notion that he was beyond moral salvage.

“Massa, we we dey tell you. You go fit listen or not. It is up to you.”

“Save the effort. You will need it.” Paul rubbished Kofi’s plea. “I do not intend to stop the way I live. It is the best thing that happened to me.”

“I don’t get you.” Robert said. “You slept with Joe Pinto’s Girl when she came to share her problems with you. Yes we all did not know him well then, but the lady trusted in you and come to you.

“And I did not rape her if my memory serves me right. Look it is only a dumb man or woman who will go and talk to someone of the opposite sex when they are facing problems in their relationship! Do I need to tell you that is a recipe for disaster? Am I a pastor? Do I look like a counselor? Me, when you come to me, we will talk like friends. I will tell you what I think and if you fall for me, well remember, I do not have any training in KTD…as in ‘Keeping the distance.’ If you want someone to talk to, go and talk to PG Sebastian or Uncle Ebo; or someone, not me. Me, like all of you and most men and women, if you bring your relationship problems to me…and I find you to be my taste, I will pretend to advise you…and consciously or unconsciously vilify your partner, make you fall for me and take my cut. Ad3n M'egyimi? 

“Not all men are like you.” Robert said

“I do not dispute that…but you said NOT ALL MEN…so you see…there are some like me…and it might interest you to know…we are a lot. Men taking over other people’s women…women taking over other people’s men…keep playing the naïve one and see if we will not show you which season to plant corn.

“And to think about it... what is it koraa about you? Kwasia like you. Every woman dey feel you.” Kofi said giving Paul a mild smack on his head.

“ME? Nothing. I do not play the judge. I tell them what their itchy ears want to hear even if it is taking them to their graves, as long as I get what I want. They think their partners, being firm and blunt, are the enemies…well the enemy is the one who patronizes you.”

“So you are the enemy then”

Look guys…I am not the one with the problem here? And I do not think any of you think you are the cause of whatever sexual impropriety you are engaged in? Women are their own enemies.

Last time I checked most of these issues with men being unfaithful was not in the domain of men who were using money or their position to sleep with other women. Most of these men have nothing. Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it. Behind every man cheating on his partner is another woman giving in to him.

“I do not agree to that.” Robert said. “Some women do not know these men are not in relationships or marriages”

“Do I look like I give two rat butts about what you agree to and what you do not?” Paul said arrogantly. “How many women leave their men when they find out that these men have other women?” Oh I have fallen for him I can’t let him go. Oh I have to fight for him to show my love. And well, the man gets so proud of himself that he has two women fighting over him. And how many women even take time to investigate the background of the men who come into their lives. They take every word we say on the face value. How many even ask questions when we tell them the most ridiculous of all lies? Have you heard of the principle of Caveat Emptor? Let the buyer beware. They did not say let the seller beware. Thank you.” 

“You are too smart, don’t waste it.” Kofi said.

My friend, don’t patronize me. Esi knows of Joan; why does she keep giving in to you? Who is the evil person here? You? I don’t think so. It is Esi. And why is that? Because of some stupid belief that you will leave Joan for her. A class two kid can tell you that if you love me, leave her first, then you can have me”.

“I don’t think I am a bad person…” Paul said, thought about it for a second and changed his impression of himself. “Ok I am…as a Mass Server; I shouldn’t do the Choristers and the pastors daughters and all that… But I think I am a living proof that nature abhors vacuum…when you leave a vacuum in your life….someone will occupy it.

Ok philosopher, can we watch our game…they just started. I only wish men and women will know how people like you think.

After thoughts

  1. Will you say Paul is making valid points? If yes explain, if no, explain.
  2. How true is the view that 'Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it. Behind every man cheating on his partner is another woman giving in to him.'
  3. Do you know any 'Kofi' around you?
  4. Do you know any Robert Around you?
  5. How can women avoid falling prey to men like Paul?