Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Friday, 5 April 2013


The Decision to cheat on one's partner is a grave one and must not be taken lightly, or as a random act due to some unresolved bouts of bitterness or ongoing canker of mistrust, disappointment or disillusionment.

Many people cheat on their partners in a passive way; they get carried away by outside enticements and fall for them. Others carry out this act in a more proactive way by actually setting the tone for it and making sure that they get to be with someone else other than  their partners, because of an offence.

Hard as it may be for people to accept this second group of cheaters, I believe those who are embittered or angered or disappointed in their partners and have gotten to this point, where getting even is contemplated, will appreciate what I am talking about.

Some in this group of cheaters (who are different from those who cheat out of weak moral fabric) will sleep with others because their partners cheated on them and therefore they feel they must get even with them. Others feel their partners are not giving them what they want  (sexually and in some cases materially or emotionally); in the quantity or quality they want it. These people then make the effort at getting it from outside. Others even cheat on their partners just to get their attention. They feel the only way to get their attention is when their partners realise they are losing them.

I cannot enumerate all the reasons that push people into this universally unacceptable behaviour, but these few things I would like to share with you all.

Firstly, when you cheat on your partner with the view to getting even, because of their actions, you must necessarily make that act of cheating count by making it known to them that you have also gone out to someone else. If you cannot do that, then guess who lost? You. And the reason is pretty simple; the one you are seeking to get even with is not even aware of what you have done. Some other woman or man, you might probably not be in love with, has bedded you in exchange for some cheap transient thrill. And for all time, you will be his or her cheap bed mate.

The question is, 'why would I feel cheated if I don't know you cheated on me?' And if you dare tell your partner you cheated them, no matter how justified you may feel in taking that action, (and there is not no justification for infidelity) you are most like going to be dumped for; 1. not loving them enough to forgive and 2. setting a fearful precedence of having a retaliatory tendency. Even worse, if you ever tell them you cheated or if they find out, (and they don't dump you) the spirit of the relationship will die and you may become sex buddies; having empty sex with each other and with others, without anyone having the moral courage to rein the other in. 'Abi you started it? Me too I am continuing.' 

I must clarify that, I am not saying people cannot completely forgive their partners' infidelity and therefore if they feel the need to confess, they must discard it. Some people can forgive and accept their partners back and totally let go of the disloyalty; they will only feel betrayed and a measure of trust would be tampered with. I would prefer you confess and face the consequences than to hide it and be found out later on. (I, however like this better; don't do it at all)

Secondly, to cheat or not to cheat is a personal issue; and for those of you who play along the fringes and within the inner parameters of religion and spirituality, especially the Judo-Christian Religions, it is a subject which directly affect one's relationship with his or her Maker. Sexual relationship out of wedlock is a sin. That is very clear in most religions; and as a Christian, I take it from my Holy Text. So you are in sin if you are sexually active with someone you are not married to. Therefore if for any reason, your partner offends you in anyway, and the only way you find most appropriate is to cheat on them, then I believe it is not really cheating on them, but rather, it is the first point I made (you cheating on yourself) plus you getting at the wrong side of God's law. So before you decide to tow that path, ask yourself if your partner is worth making you lose favour with God and blocking the blessings that come with being in His Will.

Thirdly, We all get angry and wish we could express it in many ways; but ask yourself how it would feel like, if after your anger or frustration or disappointment or anything that might have triggered the desire to cheat, you find that you still love your partner? How would you feel if after all that, you realise that after all, you were also part of the problem? How would you feel seeing someone you cheated with, happily enjoying life, probably with their partner, while you alone deal with the pain of having to mend your relationship and trying very hard to forget that you ever did a very foolish thing as cheating? How would it feel seeing the one you truly love, and having forgiven them for everything they did to you, you are unable to forgive yourself for what you did to them behind them...Something they do not know...something against God...Something someone did for free and has no guilt whatsoever.

Finally, Sex leads to soul ties and I would not speak a lot about it as I have written an article on it which you can click here to read. It is enough that you are sexually bonded to someone you are not married to; but to be bonded to two people simultaneously out of wedlock is like running your soul down a shredder.

I have always said that we do not know how much we have wasted our time and lives until we meet people we truly love and realise that we have given our best to the wrong people all this while. This realization comes when we we become aware of the fact that we are not at our best; we are not what we used to be.

Life is full of regrets, and choices we make today can have haunting repercussions years down the road. Like any sweet thing that leaves a bitter taste afterwards, we always leave the bitter part of our rash decisions for the future that is yet to unravel.

When you meet someone you love; be faithful to them and love them. When they offend you, do not seek to pay them back in their own coins; some paybacks are too costly and they may have collateral damage you may later regret. Do not get into the mud with a pig just to prove that you can fight back. Sometimes the best way to fight a pig is to let it know you are too neat to get into the quagmire.

No amount of reasons can justify infidelity; it is a sign of moral weakness and emotional indiscipline. I will not speak as though there are only certain kinds of people it befalls. We are all at risk and at various stages in our lives; whether married or dating, we get to that point where we face the temptation... David looked, thought about it, inquired and then sinned, and sinned more to cover the original sin. JOSEPH FLED WHEN FACED WITH THAT PROSPECT, KNOWING HE WOULD RATHER RAN NAKED IN BODY AND CLOTHED IN MORALITY THAN TO BEG FOR HIS CLOTHES AND END UP DEALING WITH NAKED MORALS.

Another man's woman? Another Woman's man? Please just walk away. It does not matter how often you have trespassed; just walk away this time around.

¬PG Sebastian¬