Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Friday, 26 April 2013

NATURE ABHORS VACUUM...SO DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP.


I am a very practical person and I look at many things from a practical perspective. I believe that we must look at our relationships with a good deal of pragmatism and through a rolled-up-sleeve attitude. No pain no gain. Nothing in any relationship or marriage grows on a tree and dealing with another person is not a simple matter that gets done lying in a couch day dreaming and wearing big titles like necklaces.

Nature abhors vacuum. A man or woman must make sure that they fill their partner’s life till there is no place for another person. People say you must give your partner space or they will grow tired of you. I have also found out on the other side of the situation, where someone is giving a partner space, and the partner in question is taking it that their partner is detached and does not seem concerned again. In a situation like this, no doubt, we must act reasonably. Not too much gap and not too much close-marking.

The only problem is how do we define what is reasonably close? Remember John’s idea of wanting Becky to be close, is the Becky’s impression of John attempting to tie her to himself. Again Regina’s impression of George giving her space is for George not to call during working hours but to text as many times as he could. The perception of space differ from individual to individual and therefore the best way around it is to discuss it. HOW DO YOU WANT US TO RELATE? TELL ME. How many calls a day is too much, for instance. Discuss everything that is a contention. Most often, after hearing people out, I realise all they need to do is to talk to their partners and end the discontinuousness in their relationship. Talk to them.

Now let me come back to the essence of what this article is about. All I am saying is that, if you do not position yourself in a strategic way, you might have all the titles in the world as far as your partner is concerned but someone else would be making much impact in their lives. I would rather I am accused of being around too much than not being around at all and not knowing what is going on.

Everybody thought the woman with the alabaster box was pushing the boundaries, but the one benefitting from it (Jesus) asked them, ‘Which one of you criticizing her has done even an inch of what she is doing?’ The woman took an unrestrained step knowing what was in it for her. What is in it for you and what steps have you taken about it? He is not just a man in your life; he is your husband and a better half! What are you doing to make him yours? What are you doing to keep him forever? She is not one of your many female acquaintances; she is your wife, your better half. What are you doing to make her look at you only and not another man regardless of what this other man brings to the table? People will tell you, “wo kyer3bi di3” But you know what that man or woman is worth to you and what you must do to keep them. Some of the decisions will even seem stupid in your own eyes, but if you know what you have, you will be willing to do the unthinkable to keep it.

There was a time Jesus was informed that His family was out there seeking audience with him. He looked startled and asked the people around who His family was. He told them, his family was not the one that sits at home bragging about a family member who is doing wonders in the country side, healing the sick, raising the dead and casting out demons….His family was not that family that once in a while, when it suits them, will visit and send him a post card that read, ‘we miss you JC, but don’t stress yourself too much. With love from us in sunny Galilee J’. That was not his family. His family was made up of the people around, those who were being heckled together with him; those He starved with and slept under the open skies in the dead of the winter night with. His family was made up of the people He broke bread with and fellowshipped with. Not some fancy clothed and title wearing folks.

So as you read this, do you think you have a true family in your partner? When was the last time you had any meaningful conversation with them about their jobs or their health or their passion. When was the last time you took it upon yourself to call their family members to check up on them without being told to? When was the last time you had to stop everything that meant something to you so you could fulfill an obligation that meant something to them?


I bet they are even your friends online, but you only visit their profile to see the particular person who keeps commenting on or liking their status updates, and then fight them over it. You only comment on their mistakes and statuses that are not appropriate.  I bet your partner has a calling on his or her life, and as sad as it may be, you were the first person to talk them out of it. You were the first person to ridicule them and belittle the dream. Yes you may have your reasons…good reasons really. But Jesus’ family also had theirs, except it still did not change the reality – others had taken up the role of a family and they met all His needs as far as a family was concerned.

How interested are you in the totality of his or her life. Today if your partner was to talk to someone you do not know and they are to be honest about it, would you be seen as someone who is so interested in their business? Do not just look at it from a very limited perspective; pick the issues one after the other and see your degree of interest in them. How interested are you in their spiritual life, in their academic life, in their finances, in their social activities and the myriads of areas you can be interested. How involved are you?

If someone can make your partner laugh more them you make them, make them feel safer and secure about themselves more than you do for them and make them look forward to each day, dressing and getting ready for the day knowing that someone will compliment them, give them a reason to believe in something, then you have lost and that person has won. Yes you may be the Mister or the Mrs, but your partner lives and breathe because of someone else. Someone else gives them a reason to continue to press on with their dream, vision, education, spiritual life and many more. You may have a title and a body, someone has the rest.

You have lost it if you are not the name that comes up often when your partner has to make a decision. You are lost if they have to call someone when they have work related issues, spiritual issues, financial issues, emotional issues or simple issues of guidance.

Like I said, you can have your reasons, that may seem so plausible your partner may even applaud you, but in the final analysis, no reason will suffice; were you there or you left your place for someone else. Do you think that those with failing marriages did not have reasons? They did, only those reasons could not fly.

Nature abhors vacuum, we are not meant to be alone. Do not let your partner drift away; no, do not let them out of your sight.

Be indispensable and do not care what they say. I have not heard people leave their partners because they were always available and around…it is the other way round. 

You can share this with a friend.

PG Sebastian 
2013

Thursday, 25 April 2013

THE DIARY OF AN ELECTION PETITION OBSERVER


The year is 2031. 

This is DAY 6,570 in the Court Hearing of the Case Brought against the Former President of Ghana, the Late John Dramani Mahama and the EC over the 2012 election results. I am in my 50s. Dr. Bawumia, now a fat man, who struggles to breathe and can barely see, is still in the Box and Tony Lithur is asking the Doctor about his fabled Pink sheets. The President in question, as I indicated, is very much Dead – Died in his sleep after serving two terms. His predecessor has also served his full two terms and is now a UN Special envoy for The Free and Fair Elections for Africa Initiative. A new election has been held and the current president is two years into his tenure. 

Britain is now a republic. The American Homegrown terrorists seem unstoppable…they even have their own UAV or drones. The Germans have allied themselves with the Asian Tigers and the rest of Europe is nothing to write home about. They are always with something Crunchy - Credit crunch and the lot. All of Africa Speaks Chinese. 

In Ghana, everything has stopped. and the Media is silent on the rampant workers strikes because they are glued to the Court hearings. What they don't know is no one is watching or listening because there is no light. We thought the Nigerians could supply Gas but they are yet to honour their pledge. Water is barely flowing. Everyone is playing the blame game and people who have been appointed to fix the problem are complaining about the problem they are to fix. They are singing the same song others sang before them. If it was that song we wanted to hear, why didn’t they keep the old people there?

The Opposition Candidate who felt strongly about his chances in the Election of 2012, is very old and frail. He, however, has decided not to give in. He has sat through all the court proceedings since it started in 2013. They have not allowed him to speak. He cannot walk without aid, talk or hear properly. His vision is still good.

Today we also celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Death of the Former President of the republic. A man who inspired many Ghanaians in his days. His policies were controversial to many and on point to others. People love him for his boom speeches...others love him for his cool sexy eyes that always followed the ladies around.

It has been a hectic day, diary, as I had to crawl from one place to another due to the bad roads. There was once a fast road called the Motor way. Now there is a slum along it…bigger than Sodom and Gomorrah was in 2013. Everybody is fixated on the pink sheeps…pardon me…Think Sheets.. Oh dear…I mean the Pink sheets and their inconsistent serial numbers that we have all forgotten that the nation has more pressing needs than this so called democratic exercise. Yes an exercise it is. 

Let us go to bed diary; Old Man Lithur, has assured us that he will be done with his cross examination next two years, just in time for the next elections… 

Me

  

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

PREDATORS


“I say today we go mess you people up!” Kofi said almost poking his finger in Robert's eyes.  “Ah we want team make them score Barca ah you say Chelsea. What you dey talk about”

“Massa abi we all dey here!” Robert responded equally enthusiastic; carrying the spirit of the dimly lit room with him. The pub was buzzing and pulsing; drinks overflowing as groups of young men argued over the ultimate outcome of the match between FC Barcelona and the English Side Chelsea.

“Make we bet! You wan bet?” Kofi said getting off his seat and pulling out an impressively stuffed wallet from his back pocket. “I go put this wallet for top! Ah what you dey talk about? This bi the wallet. Make you bring your own. I say today we go whack Chelsea make you go run off the pitch. Mention proper name make I shiver ah you dey here dey tell me say Lampard! Aahh you no dey shy saf? Why you bi kiddy you take your head wack ground or what? You fool waa!

“But you people who you get for your team inside?” Robert retorted taking the argument personal. “Messi so what?”

“Ah but you know sey Messi alone go fit play your best 11 on the pitch…He alone. Abi you know?” Kofi Teased Robert with Messi’s soccer prowess.

“Kwasia see the nkwaseas3m e dey tell me. You fool k3k3” Robert said mildly annoyed.
“That bi the fact!” Kofi said, enjoying what he was doing.

Wey fact! You know Lampard e experience? Massa make you no waste my time! I say we all dey here. You dey talk like your balls dey your head inside. You fit compare Barca to Chelsea?
“We go see” Kofi said confidently. “Just Chock it small.”

“Abi 15 minutes no far” Robert responded equally confident in his team.

Quaffz Pub was getting full with soccer fans from all over Accra. The noise was so much no one noticed the argument between Kofi and Robert. Everyone was arguing in support of their team.

“Obooo Puni!” Kofi burst out in a torrent of excitement as Paul entered the pub, looking cool and ‘self-aware’ “Obooo Puni! “Obooooooo PUNI! PU PU NI” Kofi pulled his brown and very dirty face towel waving it over Paul, who was also a Barca Supporter.  It was the Champions league semi Finals.

“Yo yo yo!” That’s me, player!" Paul responded enjoying every bit of the attention Kofi’s excitement was giving him. It was, however, more of his perfume, height and suave features which drew attention from the few ladies around to him.

“Oboooo Puni!”

He paused in his steps, looked over his left shoulders and then the right one. “Yup! That’s me right here dawg! Straight up!”

“Poma Puni!!!

“Nooo body like me player! I run things!”

“Kwasia boy! Where you go dey?” That was Robert’s welcome. “Why you switch off your phone?”
“Massa, wo y3 korasini anaa? You no know say then I make busy!”

“Abi then you dey do the girl!” Robert asked, suddenly repulsed by Paul’s compulsive womanizing.
“Which of them?” Paul asked casually.

“You fool waa; commot for there. That bi all you know do. So so women!” Kofi Put soccer aside and chided Paul. 

“Why you figure sey God give me the THING sey make I take play golf or what? It was for do-ment, people, it was to do the do! And I do not intend to disappoint God in the least.” Paul said without a moment consideration. “Oya, Make I think. What you broke asses go suck? It’s on me! Cash no ab3t3 rough!” 
“So who was it this time?” Robert asked genuinely wondering who Paul’s casualty was this time around.
Paul looked at Kofi with a sly smile on his face.

“Idiot, why are you looking at me?” Kofi asked Paul, mildly disgusted by him. “He asked you a question, answer.”

“I was only wondering if he really wants to know” Paul said still smiling.

“Well as long as it is not my girlfriend  or sister.” Robert trying to sound detached.

“You don’t even mind that it could be someone’s girlfriend?” Paul asked rhetorically.

“If you do not see anything wrong with it, why should someone be burdened by it?” Kofi threw it at him. “As if you have been cursed to sleep with people’s girlfriends.”
“What are you saying?” Paul asked giving that notion a deeper thought. “I sleep with people’s girlfriends?”
“Did he have water in his mouth?” Robert retorted.
“I don’t sleep with people’s girlfriends; I sleep with cheap, weak willed, immoral, loose women. That is who I sleep with. As to whether they are people’s girlfriends or not, that is my back case.”
“You can actually describe women you sleep with as cheap, and immoral.” Kofi stated, every bit disappointed that that it could come from a guy who puts himself out to be a gentleman.

“Yea that is what they are. Because clearly if they are morally upright and place any value on themselves, they would not be with people they proclaim they love and deceive the world into believing so, and in the cover of darkness, or in the cloak of distance and anonymity come and spread their legs in my bed or invite me over into theirs.” Paul viciously defended himself.

“It is what you tell them!” Robert cried out. “You lead them on”

“Oh cut the crap Massa. I only seek my interest. Yes I am selfish. I please myself. But I don’t think I threatened any of them…I don’t think I pulled a gun on any of them to give in. They fell for it; my words. And you know... I can give you guys a few tips on WOOING WOMEN 101” Paul said with a voice laced with Sarcasm.

“And are you not supposed to know better? Do you not respect boundaries? These women have boyfriends” Robert Challenged him.

“Boundaries? Maybe their boyfriends and husbands should strengthen their boundaries.”
“Husband?!!!” Kofi caught the word in full force. “Oh my God!”
“What can I say…." Paul said with a Shrug.

“What can you say? You sleep with married women too?” Kofi blurted out.

“Calm down son, it's just sex not a nuclear holocaust. And in any case, that is what you get when we have 25s and 26s getting married without a clue about what they are getting into. That is what you get when these little minded people get married and they think it is only sex and roses, champagnes and tours until they get disillusioned and suddenly start thinking maybe marriage was not a good idea after all” Paul justified himself.

“What are you saying?” Robert asked surprised any man could be that callous. “Are you saying That you take advantage of Married women who are finding their footings in their marriages?”

“Well I won’t describe my benevolence in such demeaning words. No.” Paul explained. “I tell them what their busy husbands are not telling them. I take disillusioned wives, tell them what they want to hear, take them to where they want to go, do for them what they want and try not to do to them what they do not want. And most often, it is very little they want from their men…but well…as you all know… men want to be men…I try to be human. And in my humanity, these helpless ladies I have helped…find very gratifying ways of thanking me…”

“You are disgusting!” Robert said, shaking his head.

“I know…. But at least I am honest about it. I do not pretend to be a good friend with my ex and sleep with her when her boyfriend has accepted me as brother and a good friend.

“That is complicated than you think” Kofi retorted angrily.

“Really? How complicated? You broke up with this girl after you met Joan, so why can’t you let her go? You know she is vulnerable around you yet you deliberately keep in touch. And anytime you have problems with Joan, you ran to her and bed her till she starts thinking there is a future with you. Do you know how that is also impacting on her relationship? Well lemme tell you; anytime she is with you she start acting up on her boyfriend. Can we count the number of times she threatened to break up with the guy? And it is all because of you.”

“Ah what is this guy talking about” Kofi said feebly.

“Massa make I talk” Paul said calculatedly. “You know you do not intend to marry her. This guy is serious about her. Why are you making her sway? Please do not lecture me on morality. If you want real faces to the issues, look at your own face in the mirror!”

“Paul, all you are saying about Kofi could be true.” Robert started in frank voice.

“It is true, not could be true.” Paul stated in correction.

“Yes…granted…but it is just one person not a bunch of countless…

“One girl is a human being…a woman…it does not make her less countable and therefore negligible in the statistics.” Paul countered. "I have lost count, you have got the count; but we are all in skirts that do not belong to us."

“Well, still the point remains that this is getting out of hand. You expose yourself and the women you sleep with to all manner of diseases."

“Well you gotta deal with it Kofi. Like I said, I am not responsible for the actions of a man who cannot show his girlfriend enough love, attention, emotional care and  take a little bit of time out of his busy schedule to check up on her. Am not gonna be a moral tinker on people’s loopholes. If your girlfriend falls for me because I am romantic, caring and sweet, I will bed her over and again as long as she keeps coming for more and stupidly believe she can tie me down. Do I look like I care about any heartbreak? Or I look like the kind of guy who is ready to settle down now. Let us face it, some women can be very stupid to still believe in fantasies and close their eyes where every eye must be wide open.”

“You need help!” Robert said resignedly.

“Robert? Me… When was the last time you had sex? Three weeks ago? How long have you gone out with Becky? one year?” Paul was visibly upset. 

“What has….” Robert attempted to stop Paul fearing what was coming.

No no no listen to me…Make I finish” Paul stopped Robert from interrupting him.

“Yes I am listening”

“I remember you telling us that you guys are going it ‘no sex before marriage’. I am putting it to you; either you are sleeping with her or you are sleeping behind her. And I can bet my last pesewa on it that you are not sleeping with her. So who is this lady? Or ladies?” 

“What are you talking about?” Robert asked visibly dazed after that unexpected spill over from Paul

“Am talking about you hypocrites who pretend to agree to ladies’ proposal of ‘no marriage no sex’ yet go behind them to sleep with other girls, making them believe you understand them and that you are being faithful to them.”

“Oh like you did with Vida?” Kofi attempted to nail Paul.

“Vida? Seriously? Vida was different” Paul said unperturbed.

“How different?” Robert asked

“When Vida said no sex before marriage, I told her I could not handle it. She loved me and begged me to understand. So anytime I wanted sex and she denied me, we argued, fought and broke up. That technically meant we were not together right? That freed me to go and bed some other girl. Simple. And by the time she comes begging, I would have had my full share of this other girl to last me a month or more. I accept her and leave this other girl and come back to her. That is how different mine was. No cheating. Anything I do out of a relationship is not cheating, is it? You see, I am not just a charmer; I am also smart. Medaase!”

“You are evil.” Kofi said.

“Yes I am the devil. I have horns, a cute wiggly tail and red in the face. At least I look it. Not a ravenous wolf in some stupid ass sheep skin!” Paul said dismissing the notion that he was beyond moral salvage.

“Massa, we we dey tell you. You go fit listen or not. It is up to you.”

“Save the effort. You will need it.” Paul rubbished Kofi’s plea. “I do not intend to stop the way I live. It is the best thing that happened to me.”

“I don’t get you.” Robert said. “You slept with Joe Pinto’s Girl when she came to share her problems with you. Yes we all did not know him well then, but the lady trusted in you and come to you.

“And I did not rape her if my memory serves me right. Look it is only a dumb man or woman who will go and talk to someone of the opposite sex when they are facing problems in their relationship! Do I need to tell you that is a recipe for disaster? Am I a pastor? Do I look like a counselor? Me, when you come to me, we will talk like friends. I will tell you what I think and if you fall for me, well remember, I do not have any training in KTD…as in ‘Keeping the distance.’ If you want someone to talk to, go and talk to PG Sebastian or Uncle Ebo; or someone, not me. Me, like all of you and most men and women, if you bring your relationship problems to me…and I find you to be my taste, I will pretend to advise you…and consciously or unconsciously vilify your partner, make you fall for me and take my cut. Ad3n M'egyimi? 

“Not all men are like you.” Robert said

“I do not dispute that…but you said NOT ALL MEN…so you see…there are some like me…and it might interest you to know…we are a lot. Men taking over other people’s women…women taking over other people’s men…keep playing the na├»ve one and see if we will not show you which season to plant corn.

“And to think about it... what is it koraa about you? Kwasia like you. Every woman dey feel you.” Kofi said giving Paul a mild smack on his head.

“ME? Nothing. I do not play the judge. I tell them what their itchy ears want to hear even if it is taking them to their graves, as long as I get what I want. They think their partners, being firm and blunt, are the enemies…well the enemy is the one who patronizes you.”

“So you are the enemy then”

Look guys…I am not the one with the problem here? And I do not think any of you think you are the cause of whatever sexual impropriety you are engaged in? Women are their own enemies.

Last time I checked most of these issues with men being unfaithful was not in the domain of men who were using money or their position to sleep with other women. Most of these men have nothing. Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it. Behind every man cheating on his partner is another woman giving in to him.

“I do not agree to that.” Robert said. “Some women do not know these men are not in relationships or marriages”

“Do I look like I give two rat butts about what you agree to and what you do not?” Paul said arrogantly. “How many women leave their men when they find out that these men have other women?” Oh I have fallen for him I can’t let him go. Oh I have to fight for him to show my love. And well, the man gets so proud of himself that he has two women fighting over him. And how many women even take time to investigate the background of the men who come into their lives. They take every word we say on the face value. How many even ask questions when we tell them the most ridiculous of all lies? Have you heard of the principle of Caveat Emptor? Let the buyer beware. They did not say let the seller beware. Thank you.” 

“You are too smart, don’t waste it.” Kofi said.

My friend, don’t patronize me. Esi knows of Joan; why does she keep giving in to you? Who is the evil person here? You? I don’t think so. It is Esi. And why is that? Because of some stupid belief that you will leave Joan for her. A class two kid can tell you that if you love me, leave her first, then you can have me”.

“I don’t think I am a bad person…” Paul said, thought about it for a second and changed his impression of himself. “Ok I am…as a Mass Server; I shouldn’t do the Choristers and the pastors daughters and all that… But I think I am a living proof that nature abhors vacuum…when you leave a vacuum in your life….someone will occupy it.

Ok philosopher, can we watch our game…they just started. I only wish men and women will know how people like you think.

After thoughts

  1. Will you say Paul is making valid points? If yes explain, if no, explain.
  2. How true is the view that 'Behind every man giving his wife or girl one drama or the other, is another woman encouraging it. Behind every man cheating on his partner is another woman giving in to him.'
  3. Do you know any 'Kofi' around you?
  4. Do you know any Robert Around you?
  5. How can women avoid falling prey to men like Paul?



Friday, 5 April 2013

PRECIOUS ASSETS NEED TIGHT SECURITY = PANTS. DON'T LET IT DOWN!

The Decision to cheat on one's partner is a grave one and must not be taken lightly, or as a random act due to some unresolved bouts of bitterness or ongoing canker of mistrust, disappointment or disillusionment.

Many people cheat on their partners in a passive way; they get carried away by outside enticements and fall for them. Others carry out this act in a more proactive way by actually setting the tone for it and making sure that they get to be with someone else other than  their partners, because of an offence.

Hard as it may be for people to accept this second group of cheaters, I believe those who are embittered or angered or disappointed in their partners and have gotten to this point, where getting even is contemplated, will appreciate what I am talking about.

Some in this group of cheaters (who are different from those who cheat out of weak moral fabric) will sleep with others because their partners cheated on them and therefore they feel they must get even with them. Others feel their partners are not giving them what they want  (sexually and in some cases materially or emotionally); in the quantity or quality they want it. These people then make the effort at getting it from outside. Others even cheat on their partners just to get their attention. They feel the only way to get their attention is when their partners realise they are losing them.

I cannot enumerate all the reasons that push people into this universally unacceptable behaviour, but these few things I would like to share with you all.

Firstly, when you cheat on your partner with the view to getting even, because of their actions, you must necessarily make that act of cheating count by making it known to them that you have also gone out to someone else. If you cannot do that, then guess who lost? You. And the reason is pretty simple; the one you are seeking to get even with is not even aware of what you have done. Some other woman or man, you might probably not be in love with, has bedded you in exchange for some cheap transient thrill. And for all time, you will be his or her cheap bed mate.

The question is, 'why would I feel cheated if I don't know you cheated on me?' And if you dare tell your partner you cheated them, no matter how justified you may feel in taking that action, (and there is not no justification for infidelity) you are most like going to be dumped for; 1. not loving them enough to forgive and 2. setting a fearful precedence of having a retaliatory tendency. Even worse, if you ever tell them you cheated or if they find out, (and they don't dump you) the spirit of the relationship will die and you may become sex buddies; having empty sex with each other and with others, without anyone having the moral courage to rein the other in. 'Abi you started it? Me too I am continuing.' 

I must clarify that, I am not saying people cannot completely forgive their partners' infidelity and therefore if they feel the need to confess, they must discard it. Some people can forgive and accept their partners back and totally let go of the disloyalty; they will only feel betrayed and a measure of trust would be tampered with. I would prefer you confess and face the consequences than to hide it and be found out later on. (I, however like this better; don't do it at all)

Secondly, to cheat or not to cheat is a personal issue; and for those of you who play along the fringes and within the inner parameters of religion and spirituality, especially the Judo-Christian Religions, it is a subject which directly affect one's relationship with his or her Maker. Sexual relationship out of wedlock is a sin. That is very clear in most religions; and as a Christian, I take it from my Holy Text. So you are in sin if you are sexually active with someone you are not married to. Therefore if for any reason, your partner offends you in anyway, and the only way you find most appropriate is to cheat on them, then I believe it is not really cheating on them, but rather, it is the first point I made (you cheating on yourself) plus you getting at the wrong side of God's law. So before you decide to tow that path, ask yourself if your partner is worth making you lose favour with God and blocking the blessings that come with being in His Will.

Thirdly, We all get angry and wish we could express it in many ways; but ask yourself how it would feel like, if after your anger or frustration or disappointment or anything that might have triggered the desire to cheat, you find that you still love your partner? How would you feel if after all that, you realise that after all, you were also part of the problem? How would you feel seeing someone you cheated with, happily enjoying life, probably with their partner, while you alone deal with the pain of having to mend your relationship and trying very hard to forget that you ever did a very foolish thing as cheating? How would it feel seeing the one you truly love, and having forgiven them for everything they did to you, you are unable to forgive yourself for what you did to them behind them...Something they do not know...something against God...Something someone did for free and has no guilt whatsoever.

Finally, Sex leads to soul ties and I would not speak a lot about it as I have written an article on it which you can click here to read. It is enough that you are sexually bonded to someone you are not married to; but to be bonded to two people simultaneously out of wedlock is like running your soul down a shredder.

I have always said that we do not know how much we have wasted our time and lives until we meet people we truly love and realise that we have given our best to the wrong people all this while. This realization comes when we we become aware of the fact that we are not at our best; we are not what we used to be.

Life is full of regrets, and choices we make today can have haunting repercussions years down the road. Like any sweet thing that leaves a bitter taste afterwards, we always leave the bitter part of our rash decisions for the future that is yet to unravel.

When you meet someone you love; be faithful to them and love them. When they offend you, do not seek to pay them back in their own coins; some paybacks are too costly and they may have collateral damage you may later regret. Do not get into the mud with a pig just to prove that you can fight back. Sometimes the best way to fight a pig is to let it know you are too neat to get into the quagmire.

No amount of reasons can justify infidelity; it is a sign of moral weakness and emotional indiscipline. I will not speak as though there are only certain kinds of people it befalls. We are all at risk and at various stages in our lives; whether married or dating, we get to that point where we face the temptation... David looked, thought about it, inquired and then sinned, and sinned more to cover the original sin. JOSEPH FLED WHEN FACED WITH THAT PROSPECT, KNOWING HE WOULD RATHER RAN NAKED IN BODY AND CLOTHED IN MORALITY THAN TO BEG FOR HIS CLOTHES AND END UP DEALING WITH NAKED MORALS.

Another man's woman? Another Woman's man? Please just walk away. It does not matter how often you have trespassed; just walk away this time around.

¬PG Sebastian¬