Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Tuesday, 19 February 2013


There is a saying that men are moved by what they see. It is true to an extent, but men are moved in a more sustained way by how they are made to feel about themselves. The ego thing. If men were only moved by what they see in a strict visual way, then all pretty, posh and rich ladies would be taken and those outside this circle would be ‘gnashing’ and single… but ask yourselves if that is the reality. 

Have you considered why men with rich, pretty, successful wives, cheat with some women that leave us wondering? You call it lack of self-control? Many others have many reasons for it... but I say It is how that woman makes him feel about himself. 

While you are busily flaunting it in his face; your beauty, your fame and success and wealth and the many more you can outline…your house-help, your friend, that quiet unassuming one….that (with all due respect) lady whose body is riddled with scars and acne,… the simple 'sickly' looking secretary (that is how you see her), that inconspicuous church member….that lady (I guess you know that lady)…She know how to wait for your husband to finish eating even if she feels like going to bed, and clears his table. She knows how to ask if the food was ok, if there was salt or pepper in it (even if it is for the effect of it), she knows how to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘I am sorry’ and how to keep her voice down and her sarcasm to herself. She knows how to pick a phone and call his parents and find out if they are ok. She knows how to keep a healthy relationship with the children and ensure they are well nurtured…both at school and at home…  She knows she has nothing, so she brags with nothing. She only does what she has to do…as a house help, as a poor secretary…as a nice church member… as your good friend…. but these are the little little little acts that draws your man to her.

In the end you might think she used juju on him… or that your husband is cheap. No. The other lady made him feel better about himself. 

Do not be deceived because your husband comes home every day to you. Ask yourself if your husband really loves you by how he treats and relate with you. Do you find that keenness in him regarding things about you. Do you think as a lady, you have done all you can, like his secretary would do, like his house help would do, like your friend treats him, like his mother treats him, like other women treat him. 

Yes you are neither his secretary nor his house help; Fair enough. But he spends 9 hours or more of his waking moments with the secretary every day! How many hours of his waking moments do you spend with him? Woman, the odds are grossly against you. So when he is home and you want to have a business as usual attitude, no problem, 6 am will come for him to go to his office for his kingly treatment…But before that, the house-help would be in the kitchen, in the children’s room…. Your friend might pass by in the evening and might engage him in a ‘his-work’ related conversation. A church member will pass by and comment on his weight or hair or his looks and how tired his looks, in the most gentlest of ways. 

Yes you are supposed to be the one and only…but how can you be special when your game is abysmal in the life of a man who is naturally – by work and other social interactions- surrounded by other woman? If you want to be special, be like Messi, in the midst of Stars shine brighter. 

Men want to keep trophy wives…Pretty, intelligent, successful, powerful and all…trust me, they will kill over them. They like to keep them…for themselves…at home – or work, or wherever she wants to be- while he sleeps with other women who make him feel like a little king in his own right. So do not be excited that you are the trophy wife…be excited that you also make him feel like a king…that you are thinking and acting like the other woman….

A man is nothing but a big baby; emotionally drab, trivial and very much erratic. Give him what he wants and in a few minutes, he will forget he has any problem with you. He will giggle and laugh and tell everybody the world is beautiful. Deny him what he wants and he will cry, get mad and throw disproportionate tantrum, rejecting and destroying better alternatives. 

I have said that women have more power than they can imagine and if they are willing to learn how to wield it, they can rule man and make them do their biddings. 

There will always be Hollywood, there will always be feminism and there will always be the reality of meaningful family as originally designed. When you really want to have the fullness of marriage and the family and make it strong and stable, you must know which path to follow. 

Some battles are not won with words and fist; they are won with submission love and humility…like the battle of the home.

~PG Sebastian~
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