Helping You Build A Relationship You Can All Be Proud Of

Wednesday, 19 December 2012


IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU SPECIFIC THINGS THEY DO NOT LIKE and you go ahead to do it, for whatever reason, you cannot fault them for the kind of response they will give back to you. I think sometimes we are a little too selfish; overly, trespassing-ly and disrespectfully selfish. And at times, I find it intolerable to hear people say, ‘what is wrong with what I did?’ Or, ‘must you respond the way you did?’ You find it expedient to seek pardon and justification for leniency or empathic understanding of your action; what about the other person's simple ‘I DON’T LIKE THIS’ that you did not abide by?

We hurt people by our actions and we think we have the moral right to determine how they respond to us, failing to see that we gave them the power to treat us anyhow they please, by first not respecting their position on an issue.

If you do not agree with someone's position on an issue, you have to tell them. You do not agree to it and later act contrary and then demand they act in ways that suit your 'anticipated reaction'.

If you agree to do something or not to do something, you overtly or covertly subject yourself to all manner of reaction that your lack of cooperation on the matter you have subscribed to will bring upon you.

Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends; it is imperative we take our responses, promises and intentions serious. Sometimes, that is what the other person holds us to and measures us by.

There is nothing like ‘even if I did that, must you do this.’ A person’s reaction is their prerogative, hard as this may come to us. The lack of understanding of this is one of the reasons why little issues in relationships get out of hand. We have created mental impressions of how a person must respond in any given situation, and by these impression, we minimize their response to some of our actions and therefore feel less inclined to refrain from those actions. Then, after we have acted, the real response sets in, ending up being totally different from what we anticipated. That it when we get mad with them for not acting in accordance with our mental images and therefore brand them as being unfair and irrational.

The truth is, people are emotional and Emotion is a human phenomenon which operates in a spectrum; from cold detachment to hyper sensitivity. Someone will laugh at a table joke, someone will kill over a table joke; Has the person told you they do not appreciate cracking jokes about them when people are around? Then don’t do it when there are people around. Simple. No one cares about what you think, and its appropriateness or otherwise; respect the person and save your jokes. If you can’t help but give jokes, then the person is not for you.

Many things in our day to day activities can fall into this; but always remember, if you feel you can do whatever you want, then people around you can always respond as seen appropriate by them. Just as you don't see anything wrong with your actions, so it may surprise you to know the other person does not also see anything wrong with their reactions.