Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Saturday, 30 June 2012

MENTAL RE-TUNING

We all know what to do; we just don't want to do it. I am referring to relationships. We can all do it; we just don't want to do it.

I am in the office working myself off and why is that? Because I have a deadline to meet and I surely don't want to upset my boss. And a lot of people are currently doing over time without pay because they just want to meet their deadlines and targets and avoid trouble.

I am asking myself; what distance will we be willing to go just to avoid confrontations and problems in our relationships? If our boyfriends or girlfriends asked us to wait an hour for them at a location, or drive through a thick traffic in the opposite direction just to pick them up, would we do it without them literally having to beg for it? If we have to rush home to put stuff together just so we can please our partners would we gladly do it? Nope! If we have to give something that takes our time, our freedom to be...something that forces us to change our schedules momentarily....would we do it?

I realise that when it comes to work, we are suddenly short of excuses; we do anything and take anything without a wince. When your 30 year old boss dresses you down, you forget to inform him that you are of the same age so he better watch the way he talks to you. Your boss gives instructions once and you act it out with haste. Even when you are not sure, you fear to ask for clarifications because you fear being branded as a 'slow person.'

When your colleagues give you up to your neck, you simply smile and walk away so you can keep up appearance. You are the Mr. Sweetness of all the ladies; you don't mind carrying their handbags and nkuku nsaka to their cars.

Oh as for this lady...c'mon... Ne ni ebie... (she is well cultured) The way she even talks; she never talks back at anyone no matter how right she maybe. Always with the smiles. You serve your male colleagues like they own you. If your boss even requests, you might want to go and cook for him in his house.


So why can't this translate at home...in your relationships? Is she not worthy of all the treatment you are giving to the other ladies? Then why don't you let her go? Maybe you have pointed out a few things to her and she is still adamant. Probably you have come to a point where you find pleasure with everyone but her. Fine, save her the future heartbreak and walk away right now because someone might make her happy. And even if no one does, well that is your back case because she would have been miserable with you anyway.

Why can't she get the best of you; all this you give to other ladies? The Best
that a woman deserves! Do you know how frustrating it is?

Why can't you treat your man the same way you treat other men? Why can't you fear to ask certain questions for fear of displeasing him? Why can't you take whatever he tells you without arguing it out...without letting the world know you also have an opinion? Why must you always do something only after a heated argument; an argument you know from the start, it is not really important? Is he not worthy of that respect you give to your boss? We both agree your boss is just but for a moment; If you treat him like a king, why don't you treat the one you are saddled with for the rest of your life as such? 


Or you want to be honest with him? No I don't call that honesty! Besides, what you do for your boss is better than honesty; it is sacrifice. Do it for your man! Doing what costs you so much; something you won't do on a normal day. Do it for him.

Look at all these ' sankwas' men you are killing yourself for; is any of them better than him? And if yes, why are you sticking and killing him? Why don't you cut him loose so you can go and serve your other precious king.... Or it is a bad case of cowardice?

I think we can all do better. In the end we must realised that just as it is not easy to lose a job for fear of not getting a better one, so it is to lose a partner. The only difference is that whereas what is good or terrible about a job is easily quantified, same cannot be said of a partner. Whenever human emotions are concerned, it takes time and a lot of committment to really establish the authenticity or otherwise of a person. So Partner changing is more risky than job changing.

We can give a little bit more of whatever it is we are currently giving to our partners and relationships. We can. We can take without arguing! We can get genuine feedbacks from our partners without crying 'disrespect' because we feel they are bullying us with their age.

You can serve them without asking why you have to; you can carry their handbags and their other nkuku nsaka (how best can I describe nkuku nsaka in English - Accoutrements hehehehe). You can still pass nice compliments...you can keep the flattery coming so they can go through hard times.

You can. You can do it all. I think most of us take in more at work than we take in our relationships; but it's all in our heads and in our hearts. Just say I will do it: No emotions and no attachments... I will do it... As a duty if possible.

Take the heart out because it makes you do crazy things.... Positively or negatively....and over what? Trivial things.


~PG Sebastian 2012~