Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 24 November 2011

My Break-Up

When my phone rang and I checked to see it was Haruna calling, my heart missed a beat. As hard as it was, I had to answer so I did. “We are here” He said. “Downstairs” he added. That was yesterday, around lunchtime.

I went downstairs to meet them; Haruna and Maame. She did not look particularly interesting like she used to be; maybe I was not keenly looking at her. Or maybe my affection in her had left. I could feel her pain though. I am not usually indifferent towards her.

I have always loved her, made it known to every one of my Friends; even on Facebook, I have used her picture as my profile picture before. I call her Maame Ama Pigia… Kindda hot if you ask me! Now I was looking at her as though she was not there. Gosh how love can evaporate.

Haruna told me to call him if there were any issues and then he left. I looked at her fleetingly and went back to my desk not caring what she did with her life out there. Oh I told her, I am glad you are home Maame… and then I left…

The first thing I did was to print the documents once I sat behind my PC. It broke my heart as I read it over. Do I really want to break up with her?

We have walked with each other for two years and spent some quality times together; both at Dansoman and Tema… Our countless escapades, From Weija to Akosombo; Takoradi and all over.

Oh Maame Ama you bring tears to my eyes.

I went out again, looked at her boldly in the eyes and handed her the documents. Without a word, I rushed back into the office before I broke down. I did not have, I must admit, the guts to stay and see her reaction; I did not.

Soon it was 4:30pm; Work was over for me so I left the office for my 2hour Journey to Community 25 off the Prampram-Aflao Road. It was a quiet Journey with the Radio off. I quietly prayed for the entire journey occasionally checking what’s up on Facebook. She stole a glance at me and asked silently, “will you announce our break-up…”

“Yes I would put it on face book that we broke up!” I concluded it for her. “The Patriarch George Sebastian broke up with you”

She swallowed hard. Silence

When we got home, I was happy she was finally home with me. She had been gone for months. Maame Ama! That was too much. Do you know what I have been through all this while? The Sleepless nights? Not knowing if you were ok? What you have been doing and all that?

I have been giving my friend and those concerned flimsy excuses for your absence. Some I lied straight up to them. ‘Oh we are doing well! But we were not! Maame!

All I knew she wanted to say was, ‘Baby, it was not my fault.’ Yup I know it was not your fault but well you left!

I took the documents and I was certain that was what I wanted to do. I opened the Right Back door and stuck the first document there and I opened the tail gate and stuck the second one there. By this time she was sobbing uncontrollably… “George Please Give me another chance. Please. Do not watch these 2 years go away like that! George Please…”

But I would not have any of that…

I opened the Left Back door and stuck the last document there… the divorce document!

I went a few steps back and looked at how it looked on her… FOR SALE!!! 020******5 peeeerrrfect!

She wiped her tears and gave me the look! “George you were not worthy of me! If you are selling me, fine! Guess what, I also deserve a better owner!

Whatever! I yelled over my shoulder and rushed into my room! Sob sob sob!

Get a Range Rover George! You look Gay when you drive in me!
All the reason why I am selling you! I will buy a Kia Picanto!
That makes you a pedophile
I will walk!
Johnny Walker!
Deal with it Maame!

Baaaannnnnggg! I shut the door behind me!

My Nissan is going for Sale Maame Ama Pigia is up for Grabs! It is over between us! 

PG! 2011

Monday, 14 November 2011

The Beast, Your Teacher and your Grandma… Your Id, Your Ego and Your Superego!

According to Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personality, personality is composed of three elements. These three elements of personality--known as the id, the ego and the superego--work together to create complex human behaviors.

The Id
The id is the only component of personality that is present from birth. This aspect of personality is entirely unconscious and includes of the instinctive and primitive behaviors. According to Freud, the id is the source of all psychic energy, making it the primary component of personality.
The id is driven by the pleasure principle, which strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs. If these needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state anxiety or tension. For example, an increase in hunger or thirst should produce an immediate attempt to eat or drink. The id is very important early in life, because it ensures that an infant's needs are met. If the infant is hungry or uncomfortable, he or she will cry until the demands of the id are met. 

However, immediately satisfying these needs is not always realistic or even possible. If we were ruled entirely by the pleasure principle, we might find ourselves grabbing things we want out of other people's hands to satisfy our own cravings. This sort of behavior would be both disruptive and socially unacceptable. According to Freud, the id tries to resolve the tension created by the pleasure principle through the primary process, which involves forming a mental image of the desired object as a way of satisfying the need.

The Ego
The ego is the component of personality that is responsible for dealing with reality. According to Freud, the ego develops from the id and ensures that the impulses of the id can be expressed in a manner acceptable in the real world. The ego functions in both the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious mind.
The ego operates based on the reality principle, which strives to satisfy the id's desires in realistic and socially appropriate ways. The reality principle weighs the costs and benefits of an action before deciding to act upon or abandon impulses. In many cases, the id's impulses can be satisfied through a process of delayed gratification--the ego will eventually allow the behavior, but only in the appropriate time and place.

The ego also discharges tension created by unmet impulses through the secondary process, in which the ego tries to find an object in the real world that matches the mental image created by the id's primary process.
The Superego
The last component of personality to develop is the superego. The superego is the aspect of personality that holds all of our internalized moral standards and ideals that we acquire from both parents and society--our sense of right and wrong. The superego provides guidelines for making judgments. According to Freud, the superego begins to emerge at around age five.
There are two parts of the superego:
  1. The ego ideal includes the rules and standards for good behaviors. These behaviors include those which are approved of by parental and other authority figures. Obeying these rules leads to feelings of pride, value and accomplishment.

  1. The conscience includes information about things that are viewed as bad by parents and society. These behaviors are often forbidden and lead to bad consequences, punishments or feelings of guilt and remorse.
The superego acts to perfect and civilize our behavior. It works to suppress all unacceptable urges of the id and struggles to make the ego act upon idealistic standards rather that upon realistic principles. The superego is present in the conscious, preconscious and unconscious. 

The Interaction of the Id, Ego and Superego
With so many competing forces, it is easy to see how conflict might arise between the id, ego and superego. Freud used the term ego strength to refer to the ego's ability to function despite these dueling forces. A person with good ego strength is able to effectively manage these pressures, while those with too much or too little ego strength can become too unyielding or too disrupting. 

According to Freud, the key to a healthy personality is a balance between the id, the ego, and the superego.

Thanks to Kendra Cherry ( For the write up.

To have another side of the same discourse, kindly click on the link below

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Zip Up and Set Your Future Free... A Plea To Guys!

To all guys who are reading this and all ladies who are bold to sit their men down and have a reality chat with them…

One day, after you have worked so hard and you are about getting there….just before you cross over… A woman suddenly appears… with a child… with a story…with your reputation in her hand… The same woman who threw herself at you… the woman you should have closed your eyes to but got carried away with her niceness and her charm…. In Africa it is not really a big deal now….but soon it will be.

You are not more anointed than David and you are not more powerful than Strauss-Kahn or Herman Cain or Clinton. Guess who nearly cost Clinton his career…an intern! Let us be careful.

Ambitions change, Desires take different turns and we always seek better reputations as we grow up… let us try and keep the zip up. Maybe you wanna be one of those ‘old-man boogies’ who will grow to your oldest age not giving a damn what the world says. But what you don’t care about today might suddenly be something you would care a lot about tomorrow. You may never know or imagine yourself wishing there was no yesterday to your life story. And when you are sweating in the lens of the media, you would realize that deception “I am not ashamed of my past; that is what has made me who I am today” is not good enough a defense. Ask Clinton about it when he cried apologizing to the world… Ask Tiger Woods…

Besides let us think about the shame and disappointment, pain and embarrassment it would bring to our loved ones when such revelations are out. The potential dis-ease we might contract going about spilling our fountains everywhere.

I know sometimes the Id takes over and the eyes play tricks…(Sometimes too they are not tricks… Some of the women eh massa .. mmm something else… lawdharmercy) sometimes we get all weak and we lack reasons to zip up… but in the end no reason will suffice when we say virtue was not convenience to us at that time.

This THING is costing many great men. It is destroying families and lives in it. Self-control guys… let’s try… MAKE WE TRY SMAAAALLLLL

Thursday, 3 November 2011


She sent a text to her long-time boyfriend who in her own words was ‘a good man worth keeping for her special day, but green enough to run things behind him.’

"Can we meet tonight after work and grab a drink? We can end it up in my apartment and do a movie... I miss you JC"

He replied: I am sorry I cannot see you tonight. I am going for marriage counseling with Ama. I cannot promise when I can make that time

She replied: mmtseww! Ama? Are you serious? Ama? Marriage counseling? You are joking right?

He replied: Nope. I am not.

She Replied: Come on JC you gotta be kidding me right? You met this girl less than a year ago and you are going for what? I know I may have treated you bad. I am sorry But I love you too much to let you go. I have my anger issues and all that, but I think I have been the best woman for you. Tell me you are pulling my legs!

He replied: You love me as in you come to give me a kiss on the cheek and long weeks without sex while you have sex with another guy in your office; In his car at the parking lot; On his office desk while his blinds are pulled open? How cheap can you get?

Oh I have a headache I wanna sleep early… as in sleep with him till you can do it no more? Best woman to me as in introducing your sugar daddy to me as your father’s best friend and a ‘Father figure’ to you so you can ‘go on holidays with him’ in the US where his family resides?

You had more than anger issues my dear; you had sex issues, money issues, respect issues, dignity issues, decency issues, peer pressure issues, greed issues. You had more than anger issues. You also have the car that was bought for you by your uncle in the states on your birthday issue. Apparently this uncle was the guy you met online through Facebook; The guy I gave you all the freedom to spend time with when he come to town. Actually that was two months of paying for the car with your body,

Best woman for me for sure. I loved you so I kept quiet over all my suspicions. I could not put my finger on any of them so I spared you the scrutiny and the policing; that was me being fooled. I knew you were not that faithful to me as you wanted me to believe, yet I prayed and hoped one day you will come around and then we would be fine.

Oh and then coming to think about it; that mysterious bleeding last year; First you were mostly sick, then you were suddenly pressing for marriage, then you fell from the staircase, bled, got hospitalized, got cured of your strange sickness and your crave for marriage? That looked like some pregnancy I would have assumed if you ask me!

I am sorry Sweetheart; our linen is so stinking dirty I don’t wanna wash it in public. It hurts me now that I was not strong enough to zip up when trust between us was compromised. If I should be diagnosed with HIV today I would have no doubt where I got it from… yes from the lady who sings in the choir; the lady who cannot even harm a fly.

Ama says no sex before marriage. Ama hasn’t got a thousand passwords which she changes every minute. Ama has got no strange uncles who spend more on her than her rich parents. Ama hardly gets headaches and call waiting every time I call. I don’t have to excuse her when she gets phone calls. She has no temper problem at all. After all to err is human. She knows ‘SORRY’ means a lot so when she says it she hardly repeats that mistake. Ama is not an angel, but I feel safe around her.

She may be green and not so up to it, but when I walk with her, I know I do not have people trying to figure out my position in the queue….

That is good enough.

She replied. You fool! You used me!!!!!!!

He replied. Didn’t your fingers shake when you typed that? Please feel free to sell your ware… I am done in this game. I tried… I did…You used me too!

She did not reply….


He sent a text to his long time girlfriend who had the reputation of being unstable with men, moving from one man to the other over trivia

"Can we meet tonight after work and grab a drink? We can end it up in my apartment"

She replied: Smh. I have had enough of you and men to last me a life time. I will pass...

He replied: are you turning me down? As in you are no more interested in MY GOODNESS?

She replied: sex and all this your so called GOODNESS is outmoded if you ask me.

He replied: is this my pony talking? Like are you serious?

She replied: look man, i finally found a true meaning and purpose for this being of mine. This is all I have: My pride, my joy, my dignity, my life... So after the few seconds of your goodness, what happens to me? That am one of your countless conquests? After all the sweet nothings? Just like you're starting now? Your goodness?
You have been sleeping with me just like any man has; like you drink your bottles after bottles of beer. It's not the love for it... It is not the respect for it... It is to satisfy your lust and ego! But of course if a few expenditure will make u satisfy it why not... You do all you can to get it.

Those days are gone. I am sure about that. I am spending my time on something more higher and purposeful.

I have lost count now, and in the end some innocent man will come and pay a hefty bride price on me to marry me, when I have wasted the best of me on nothings like you.

God help me with kids, cus if I should get into any future fertility issues, it would be some innocent man's sleepless nights.

Sorry man, I will pass... You can pass on. I have now been to myself and I am cleaning up the mess you left behind!

He did not reply....