Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 16 September 2010

YOU AND YOUR EX FACTOR

When you quarrel, leave room for making up. In a fit of rage be quiet than talk, and when you talk always keep it in mind your words would be harsher than you think and be prepared to apologise when referred to them.

Don't burn bridges when you exit a relationship; be mindful about the things you say about your ex...even if you say them to the wind...they will eventually hear them

Whenever you err in this regard be swift to ask God to forgive you because the greatest humiliation you could ever face is for God  to place you in a position where you would have to look up to someone you looked down on and made other people to do same.

Trust me, you will one day meet your ex; and when it happens, whether you are great or they are great, you must never feel ashamed of yourself or seek to run and hide yourself because it is the only option left to you.  

Don't go throwing out of the window to the busy street below, their weaknesses, inabilities and your perceptions about them; even the secrets they have so entrusted you with. For all you know that may be the last cord that is keeping them alive; or your keeping them might, to your surprise, be the only one thing that makes people respect you.

Regardless of what caused the break up, remember that everyday you chose to stay in the relationship, until the final day you decided to opt out was, in an ultimate sense, your personal decision based on your hopes for change and a better tomorrow; or your search for an appropriate time to break up, if you were considering it. You could cite restraints from friends, family and the society at large but you were ultimately responsible for the break up. 

If you stayed on for months or years; every single day within those moments was a day you believed you could work things out whether they were days spent in tears, despair or days lived on the brink of suicide.

So when you opt out of it, exhale and enjoy your freedom and move on. If you ever have to explain yourself or relive that experience to someone else, be honest about what you say, admit your share of the problem and talk about the good moments.

PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD, LET US DESIST FROM MAKING BASELESS AND DEDUCTIVE CONCLUSIONS AND ASCRIBE REASONS TO INEXPLICABLE EXPERIENCES.

Let us avoid lies aimed at keeping the real reasons for the break up out, especially when most of the faults point to you. You would be surprised that you would tell two people you know two different stories. One day they will accidentally meet and you'll come up and they will compare notes and you would be found to be a liar. You would be surprise you would tell an ‘untruth’ to someone who has no links to your ex, but knows someone who knows your ex and are not even aware that is your ex...Soon your ex's phone will ring and the lie would be known.

You could have left them because you thought they were not good enough or you met someone else who was better suited; it could even be that they did not fit into your broader scheme of things, fine. But please be careful what you say about them calculatedly to justify your leaving them. 

I am saying again that the greatest humiliation you could ever face is to be in a position where you would have to look up to someone you looked down on and made other people to do same.

Your ex must not necessarily be your friend, but don't make an enemy out of them. Better to stay out of touch and keep them out of your business than to keep in touch through other people in provocative ways.

Let your hearers be the judge of your story, if everyone accuses you regarding the causes of the break up, when you feel you are not the one in the wrong, then you would have the opportunity to revise your notes regarding relationships so you do not make those mistakes in a later relationship. If everyone exonerates you, then you know you did well so you can look forward to your next relationship with confidence. But if you deliberately have your story doctored in the hope that you will gain hearer sympathy and avoid hearer condemnation... then beware

Copyrights 2010 PG George Sebastian