Building Relationships We Can All Be Proud Of

Thursday, 16 September 2010

YOU AND YOUR EX FACTOR

When you quarrel, leave room for making up. In a fit of rage be quiet than talk, and when you talk always keep it in mind your words would be harsher than you think and be prepared to apologise when referred to them.

Don't burn bridges when you exit a relationship; be mindful about the things you say about your ex...even if you say them to the wind...they will eventually hear them

Whenever you err in this regard be swift to ask God to forgive you because the greatest humiliation you could ever face is for God  to place you in a position where you would have to look up to someone you looked down on and made other people to do same.

Trust me, you will one day meet your ex; and when it happens, whether you are great or they are great, you must never feel ashamed of yourself or seek to run and hide yourself because it is the only option left to you.  

Don't go throwing out of the window to the busy street below, their weaknesses, inabilities and your perceptions about them; even the secrets they have so entrusted you with. For all you know that may be the last cord that is keeping them alive; or your keeping them might, to your surprise, be the only one thing that makes people respect you.

Regardless of what caused the break up, remember that everyday you chose to stay in the relationship, until the final day you decided to opt out was, in an ultimate sense, your personal decision based on your hopes for change and a better tomorrow; or your search for an appropriate time to break up, if you were considering it. You could cite restraints from friends, family and the society at large but you were ultimately responsible for the break up. 

If you stayed on for months or years; every single day within those moments was a day you believed you could work things out whether they were days spent in tears, despair or days lived on the brink of suicide.

So when you opt out of it, exhale and enjoy your freedom and move on. If you ever have to explain yourself or relive that experience to someone else, be honest about what you say, admit your share of the problem and talk about the good moments.

PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD, LET US DESIST FROM MAKING BASELESS AND DEDUCTIVE CONCLUSIONS AND ASCRIBE REASONS TO INEXPLICABLE EXPERIENCES.

Let us avoid lies aimed at keeping the real reasons for the break up out, especially when most of the faults point to you. You would be surprised that you would tell two people you know two different stories. One day they will accidentally meet and you'll come up and they will compare notes and you would be found to be a liar. You would be surprise you would tell an ‘untruth’ to someone who has no links to your ex, but knows someone who knows your ex and are not even aware that is your ex...Soon your ex's phone will ring and the lie would be known.

You could have left them because you thought they were not good enough or you met someone else who was better suited; it could even be that they did not fit into your broader scheme of things, fine. But please be careful what you say about them calculatedly to justify your leaving them. 

I am saying again that the greatest humiliation you could ever face is to be in a position where you would have to look up to someone you looked down on and made other people to do same.

Your ex must not necessarily be your friend, but don't make an enemy out of them. Better to stay out of touch and keep them out of your business than to keep in touch through other people in provocative ways.

Let your hearers be the judge of your story, if everyone accuses you regarding the causes of the break up, when you feel you are not the one in the wrong, then you would have the opportunity to revise your notes regarding relationships so you do not make those mistakes in a later relationship. If everyone exonerates you, then you know you did well so you can look forward to your next relationship with confidence. But if you deliberately have your story doctored in the hope that you will gain hearer sympathy and avoid hearer condemnation... then beware

Copyrights 2010 PG George Sebastian

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

BEWARE OF THE INDISPENSABLES IN YOUR LIFE


Beware not to make anyone/anything indispensable in your life. When you start seeing anything as indispensable, you become dependent on it; your potential innovation, success story, ability to stand out and make a difference, or survive in life is curtailed. You end up living someone's dreams and you miss an opportunity to stand on your feet and live your dreams 

Your Job, life partner, family, social status, can go at anytime. If you always see them as something you cannot do without, chances are that when they are not there, your very world would come to an end.

Do not live in anticipation that you will lose your job, you partner will die or leave you, or your family will break-up anytime; these can depress you and make you take unnecessary contingencies. However a healthy knowledge of the possibility of losing your job, will help you save some money or develop yourself while doing your current job, so that if that day ever comes, you can cope well or quickly adjust and move on.

A healthy knowledge that you can lose a partner through death or a break-up will help you give them the love, respect and support they need now so there will be no regrets when they are no longer there; the emotional strength to move if those things ever happen; and the material/financial preparations so you don't drop from grace to grass overnight.

A healthy knowledge that you will lose your family or friends would always push you to build what bears your name and help you make your own mark instead of living your life under an umbrella mark and not individual mark. It will push you to give them the love they need today, the courage and confidence to move on tomorrow when necessary and the possibility of survival in your world alone. Alone we came, alone we will go. 

I know of people who moved from grace to grass when they lost their jobs and did not have any savings nor any special skill that could get them employed elsewhere; Families that broke up instantly because the source of bread left; weak  members of a partnership  who went under when the partnership ended. 

You should move on and do well when things change. Life is dynamic and change is a constant part of our humanity. If we remember this, it becomes easy for us to move on when we are met with these changes. 

We find ourselves lost in the wilderness when we make people/things indispensable in our lives.

Bless you

IT IS SEPTEMBER!